Constant worrying about SIDS - Premature newborn

[Nik3552]

i gave birth to my beautiful Son 2 weeks ago - 6 weeks early at 34+1 after a difficult donor egg IVF journey & problematic pregnancy. He is currently in the SCBU but doing very well. Off oxygen, feeding tube & monitoring. We are due to bring him home on Sunday. I stopped breast feeding as I wasn’t producing a lot milk & found it really stressful whilst trying to recover from quite a traumatic Caesarean section.
Now that the day to bring him home is near I am in a constant panic about SIDS. I’ve read everything and will of course do the recommended safe sleeping plus we have monitors etc but I blame myself for my body failing him - not carrying him to term & not breastfeeding. It says that premature babies of a low birth weight and not breast feed are more at risk which has sent my anxiety into overdrive. I am convinced that something bad is going to happen. Is this normal to worry so much.

Welcome to motherhood, where you will worry about something for the rest of your life!

Congrats on your lovely baby, sounds like a real ordeal to get here. I was worried about SIDS too but in reality, the risks are really very small. You can only do what you’re doing which is to set up the safest sleep environment, sleep near to the baby yourself, don’t smoke etc and in all likelihood you’ll be absolutely fine.

Its also worth getting some help for your anxiety and the trauma post birth, they’re probably linked and the mix of new baby hormones won’t be helping too.

I think it’s the sheer enormity of the responsibility as a first time parent. I barely slept a wink for the first 3 nights - I was convinced if I didn’t watch him ALL the time he’d stop breathing! As PP has said, make sure you follow safe sleep guidelines and speak to HV or GP if your anxiety gets overwhelming. I hope you can enjoy bringing your new little one home.

I too had a little ex Nicu preemie and was obsessed with SIDS. We also had a few episodes where she turned blue but the angel care monitor went off. Also used one of those monitors on her nappy which would buzz if she stopped breathing/breathing slowed. We used the angel care monitor for two years and my Dh slept holding the parent monitor in his hand. Even though DD was in our room for a year! Big hugs. You’ll get through this. Using a dummy can reduce risk of SIDS in non bf ex prem babies - you can research it for reassurance.

Congratulations. My prem baby is 23 today, born at 3lbs, no breast feeding. The best moment I had after birth, when wracked with guilt, was a midwife bouncing in saying 'I was a 3lb baby'. It was the most perfect moment and gave me hope.

Also, just to say that I too had that ‘failure’ feeling when I couldn’t breastfeed my first. It was like a grief. It did ease (and baby thrived perfectly fine on formula!) If you do want to have another go though, it is possible to re-lactate (I only mention as I wish I had known this as I might have liked to give it a second shot once I was more physically recovered from the birth!)

Congratulations on your little one!

It’s normal to worry of course but don’t blame yourself for anything. He’s alive and coming home, he’s okay.

Congratulations, my prem baby (2lbs10) turned 5 yesterday. You will worry about everything, that's par for the course. The angel care monitor was what eased our mind slightly, I'd used it for my (full term) eldest too and it helped alleviate some of the anxiety

Congratulations OP! My son (now 5 and full of beans) was born at 33+6 and I couldn’t breastfeed either. It’s really common with prem babies especially given the stress associated with their early arrival - plus before 35/36 weeks they don’t know how to suck anyway so tube feeding normal until they develop that reflex and can take a bottle/breastfeed.

Have a look at Owlet monitors, they are expensive but - in my experience - worth it for peace of mind.

Enjoy getting to know your little one and please don’t beat yourself up - you’re doing great.

Congratulations on your new baby! Your story sounds almost the same as mine - I was also worried about SIDS and we decided to use a dummy pretty early on while he was in the NICU - in fact it’s a dummy that he learned how to suck/ drink milk with so multiple good reasons for it. As a PP said there is research now to show it can help to counter SIDS. There’s the various monitors etc that you can get and baby will be in the same room as you for the first 6 months so you’ll be able to monitor him too.
when we moved DS to his own room we now use an AI monitor so gives you alerts when he rolls (he now rolls back so all ok!) and you can check him on your phone if pit so peace of mind.
The NICU journey is a hard start with a new baby and you’re doing amazingly well - keep strong and take a day at a time.