Potty Training without assistance from Child's father - is it possible?

[IdreamofClooney]

Hello

I am hoping that I will be able to get some advice on how to deal with potty training DS without any assistance from DS's dad.

DS is 2.5 and seems to be ready for potty and has been doing very well with me and at nursery.

DS's dad collects him from nursery two afternoons a week and takes DS to his house.

I told DS's dad that DS is doing very well at potty and told him to get a potty.

He didn't do this and then the two afternoons he had DS he asked the nursery to put a nappy on him when he collected him

I was fuming yesterday as DS had clearly been wearing a nappy from 11am until I collected him at 5.30.

I immediately took him to the loo where he did a wee, then put his pants back on. Lat night he did two wees in the potty, with no accidents.

I have spoken to the nursery and they agree that DS is ready and doing well and said that they had put a nappy onto him for his nap and when DS's dad collected him he was asleep in buggy with nappy on.

Please can anyone advise on what to do? I feel that DS is doing very well at potty training and would like his dad to show some continuity, but the problem is that his Dad is not willing to put any effort in such as buying a potty or dealing with an accident (I supplied tons of dry clothes and plastic bags for that purpose so actually minimal effort on his part)

Should I just give up and put DS back into nappies? I do not want potty trainin gto become a battle ground between me and Ex and for DS to end up in therapy, but I do not want to hinder DS's development.

Any thoughts much appreciated as I feel so alone and have no idea how to handle this - I just want what is best for DS.

Thanks a lot

I have no experience of this (aside from being the child of divorced parents), so feel free to ignore whatever I say! But is it possible for you and the nursery to continue doing what you're doing (which seems to be working well) and just letting Ex do whatever he does, without any reaction from you. My guess is that your son will start telling his dad that he needs to go for a wee, etc, and your ex might be more willing to go along with what his child says than what his ex says! I agree, though, whatever you do, don't let this become a battleground. Good luck!

I agree with the others here, there's no point in turning it into a battle field but I don't think it's great to flit from pants to nappies either. I'm pretty sure that using both can be confusing for lo's, it certainly was for mine. ds was ding pretty well, but we went on a long trip and there was no way we could stop at a moments notice to go to the potty so I used a nappy. Set him back a couple of weeks, all the good work done before was ruined!

If your lo is asking for the potty fine then just don't give his dad any nappies. Get him a potty or toilet seat, whichever your lo prefers and write out instructions for his dad if he won't listen to you (with things like 1; if he asks you have to get him to a potty in 2 minutes there is no hold on for 10 minutes , 2; help him pull down his pants, 3; empty waste down loo, 4; wipe potty out with antibac wipe (or whatever- you get the idea ) Then tell him that ds is growing up, whether he likes it or not, and his job as father is to help him not hinder him! It's not about which one of you 2 makes the big decisions, if your ds is ready then it'll be best in the long run to let him progress at his own rate.

Basically, try to make it easy for his dad, think of him as a babysitter, you know, make sure everything is there, and instructions are clear, including what he should do in an emergency, then he will have no excuse other than he just doesn't want to be bothered with it- and that is not an option any decent father could argue about with a straight face!

BUT THEN I'm a single parent and dad isn't around on a daily basis so I have no real experience in having to negotiate this sort of thing!
Good luck!

Thanks for all of your replies, I really appreciate it as I find things like this so diffult on my own as I don;t trust my own judgement as my Ex is so critical of me.

I think that I will have to buy DS's Dad a potty for his house as he is clearly not going to buy one.

I provide everything for DS during the time that he is with his Dad so I'll just stop putting any nappies in the bag. The only problem with that is that if DS is asleep when he's collected from nursery he will have a nappy on which his Dad will just leave on all day (He does this on a regualr basis - poor DS is in the same nappy from 11am till 5.30 as his Dad doesn;t change him )

I;ve spoken to the nursery and they agree that DS is ready and should be wear pants but that they put him into a nappy for naps as otherwise he may wet his buggy (where he sleeps). Apparently DS's dad told them when he picked him up yesterday that he was going to do lots of practice with teh potty yesterday afternoon which must be tricky with no potty. Sadly he does have an interesting relationship with the truth and wants everyone to think he's a great dad when in actual fact he doesn;t lift a finger but I digress.

I think I will write to him noting that the nursery agrees that DS is ready for pants and that a potty will arrive at his house in due course. I am at the end of my tether with him but I need to keep calm for DS's sake.

Thanks again for replies

I am assuming you have PR and residency.

Inform the nursery in no uncertain terms that you, his mother, have decided that your Ds is not to leave their premises with a nappy on. Full Stop. He can't leave a nappy on that isn't there, can he!

It's not a wind up, it's potty training. And not taking him out of the nappy he has been in all day is horrible. Sounds like if she leaves it until the ex is ready the poor boy will still be in a nappy at 5.

Sadly I don;t think that my Ex and I can happily co-parent.

I want us to get on well for DS's sake but I find this very hard as he continually undermines me.

I kept him fully informed about the potty thing and he did the opposit of what I had suggested as he quite frankly couldn;t be bothered taking the nappy off and potentially dealing with a pair of wet pants (and by coping I mean taking them off putting them in a bag and taking the clean pair out of a bag, nothing as tricky as washing them or finding clean ones!)

It does seem like a big issue to me at the moment - it is not necessarily this issue per se it is more that this issue has come up and I am sure there are going to be countless more similiar issues that I will have to contend with! DS's dad is nto going to change - he is too lazy to make any effort even for his own son thank god he is not longer my responsibilty - it was like having two babies (or rather one baby and one 32 year old teenager

Colditz I agree that now DS is ready for pants that he should not be put back into a nappy as it will confuse him and indeed if his dad was in charge he would never take the intiative or bother to look for signs that DS was ready.

I have given up telling him that a nappy needs to be changed several times a day, not just when DS has done poo (althoguht he has actually brought DS to me with a poo in his nappy as "there was nowhere to change him - hmmmm not even in the book shop with a baby change facility 10 meters from my office). Despite my asking constantly DS regularly comes to me with nursery nappies on when he collects DS at 11.45 and brings him to me at 5.30.

I feel this is neglect, he feels it is me over reacting and being a bitch as of course that is waht I am.

Sorry am having a bad day