Premature baby - 5 weeks… confused

[AbDaRob]

My baby was born at 33+5, weighing 4lb4oz. He had a week in SCBU and all that was wrong was he had jaundice and was a little small.
he is now 5 weeks old & weighing 6lb2oz. And I’m so confused about his milestones and what he should be doing.
I have a few friends who’s babies were born at the same time or after my son & they seem to be much more alert and awake.
My son only seems to be awake when he wants feeding/burping/changing… then he’s straight back to sleep.

Do I need to expect him to be hitting his milestones by what his birth date was, or do you go from his due date???

Any advice from anyone who has had a premature baby and how they developed in the first few weeks/months would be amazing.

My son was born at 34 weeks he was in for 20 days as he was unwell and struggled to feed. He was very much like a newborn until he was 10-12 weeks I think. We were advised to go by his due date for milestones until he was 2 but I think he was developmentally caught up by the time he was 1

You go by his corrected age ie. the day he was due

thus, he shouldn’t have even been born yet. Don’t measure him against babies that are more than 6 weeks more mature than him

I had twins just shy of 37 weeks and my eldest was born just over 40 weeks. I found there is a big difference those 3.5 weeks made! My smallest twin was 4lb 10oz from
memory whereas my eldest (singleton) baby was 6lb 8oz. I found for the first probably 2.5-3 months the twins just wanted food (particularly the under 5lb one!) and sleep similar to what you’re experiencing whereas I would say from about 8 weeks my eldest was more interactive as you’re seeing from your friends babies. I can still tell a difference developmentally wise between my twins and eldest but I think this will all balance out by the time the twins are 1. My health visitor says you base your development milestones on their adjusted age (based on their 40 weeks due date). So in reality by the time your son is 3 months from the day he was born, he’ll be acting like he’s under 2 months old as per his due date (if born at 40 weeks) if that makes sense.

Congrats OP on your new arrival, and try not worry too much. My 33 weeker hit all their milestones later than they should have. Late to smile, sit up, crawl, walk etc.

My DD was born at 36+2 and is now 7.5months. We've always been told to go by her corrected (due date) age for milestones. We've found so far for some things she's been right in line with her actual age, and some things closer to her corrected age. She was quite slow to start usuig her hands, but sat unsupported from quite earlyl.
My DD was also a super sleepy newborn. She still is high sleep need and currently still naps 4 or 5 times a day.

For milestones, you count from when he should have been born.

Congratulations OP!

I had a 50th centile DC at 35 weeks. She had 48 hours in NICU and then the health visitor/GO deducted 5 weeks from every milestone for at least 6 months, probably12.

They slept a lot in those early weeks.

You count by his corrected age/due date, and you also don't judge or compare your babies to others, because they're all different.

DS was born at 34+3 and was late for his milestones e.g. smiled at 9 weeks, walked at 17 months. He's nearly 4 now and has caught up. I drove myself mad worrying about milestones - please don't make my mistake!

Use the due date to calculate the ‘corrected age’. It’s unfair on the child otherwise, they’ve had to do all the growing they would have done in those final weeks but outside the womb, so they are not comparable to a full term newborn. My experience is that corrected age is used until age 2.

I had a Dd born at term and 3 years later twin DS born at 35 weeks. They were really quite sleepy for a long time, a few months. Compared to Dd they weren’t the same as her with a 5 week lag, they were much slower than that, they slept a lot till around 4 or 5 months. Anyway, they were fine, they’re 17 now, from 6 months they were caught up, don’t worry

My 31+4 premmie was late with every single milestone - last one so far toilet training even taking much longer than usual for a child his age. I put it down to prematurity as he was behind with talking and walking too. Was 20 months old for walking. Close to 2 and a half yo for talking.

Your wee one will get there too, just go by their corrected/adjusted age. Don't compare to other babies. Yours is unique ❤️

Oh yes and you have an extended newborn phase compared to others because they are born prematurely. They sleep feed sleep feed for weeks!

