Helping 6mo sleep alone

[Orangepen13]

My 6mo is a full contact sleeper. All naps are on me (or pram/car seat on occasion) and we co-sleep at night (her choice, not mine!)

For the last 10 days, we’ve tried her on her own in the eve. We do bedtime, feed, cuddle to sleep in our bed, wait for a bit and roll away. This usually lasts 30-40 mins before she wakes up crying. Only I can soothe it, if my partner tries she just escalates until I come up (where she stops instantly). Then we cuddle to sleep but no matter how gently I leave, she pings awake when I try to remove myself and starts crying (stops as soon as we cuddle again). Sometimes I’m up here for 45 mins trying to leave.

feels like I lose more of my evenings now than when she just slept on me all evening!

anyone had a little one like this? My question is, is this just part of the process and I should persevere, or is it better to just give up if it’s not going to improve?! I realise you can’t see into the future, but I don’t mind if this will eventually help her sleep. Just don’t know if I’m wasting my time!

Following for same issue

We had this problem with my son. We ended up co sleeping until he was 1 but this was during covid and all the lockdowns so we didnt mind. Not sure if your little ones are a bit young but it may work.
Anyway when he was 1 we said enough is enough. We did bath story bottle and bed. He would scream as soon as we laid him down and wake all night long crying for us. It was exhausting.
Our HV was an absolute hero and gave us this help:
Do normal routine but lay baby down in cot awake nap and bedtime. Stay there quietly and say night night sleepy time. If baby wants to hold your hand through the bars or keep your hand on their tummy for reasurrance thats fine. Then once quiet remove hand but stay in the room in silence until baby is asleep and then leave. If they wake and cry go in repeat but dont pick them up unless their really distressed to calm them down again. Try not to talk to them if you can.
It took 2 hours the first week and then got better. By the end after 3-4 weeks we laid him down said night night and sat there. He was asleep in 10mins. We got our evenings and nap time back. It was very tiring to get to that point but felt so good that he wasnt finding naps and bedtime distressing anymore.

Ever since from 14 months he sleeps 12 hours a night and 1- 1 1/2 hour naps in the day. Now hes 2 we say night night and leave him to lay down and go to sleep on his own which he does in 5-10mins.

Perseverance is key but by not doing cry it out he knew we'd come when he cried and that helped him feel reasurred so helped him sleep. I hope this works for you.

Thank you so much @abbs1 that gives me some hope! When you said it took 2 hours at the beginning, was that crying or was baby just awake and playing?

@Orangepen13 that was from start to finish. He would cry for 10mins or so then slowly settle but lay awake quietly for a while then sit up to make sure i was still there then lay down again but mostly quiet just watching me. Once he was asleep i waited another 5-10mins to make sure he was properly asleep before trying to leave otherwise hed just wake up hearing the door open.
After week 1 it got down to around an hour or bit more but as he knew I wouldn't leave him until he was asleep he went to sleep quicker and just progressed from there.
When he was around 18 months when he woke at night we waited a few mins before going in and he'd usually lie down again and go back to sleep on his own and has done ever since.

I really hope it works for you. It honestly gave us our energy and life back.

Just to offer an alternative perspective, we tried the gradual retreat method outlined by Abbs, and found that it actually distressed DD a lot more that we were right there but not giving her what she wanted (IE cuddles) and that doing CC (controlled crying, where you leave and return at set intervals) was a lot less upsetting for her and took a lot less time.

Both methods are great, but which one works best for you massively depends on what sort of kid you have, so just be aware of that when you start!

Yes thats definitely a good point Mollie. We tried the controlled crying going in and out every 5mins but it didnt work and he screamed and cried for too long which was very distressing on both sides so decided it wasnt for us. But definitely see what works best for your little one.

I did the same as abbs1. Rub the tummy or pat the back but do not pick them up or talk to them. Then move to sitting down with your hand through the bars, then you’ll be able to sit with your back to the cot, and slowly move further away.
It will happen, you’ve just got to stick with it.

Before that we tried me going out so I wasn’t there for him to want me. I came back to vomit all over the baby, cot and floor, and he was very upset.

We did the cry it out only for 2 nights. 2nd night he fell asleep sitting up against the bars. when I went to lay him down he was covered in vomit, as was the cot, walls and floor too so had to give him a bath so couldn't put him through another night of it. Broke my heart.

I'm not the best voice of authority as our sleep isn't great (9months) but we we've managed to do the rollaway. 1.) It never used to work, awake 5mins after I'd roll away, until one day it just did, so it might be a developmental thing (for us, around 6 months for nights and 8.5 months for naps) and 2.) I'd lift her wrist to check she was floppy and fully asleep before doing the rollaway - sometimes I'd think she was out cold but the wrist check said otherwise.

I also found it helped to push the top corner of a pillow into the bend of her body (away from arms/airways) as i departed so she didn't "feel" the empty space so much.

We're now able to transfer her into the cot for night sleeps (albeit only for 1-2hr stretches) which never used to work but suddenly one day did - so things do change!