3.5 year old refusing to potty train

[Idontgiveagriffindamn]

I’ve got a 3 1/2 year old boy that is refusing to potty train. He just says no.
So far we’ve tried encouragement, have loads of potty books, letting him pick his potty, letting him pick his underpants, bribery (chocolate buttons), sticker charts.
we’ve tried periodically over the last 6 months. He just says no, refuses to sit on the potty. He understands want he needs to do but chooses not to.
We need to get him trained as he’ll be going into a preschool nursery soon and needs to be out of nappies.
There’s no SEN that we’re aware of and no concerns that there might be.
Not sure whether we should just take the nappies away and just deal with the consequences as I can’t think of another way at the moment.
This is our second child - first boy potty trained really easily before he was 3.

Sorry meant to ask if anyone has any tips that would be really helpful

Probably a daft question, but have you tried using the toilet instead of a potty?

Ah that’s such a tricky age too! Maybe it’s more of he’s saying ‘no’ as boundary testing, finding his voice and experimenting. I have a boy who has just turned 3 and everything feels like a bit of a battle with ‘no mummy’, ‘I do it mummy’. Wants to do everything his own way!

Personally, I’d do the classic no nappies, bottoms etc and in the house for a couple of days. It’s a boundary he can’t push or get his own way with because he needs to learn. Maybe let him get his own way with other things? Choosing a potty or after a couple of weeks choosing what pants he wants? Let him have a bit of power where the consequences don’t matter?

Oh yes tried that as well. He likes watching others on the toilet. But says he’s too small and will do it when he’s 9! We have the ikea seat for the toilet and various steps.
He’s so stubborn.

Oh and second the toilet thing. We bought a toilet seat that had a toddler bit you pulled down and he loves that!

@Noimaginationforaun my husband has said this. I think he’ll just wee / poo everywhere. He particularly likes to do it under the eldest’s desk 🙈
But it’s probably worth a try.

No real tips just a bit of solidarity. We are also in a similar position although have managed to crack wees but he just refuses to poo in a potty/ toilet!
Taking away the nappies worked for us with wees. We had him in pull ups because it was easier to clean him down but it was easier for him to have the odd lazy accident too. Cover anything that won't clean well put him in cotton training pants and tell him its happening!

I'm in exactly the same position, I nearly had to double check your username wasn't me! No advice at all because our boy (just turned 3) reads books about potty training every night before bed, knows the words off by heart, can flush the toilet and tell me when he is doing a wee in his nappy but point blank refuses to sit on the potty or the toilet 😩

I have all the types of seats and potties and nothing is working. I have to have him trained by September when he goes to preschool so starting to feel the pressure!

@Hallibob that’s exactly the same apart from ours is a bit older. He knows he’s doing a wee or poo.
hope you get it cracked.
We’re giving him a bath and then not putting a nappy on. I’ve hidden all pull ups as he can put these on himself. I’m going to need wine tonight!

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

Good luck!! I'm pregnant so don't even have wine to look forward to 🤦🏼‍♀️ really hope it clicks quickly when nappies are no longer an option.

You’ve got this! Maybe if he does make a mess you can do a ‘oh, you’ve made a mess! We need to clean it up!’ And get him to help you clean it up so it’s not just you scrubbing away if he poos and wees everywhere!

Can you find something really really desirable to him, but tell him it's only for big boys who are out of nappies? Get a picture of it and put it up somewhere visible?

(Otherwise you may find he is sorted within 3 weeks of nursery when he sees the other children being grown up?)

@TeenPlusCat I’ll try this. We’ve talked about getting him a new toy after he is in underpants and he says toy first then underpants.
Think we’re both just worn down by it. But we’ll plough on today and hopefully it will work!

Oh and he already goes to nursery where all of his friends are in underpants. So I’ve tried to use that as well. Nursery have been fab and tried to encourage him.

Thanks everyone. Even just posting on here has made me a bit more positive about it and given me the resolution to just do it.

I have just been having the same with DD 3.5 too, kept refusing to use the potty, tried reward charts, picking knickers etc. 2 weeks ago started just putting knickers on - no nappies - and using a ‘potty timer’ on my phone for sitting on the potty. She had several accidents - hated getting wet and dirty. This definitely incentivised her to use the potty tho, she is now using it herself when she needs to go for wees and poos unprompted at home and prompted/ unprompted when out and about. Not had any accidents for a week now. Still using pull ups at night but she has been dry at night most nights too. She does not want to use the actual toilet yet so been taking potty with us when we go out and she uses it in public toilets.

Like you was starting to get worried as she starts school in September. So don’t give up, he will get there - for us game changer was definitely taking away nappies/ pull ups for daytime.

Have you read and tried Oh crap? (Basically no pants/trousers, watch like a hawk?)

Choose a week over the summer when it's going to be warm.

Get DH to introduce standing up wees? (Possibly worse than nappies for whoever has to clean around the toilet though?!)

Do you have a garden? There was a gross bit on supernanny (about a thousand years ago) where the boys wouldn't potty train so they were allowed to wee in one place out in the garden which then got moved to the toilet once they had the knack. (Surely supernanny didn't allow them to poo in the garden?!)

Can you try some "problem solving" with him? Ask him how he wants to stop wearing nappies? Both give suggestions and come up with a plan that he feels some agency over. (Possibly he'll just say he doesn't though!)

Give yourselves a break and repeat "he won't be at university in nappies"

We have tried the oh crap method but he won’t sit on the potty even when we know he’s going to wee.
We’ve told him we’ve no pull-ups left so he’s currently sulking in a corner with just a T-shirt on. He’s refused underpants. I’m hoping after a couple of wees he’ll want to try a wee in a potty but I think I’m being optimistic

No advice but ds is 3.5 and struggling to go potty for number 2 and just goes in his pants. it’s such a horrible job cleaning out pants 3 times a day.

We’ve been trying since September! We got him a toy as an incentive but that just seemed to confuse and upset him that he couldn’t have it. Advice has been to back off and let him find his own way but it’s not easy. It’s putting me off going to certain playgroups etc.

Toilet instead of potty. With one of those seats that goes over the loo seat. No emptying and washing out.

We were in the same boat with our little one who turns 4 next month, she's only been nappy free about 2 months. We had been worried about it ever since after her 3rd birthday. We had tried multiple methods and ended up just putting her back in nappies. For us it just clicked, a lot of her friends were in pants and she was still in nappies. We got back off holiday and we ran out of nappies so tried for a few hours and low and behold she went on the toilet. She's still in a nappy at night but completely dry in the day. I really wouldn't stress, it will click one day x

Hey, we're in thud situation now, how did you get on??? Xx