Completely lost my grip on this!

[MolliciousIntent]

How is it that even if the age gap is relatively small, you completely forget what you're doing when DC2 comes along!?

DD2 is 11 weeks old. She's an excellent sleeper through the night and for naps, she's either fed to sleep or in the sling and gets good long stretches and is generally much easier than her sister was!

The issue is that feeding her to sleep at bedtime is taking hours. She's usually awake for an hour and a bit (standard wake window for her) before bedtime, which generally starts around 8.30. But we're then upstairs in the dark for two hours while she has one breast then the other then the first again and repeat. I put her down asleep, she wakes 15 minutes later, we repeat. Eventually she goes down at around 10.30ish. I've tried keeping her up and starting bedtime at 10, but it still takes two hours.

Is it feeding to sleep that is the problem? She's barely drinking, just suckling. How does one stop feeding a newborn to sleep!? I did CC with DD1 but that was later and obviously I'm not going to do that with a tiny baby. Do I just put her down and shhhh pat and hope for the best? How do I cut the 2hr bedtime!? I kinda miss my husband, and I spent a lot of money on a sofa I barely get to sit on, because I spend all evening upstairs in the dark in bed.

Shameless bump

Bit embarrassed to say I've just started tonight's bedtime rigmarole and am having a quiet weep while DD feeds as it's so fucking demoralising to be sitting here in the dark for two hours while the sun shines.

It’s so hard.

I ended up doing milk before bath then bedtime. I tried really hard not to feed to sleep. Worked well for us.

Could you not just feed on the sofa, I'm sure that's what I did in the early days.

Ah op it's so hard. She's so little still. DC3 has just turned 1 (we had a 6 year gap so forgot everything!) But we kept him downstairs with us at that age, he slept in our arms or a Moses basket. Could you do that and pass her to DH to hold her sleeping between breast feeds?

I have been in your shoes, and in hindsight I wish I had just kept my son downstairs on the sofa with me, and done bedtime when I was ready to go to bed. Not sure if that would work for you? I don’t think it being late matters much when they’re very small.

How did you then get them to sleep?!

@ItsTheTreasure @Jackiebrambles @SRK16 the thing is with keeping her downstairs is that she wakes when I take her up, and then I have to start the whole thing all over again, and it still takes 2 hours, so by that point it's midnight and I'm on my knees with exhaustion. If I want to get to bed at a reasonable time I have to start feeding her two hours before that point.

I need a way to get her to sleep that isn't the boob. But she just screams!

I just put her down. She went to sleep quite happily.

Yeah, the vast majority of babies do not do that.

I remember mine both feeding for what felt like hours - so we had a Moses basket in the living room and I fed to sleep then we carried the Moses basket up with us. Do you think she'd wake if you fed to sleep and then straight away took her up to bed, then escaped with the monitor?

Or have you tried a dummy? Both of mine were ebf and both had dummies, they were a bloody god send for comfort sucking.

Would she take a dummy if she's just suckling for comfort?

The slightest movement wakes her, it's a pain in the arse, and she flat out refused a dummy. Also a pain in the arse. Saving grace is when she is asleep she does 4+ hours, but these evenings are really starting to get me down.

Don't give up with the dummy, my ds refused up until about 4 months and then bingo, it clicked!

I try it every few days but she screams bloody murder as soon as it goes in her mouth. See also, bottles.

How does one get a baby to sleep without a nipple!?

She's cluster feeding by the sounds of it. My
Eldest used to do this from 7-10pm and then slept through until 8am from 8 weeks. Try and work round it if you can, or speak to a breast feeding specialist for some ideas. Maybe expressing but it might affect the natural rhythm.

No advice unfortunately, just sending solidarity! I also did this and lost a good 3 months to scrolling in the dark 🙈baby now in her own room and I'm free to scroll downstairs in the light 😆
I hope someone comes along soon with a lightning bolt piece of advice which helps because it's really, really fucking hard AND you've got another one to look after during the day too.
Sending loads of good wishes your way. You've got this!

Crying again, thank you.

It's shit, it's hard, it's boring. Eventually I realised I could feed lying down on my side with baby snuggled in on his side suckling. That way you can play on your phone behind them, or watch netflix with earphones in! Baby doesn't need your attention just let her get on with it.

I think DS just got more efficient at feeding and fell asleep quicker as he got older.

As others have said persevere with the dummy, literally hold it in her mouth until she gets the idea, try different shapes and brands, bigger, smaller etc. I didn't work for DS but I am assured most babies love dummies!

She’s boosting your supply for a growth spurt, the worst thing you can do is to try to stop it, it’s a good thing (massive PITA obviously). Mine used to feed for 5hrs from about 5/6pm. You just need to go with it, it’s not for long.

I genuinely remember claiming I was going to complete netflix when ds was little and ebf.

Things I liked
Grace and Frankie
Stranger things
Umbrella academy
Riverdale
Ginny and Georgia
Big bang theory
Schitts creek
rewatched the office us
parks and recs

@Isitcake so far really enjoying Suits.

My Dd (now 7) was like this, and in hindsight I don't know why I didn't just stay downstairs with her watching TV and chatting to dh with the lights low. At the time I felt like I should stay in the dark because i had done bedtime.

It's so hard isn't it! What I found works for my 10 week old son is- As soon as he wakes up I feed him, wind him then offer a top from the same breast so he gets the thicker milk. We then have about an hours awake time and when he shows signs of being tired, I swaddle him, put white noise on and put him down awake and he falls asleep by himself.

Maybe try doing this from tomorrow day, so that the feed is at the start. I think she may take a few days to get used to it though. Oh and always put her down drowsy but awake so she can get used to self-settling and she has less of a shock when she realises she's not on you anymore.

You're doing great, just tweak things ever so slightly.

I did this with DC1 and gave myself such a hard time about it. With 2 and 3 I just stayed on the sofa feeding till DH and I went to bed and took baby up with me them. Unfortunately I can't remember how I put them down when I got up there. Think I did another feed in bed then DH took him/her and either put them down or rocked/paced for a whlle till they were asleep