Thank you everyone.
I guess I feel selfish saying this, but I’m finding it quite hard. The newborn stage, as I’m sure you know is hard, and people keep saying “oh he’ll smiling soon… it’ll all be worth it when you see that smile” and I think that by going by his corrected age means it could be another 5/6 weeks until we see a smile feels quite hard…
I know I sound selfish, my due date is this weekend and the fact I’m now at week 0, after what will be 6 weeks is really quite hard. I am so desperate to be able to engage with him, take him to places and see him enjoy himself… and the thought of another 5/6 weeks of the newborn cycle is difficult
sorry, I sound selfish as I know many people are in worse situations. And I should be greatful both him and I are safe and well.

I enjoyed the extended newborn stage because he was my last baby of the family, but for others I can see why it would be frustrating. Your baby will be achieving all those milestones soon enough, believe me OP. So many of us have been through this.

You go by their due date. My DC pretty much slept 24/7 until her due date (had to be woken for feeds), then hit milestones pretty much as expected based on corrected age.

The only exception is for weaning which is based on the actual birth date.

My first was full term and my second premature. Second basically slept continuously until his due date and then behaved like a full term newborn for another month. It’s hard work in terms of feeding.
He was behind on milestones until walking at 14 months and has been normal or ahead since then.

Ds was 8 weeks early, it does make the newborn stage really lengthy, I remember that feeling OP. It is easier when they start smiling x

You don’t sound selfish OP. It IS really hard. But even though you don’t feel like you’re able to engage with the baby much at this age, they are getting everything they need from you, and they are growing and developing at an unbelievable rate in every way imaginable (even if it’s not immediately obvious), and that is all because of you. They will love being close to you even if they aren’t able to communicate that. And truly, it goes so unbelievably fast, all will change soon and you will feel much better about things.

Keep going!

Hi OP, just want to say that I had my baby recently at 34 weeks and felt exactly the same. He had issues with reflux etc which made me feel even worse, I was desperate for him to at least smile or look a bit happy and I remember googling why is my baby never happy! He started to smile around 8 weeks corrected I think and when he hit 3 months I found that he started to interact a bit. He's now almost 5 months and absolutely grins away/babbles all the time now thank god. I do still get anxious because he is behind on the other milestones but they all do it in their own time I suppose. If I could go back and time I would try to enjoy the sleepy stage more and binge some shows as not much time to now! I know it's easier said than done, I was crying everyday because it's not how you imagine it will be but it will get better (it's so annoying being told this all the time but it does ) x

He's so tiny, there aren't really any milestones other the feeding, sleeping, burping, peeing and pooing and putting on weight. As long as he's doing these things to some degree he's fine. Don't compare to others, I have twins and they're completely different, one crawled then lifted himself up to walk along furniture before taking his first steps, the other at the time was barely rolling, I was beside myself, 3 months later the other twin was still barely rolling but suddenly within a couple weeks skipped crawling and just got up one day and started walking (very wobbly and just a few steps) but walking nonetheless. They all get there in their own time, only worry if no improvement is made over a period of time in an area or if skills learned are forgotten or disappear. You'll spend the next few years worrying about stuff like this x

Mine was 31+6 and he just slept forever. Perfectly healthy though. And now he's nearly 4 and terrorizes the household. Definitely use his adjusted age. Just pretend your baby was born on their due date and use those milestones for the first 2 years was my doctor's advice.

my now 15 yr old born at 33 weeks and mostly slept for 8 weeks with no crying at all. By 3 months he was in normal size baby clothes ie 3 months where’s before he was in the under 5 or 7.5 lbs stuff. I’d give my right arm to go back for a few days and hold him, cuddle him and smell his newborn head for a day. I adore the 5 ft 11 rugby playing teenager he is and can’t comprehend how he was ever so tiny! Just soak it up and enjoy every second with comparing to other babies xxx

My ds barely cried at all either looking back, too busy growing.

@yellownotepad thank you for this message. He has just been diagnosed with reflux too. Apparently quite common in prem babies.
feeling a lot better this morning. Motherhood is hard, but he is safe and well. That’s all that matters!

I’m sure I’ll appreciate that first smile even more when it happens!!