Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Is babysitting offered or do you ask?

20 replies

Ringo11 · 08/05/2022 14:01

Just wondering how other people go about this?
The only people we have to do babysitting is grandparents, no aunties/uncles and friends all have their own young children. We have a baby and a toddler.

My parents always offer but as they're a little older than Dh's parents and already help with work related childcare once a week, I don't want to put too much on them. Not to say, they wouldn't. I'm just very aware of their limit and I feel they do enough already.

Dh's parents don't offer, so in the past we've asked for babysitting occasionally. This makes us feel so awkward though and guilty for wanting a bit of time to ourselves. It's not that they say no but they never offer either so it makes us feel they're not happy about it. For instance, they know we're having a really tough time atm with strains on our relationship, exhaustion and me starting a stressful new job. I would really like to ask them if they'd look after dc in a couple of weeks if we go out for dinner our wedding anniversary but I just feel bad for asking.

I know there's the option of a paid babysitter coming in. The money isn't a problem, I just don't feel comfortable with a stranger looking after our children. Personal preference.

How do you get time to yourselves as a couple? If at all?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

KangarooKenny · 08/05/2022 14:08

I never wanted my in-laws to babysit, I wouldn’t have left them in charge of a goldfish !
I just used to ask my parents, but if you want it regularly then I’d go down the paid route. I didn’t like asking too often.

Libertynan · 08/05/2022 14:09

It depends on the individual I think

when my DS was little I used mostly paid childcare. DS was at childminders/ nursery anyway during the day as I worked so payong for some evening babysitting was no issue for me. I chose my babysitters carefully and made sure that DS was content.

my DP would babysit but it did often seem like it was a hassle to them. I.e if I wanted to go out late then I would want either them to come to my home or for DS to stay with them overnight.

you can ask and you’ll have to gauge from their response.

wonderstuff · 08/05/2022 14:20

I ask - but I'm careful not to take the piss - my mum has our kids overnight about twice a year. Inlaws can't help anymore as they are too elderly so only my mum and stepdad around.

When my kids were really small my dd needed an operation, 2 nights in hospital and ds was with my mum - I felt so guilty - he was with her 3 nights in total - I got him as soon as I could - a few weeks later mum said she'd cried when he'd gone home because she missed him so much!

I know lots of people who don't ever take time out without the kids, but for us I think it's really important for our marriage - we have a different dynamic without them and enjoy each others company more tbh. So I do ask at least once a year, normally around our anniversary - and I don't feel bad about that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Lockdownmummy · 08/05/2022 14:30

We ask. Neither my parents or the in laws are psychic and know when we need babysitters!!

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 08/05/2022 14:36

I hate babysitting, it's boring and other people's children are tedious. If a friend asks me, I will do it if I am free to do so, but I wouldn't volunteer.

Runorsleep · 08/05/2022 19:28

I think if people don’t offer they don’t want to do it , maybe I’m wrong but certainly been the case for us. Our families never, ever help. Even when we were on our knees with newborns, toddlers, illness, sleep deprivation etc they would just sympathise but never offer practical help.
I asked a couple of times but it was clear they didn’t want to help so never asked again. Tbh if I don’t offer help or babysitting it means I don’t want to do it.
I used to help people a lot pre kids but now I’m a bit burnt out , by the time my kids are raised we’ll still be relatively young if we are lucky to still be alive and while I’d definitely help my dcs out I’d hate to be made to mind kids if I didn’t want to especially since we had no help . Probably bad and a bit of a vicious circle.

Lavendersblue8 · 08/05/2022 19:32

Just ask.

My MIL used to offer sleepovers for DD and we wouldn’t actually have any plans so would just sit at home bored! Now I just ask on the (rare) occasions that I’m going out.

GiltEdges · 08/05/2022 19:34

Honestly, if they don't offer then they probably don't want to do it.

