DH losing his temper with three year old

[WildWombat]

I just don't know where to go with this any more. We have, I admit, a very determined three year old DS who is a handful. I try to explain things to DS and hold boundaries calmly, with mixed success. I assume tantrums and not listening is pretty standard for three years old? No SEN issues. DH always regrets it after he loses his temper with DS, but he just keeps doing it. DS then comes crying to me and I have to diffuse the situation. I just don't know what to do for the best. Obviously I want good behaviour from DS. I want him to listen and do as we ask, but I know that won't always happen and I try so hard to be firm but kind with my discipline. I hate shouting and I really believe it's harmful to DS for his dad to shout harshly and call him naughty. At the very least it will destroy any trust DS has in him as he grows up. I guess I just want to know if my approach is normal, if DH's reactions are normal, if DS being such hard work is normal...? Or are we both cocking it all up?? God, parenting is hard.

Dh was like this. I made him read hot to talk so kids will listen and tried to model what worked better. Dh is fab in that he will listen and reflect. Maybe not in the middle of a situation, but certainly after and will try to act differently in future.

Ds probably can't distinguish between DH shouting and getting angry and his own tantrums. So ds will see shouting and carrying on as the way to achieve things.

My husband was kind of the same when my son was just around 6 months old, and apparently he had a over- active thyroid. He started his medication and after a while he was just ok but took time though- around 3 4 months.

It's hard to say without more specifics. I am not proud to say that on rare occasion , when utterly exhausted and frustrated I shouted at my kids. And I felt dreadful and immediately apologised. Yelling is not remotely good for discipline and is a loss of control. My husband is a very calm individual but on occasion, if I've heard the tension mounting in his voice, I have immediately swooped in and made him leave the room. If I were ever to witness my husband yelling at the kids, my protective instincts would have kicked in. He would have been given a stark warning. If he acted in a threatening way towards them (which shouting is) and it wasn't a one off, he would be gone. I feel that unless he can address his temper/understand more effective ways of dealing with the children, he should leave.