Sensitive/emotional child help

[Rosebud1302]

Hi!

DS is 3.5 and has always been what I would call "sensitive". He cried as a baby at other children/babies making noises and as he has grown up he is very quiet (around others) and soft natured. I don't like to use the word "shy" but that sort of behaviour.

He is also a very emotional child. If anyone disagrees with him or has another view then he will get upset. Recently his emotional side has come out a lot and it is struggle, I will be honest with you. Anything. Any tiny thing (I know I know to him it isn't tiny) causes tears and upset. Sometimes I think he likes being upset because he almost convinced himself something is one way when it clearly isn't, just to argue and then immediately get upset about it. If he knocks/bumps himself even a tiny bit. As kids do. He cries but the crying is a lot. For instance he slipped off a very low down toddler seat onto his bottom. Well you'd have thought his leg had been amputated the fuss he made about it. It is very draining. I adore him and I adore his sensitive nature but the upset and low tolerance/resilience for anything is very hard work. Another example is playing with his friends in the playground. If another child dares to touch him, go past him too fast, overtake him, accidentally knock him. Again it's like the world has ended.

So I guess I am looking for advice on how to help build his confidence/resilience up as he is going to school in September and I want him to not feel so upset about every small thing. Kids will be kids as we know and I'm expecting (he is my first so no experience) that there will be things that happen in school that he has to be resilient too. By the way he has been going to a fantastic nursery since he was 1. Drop offs took a very long time to be ok - not helped by Covid of course - and his teachers say he again can be very emotional about things but struggle to say what upsets him. A while ago he just randomly burst into tears during circle time for no clear reason...

We have been talking a lot about feelings. I got him flash cards and a feelings board when he can stick on what he is feeling. He has taken to it really well and enjoys it and is getting pretty good at telling us basic feelings from this but it hasn't stopped the upset over every little thing.

Does anyone have any advice/feel they can share their experiences of children who were similar? Did they naturally get more resilient as they grew?

Thank you :)

Eek typos sorry!!!

Cheeky bump

Perhaps he has a sensory processing issue or is ND? Some kids are "just sensitive" but this sounds like it might be a bit more? He's not doing it on purpose and the crying is communication. It's just hard at that age to work out as they can't explain it. Sensory overwhelm is a real struggle for some kids and it's not just a case of trying to build resilience.

I also wondered if there were maybe sensory processing difficulties.
Otherwise I think it sounds like you are doing all you can OP he may just be a sensitive soul.

My toddler is very sensitive too in a similar way. She's also a similar age to yours so we're not 'out of the other side' yet, but what has helped me is reading some books on sensitive children so I could understand and help her through the emotions. I found these two the most helpful - Confident Patents Remarkable Kids by Bonnie Harris, and Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Bonnie Harris also does a free podcast with some relatable topics too. I don't know if she'll change in the future but at least I'm more well equipped to deal with it now! But it's tough isn't it.

Feel for you OP. My 5 year old is the same but has got a lot more resilient. He's still a crier but he has learnt to deal with situations a lot better since being at school.

It's hard because you want them to show emotions but as you say it is draining and a over the top.

Thanks all. Personally knowing him and some other stuff he does/doesn't do I am not sure there is any sensory disorder and I'm fairly sure he isn't ND - as much as any parent can be of course! Not saying I'm right but looking at checklists etc not much checks out.

Thank you for the book advice I will check those out! Yes hoping school may help. Kill or cure 🤣. Some days he is better than others. Today was a better day :)

Hi OP, sorry I am late to the table here!
My DS is pretty much exactly the same age and also very sensitive. He becomes very upset indeed if asked to do something he doesn't want to.
One thing that has made a significant improvement is working on talking about emotions. We have some peg dolls with different emotions/ colours and books too. He also spends 10 minutes a day talking about his emotions at CM. It's helped him to communicate and control his emotions. Now when he begins to cry and scream I can say "how do you feel?" and he will stop, think and talk 9 times out of 10.

I’d also recommend the book The Orchid and the Dandelion by a US paediatrician. The subtitle is “why sensitivity people struggle and how all can thrive”.

My DD is like this. Since starting reception she has improved a lot. They seem to give her strategies as she says things like "we can still use it" (tiny scratch on a toy caused tears), "I can choose another one" (someone else got the colour cup she wanted) etc. Whilst we also tried these things before she started school, she never really listened when it came from us- I think because she wanted to manipulate us into making a big fuss (and probably giving her whatever she wanted...), which obviously didn't work with teachers!