For the anniversary, I'd just ask your parents if you really want to go out. Sounds like they'd be happy to do it and if they only have your DC once a week then another evening as a one off is hardly the end of the world.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 08/05/2022 19:36

my parents offer every time we visit or they visit - they insist we go out 😂

but I have no problem asking them either

also I ask my friends from time to time and I babysit for some friends kids in return

rookiemere · 08/05/2022 19:36

When DS was younger we were part of an online babysitting group of parents that we knew and trusted. Fantastic way to get a night out and escape from doing bedtime duties from time to time when babysitting.
I think you'd know if ILs were keen on babysitting.

lavenderfine · 08/05/2022 19:50

My parents have the DC overnight once a week (I know I'm blessed and very grateful) it used to be so I could work late with DH's changing work patterns but he's in a new job now and it's not needed but when we told them my parents asked could they still have them. However if we have plans on a different day I ask them to change the night, but that's very rare tbh. In-laws don't baby sit, they've never offered and I'm not sure if he comfortable letting them as they aren't hands on with the kids

PumpkinsandKittens · 08/05/2022 19:52

No my mum never offers to babysit and my ex doesn’t have any parents (both died)

HotDogKetchup · 08/05/2022 19:52

Mine insist on having my kids and tell me that’s what life is all about, grandchildren, that’s when it’s hypothetical. But in reality when I ask them there’s lots of “umms and ahhs” and “we’re not sure what we have on” they’re pretty good when it’s a dire emergency but otherwise it’s all talk and it’s really frustrating.

Kite22 · 09/05/2022 23:43

I just don't feel comfortable with a stranger looking after our children

I always think this is a strange comment on these threads.
I never left our dc with "a stranger" either, oddly.
I paid teenagers I knew. Or students I knew.
As my dc were older teens / young adults, they were paid for sitting for people they knew. Or parents asked my if my teens would babysit.
If it is someone your dc don't know, you can always invite them round "to play" first, in a sort of 'mothers help' role so you and your dc can get to know them. Then they won't be strangers.

Re the asking, however, if you want to go out, just ask. If they don't want to, they will either pretend to not be available, or will say "no, we don't want to" or will put so many restrictions on it that it would never work. I wouldn't ask people "if they want a babysitter", but I've been happy to help people out if I'm free when they ask.

Lochjeda · 09/05/2022 23:48

Yeah we ask because they don't know when we have plans or want to do something. Id just ask, sounds like you need a break for the two of you.

Disneydatknee88 · 09/05/2022 23:58

Always ask. We don't go out much tbh. The odd anniversary. I moved away from my parents ages ago so they never have the kids. My inlaws would have them if we booked them in months in advance (they are always away at weekends). We have now moved to another part of the UK where my sis in law lives and we kinda do a "we will give you lifts on a night out, does your teen wanna babysit one weekend in exchange" kinda thing and I can tell you that has been the most lucrative childcare arrangement we have ever had!

izycole · 12/06/2022 12:07

Hello,
I am looking to start babysitting and was wondering what you look for in a babysitter. I am 16 so i have limited experience at this point but i love kids and babysit for family members regularly. I have also completed a first aid course.
How is it you usually find babysitters if it isn’t through an agency?
I am from SW london.
Thank you, Izy.

2pinkginsplease · 12/06/2022 12:16

I used to ask my mum, if she was free she would do it, if she had plans we stayed home.

however mum didn’t watch our children during the day to allow us to work so I don’t mind asking her.

my friends mum watched her children term time and wouldn’t ask for extra babysitting in the evenings.

cstaff · 12/06/2022 12:24

I have babysat for all of my neices and nephews over the years but they have always asked. If I couldn't do it I just said no or offered a different night. They can't read your mind.

Furrbabymama1987 · 12/06/2022 12:56

I don't ask. Whenever I have, there's always a huge fuss and they make me feel bad for asking. They will sometimes offer for a special occasion, maybe twice a year but want us back early and ring and message constantly asking how long we'll be so I rarely go out anymore.

Flip