Son pooing pants - at my wits end

[bakewellbride]

I have a 3.5 year old ds who potty trained successfully at 2 years and 9 months then overnight at 3. From age 3 practically zero accidents and I thought it was all in the past.

Anyway, recently he has started pooing his pants. It's on average once a day. When things are good he can go a couple of days without any poo accidents but when things are bad it can be 2 or 3 accidents in one day. He has a new sibling which I'm aware is almost certainly the root cause of this, although I can't remember if this started when I was still heavily pregnant or after dd arrived nearly 7 weeks ago.

I just really want to stop the poo accidents now. I find it so draining and frustrating and feel like we've tried everything- changing how we react, bribes, rewards, talking about it, I could go on. For a while things were good when we said he could have a biscuit for a poo on the toilet and for a couple of weeks this worked. However I think the novelty wore off and now he's regressed again.

He's generally taken to his new sister really well and loves to chat to her, hold her hand and help me with nappies although I do still feel for him as it's such a huge change for him. I'm aware that the pooing is probably just a way to try to get more of my attention- especially seeing as he never has a single accident at nursery. I try so hard to give him as much attention and love as I can when he's with me but no matter how hard I try of course inevitably it's different with 2 kids.

I just want the poo accidents to stop. Anyone experienced anything similar? Any advice or tips welcome.

Make it super unfun - so, he has to clean himself up, have a shower, put the dirty clothes in the wash etc. If he realises that shitting himself leads to a bunch of boring chores, he'll likely stop.

The fact that he's not doing this at nursery means it's behavioural not medical.

Look at the Eric website www.eric.org.uk lots of really good information and advice. They have a helpline you can call too. Even though this probably started off as behavioural, he may now be constipated from holding it in and this could be contributing to the accidents. I would sit him on the potty for a few minutes around 10 - 15 mins after finishing each meal as this is when there is a natural reflex to 'go'. Try and be completely neutral about either successes or accidents, bribing / telling off won't help and will make it into even more of an issue.

I agree with PP about the possibility of him being constipated and the mess in pants is due to overflow/leakage and he may not be aware of when it happens.

The ERIC website has some good advice.

Clean him up but otherwise totally ignore it / don't react. No incentives, no bribes, no threats, no reaction.

I made a point, when changing baby’s nappy, of saying to my toddler DD, “Poor baby has to make a mess in a nappy, she’s not a big clever girl like you, using the toilet.”
DD would puff with pride at her “big girl” status! Try to give your DS a similar feeling of accomplishment, let him see you are impressed by his achievements, and it will make him less likely to mimic the baby’s incontinence to gain your attention.
Also, make sure he doesn’t feel excluded- sit him beside you and read him a story while feeding the baby, or sing nursery rhymes with him, whatever, so he isn’t jealous of the baby.
The phase should pass once he feels reassured that he has not been “replaced”.

When he's sat on the loo get him to blow on something that makes a noise or blow bubbles. It works the muscle to poo. My son used to have a Thomas train that he had to blow a whistle to help it go. Don't rush him whilst he's sitting on the toilet read him a book and have it as a routine. Sticker charts help just don't reward with sweets and hide the sticker's so he's not sticking them on himself. Good luck.

Exactly the same happened to my DS. Lasted a month and then he was ok again.

Look at it from his POV

"New baby poos a lot; and every time, she gets Mummy's attention all to herself. Nobody gets cross or complains about baby's pooey nappy. Apparently , incontinence makes her extra adorable.; Mummy is gentle and smiles a lot while she wi[pes baby's pooey bottom..I want Mummy's attention too so I'm going to poo my pants like baby. ".

I suggest, keep a load of clean pants and wipes in the bathroom, and when he poos, just calmly change and clean up without comment.Talk about anything else but not poo or pants or toilets.
When changing baby nappies, do the same , just calmly change and clean her while chatting to DS about something completely different, and when she's all done and dressed again you say casually to baby " When you're big like your clever Brother, he'll teach you how to poo and wee in the toilet like him."

Or, you all go to the bathroomk for nappy changes; baby lies on changing mat on the floor and while she's being changed, big brother gives her a masterclass on how he uses the toilet all by himself.

Does he know he’s doing it or is it an accident? If he doesn’t know he’s doing it it seems more likely it’s a constipation related issue.

Yeah does he know he's doing in?

My 5 year old was doing this and it was constipation. GP was very helpful and he have him a medication which solved it

As other people have said, does he know he's pooing or needs to poo,?
My son has encopresis which is where constipation has stretched the bowel so the nerves aren't working properly. He is on daily medication and waiting to see the incontinence team. He's 6.

Some good suggestions here, thank you everyone. lots to think about and try out.

He definitely knows he's doing it rather than something the GP could fix, as is proven by the fact if never happens at nursery.

I'm going to adopt the neutral reaction approach to accidents and am piling on the praise when he does do it in the toilet (which did happen earlier this evening yay).

The fact that it’s only happening at home strongly suggests it behavioural. It’s exactly as 2bazookas says - he sees baby getting lots of lovely attention when she’s pooed her nappy and us being changed and he wants that
attention as well.
He need lots of praise focusing on how he is a big boy and can show his baby sibling how to use the toilet.