My toddler is horrible

[donewithitreally]

My toddler is just horrible. He learnt shut up from it being said to the dog when he was barking and wouldn't stop. It was a mistake and I know it was my fault. Anyway toddler heard and it's been his favourite words ever since it's just constant. Every tantrum now of which there are many he just berates me shut up mummy shut up shut up shut up. No matter what I say. He ends up screaming it at the top of his voice he's done it in public it's so embarrassing and I just feel like the worst mum ever. He will not stop saying it. He talks me to like crap shut up mummy go away mummy I don't want you mummy. He scratches and hits. You'd think we don't parent him but all we do is try and teach him to be kind and gentle he's just not. He's a brat and he's nasty. Don't know what I've done wrong.

What sort of reaction does he get from you when he's saying shut up or hitting etc?

It does sound incredibly hard xx

How old is he?

How old is he?

Nearly 3

Tried ignoring. Tried correcting him and suggesting kind words. Tried saying that we don't say that. Tried taking toys away. Tried naughty steps. Nothing stops him

Two brilliant books I can recommend - 123 Magic and How to talk so Little Kids Will Listen.

Don't worry! Most toddlers can be pretty uncivilised. But these books give very practical steps.

How old is he? You need to find a different strategy before it escalates into shouting. He knows it winds you up but does not grasp why and gets to a point where he cannot moderate his emotions. Change your language and tone and eventually his will follow.

Some kids are just like this, it’s nothing you’ve done. I guarantee you’ll be teasing him about what a little terror he was when he’s older. You just need to carry on trying not to lose your shit during the process.

I second reading How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen

Ps. Your child isn’t ‘horrible’ though it definitely sometimes feels like that. My toddler is very shouty and hitty at the moment and it’s exhausting

Mine is a couple of months younger. He's definitely feral. You have my sympathy. It's not you, it's them.

Also once you’ve had a look at the how to talk so little kids will liste, have a look at the Philippa Perry book ‘The Book I wish my parents had read’ for some long term perspective. Your child isn’t nasty

He isn't a brat and he isn't nasty, he's just two and learning to assert himself on the world (and you!) which can be very wearing.

What is lovable about him? What makes him laugh? Is he affectionate? Are you affectionate with him? You need to create positive moments with him to strengthen the bond, and lower your expectations for him - yes, correct him gently when he says or does inappropriate things, but that's a normal, positive learning process, not a failure or a disaster. He is supposed to be exploring boundaries and flexing his little muscles - he's a toddler, that's his job.

i know it’s difficult but you need to try to separate the behaviour from the child. The behaviour is horrible, your toddler is not.
Apart from ‘shut up’, what are his language skills like? What causes the meltdowns?
He uses ‘shut up’ because he knows it gets a reaction from you although it could have been a lot worse!!
Watch some SuperNanny, there are quite a few programmes where toddlers are out of control. She advocates the ‘naughty’ step/chair etc technique a lot but it is quite a specific process where it is important to be consistent.
I would however be careful about using the word ‘naughty’ too much. It’s not a good label for any child and gives him another negative word as he could then start using it too.
Theres lots of parenting advice out there. You might want to contact your local health visiting team or children's centre (if you still have them) to see if any courses are running locally. It can be good to know that you’re not the only one whose child is behaving this way.

Good luck donewith 💐

You need to stop taking it so personally. What he says,what will people think,how you will look etc.

He tells you to shut up because he doesn't like what he's hearing. Just like you tell the dog to shut up. At his age he won't understand you're trying to keep him safe,healthy,happy etc by saying no/stopping him. He just knows you're doing something he doesn't like so he want you to stop/go away. He's not rejecting you or being rude, he just expects the same cause and effect he's seen with the dog. Which of course won't work.

What is causing most of the tantrums? Anything that you can let go or that doesn't count for much in the grand scheme of things? Pick your battles, give him choices, remind him when something is coming to an end (5 minutes left, 3 minutes left,1 minute left) ,have clear,reasonable,immediate consequences,give a warning then follow through even if he kicks off.

AhaParenting.com is fantastic

Did it get better? Im currently in the pits of hell

@Mumofonexoyou might want to try an @

Not sure if this was condescending or meant nicely?

I was trying to be helpful.