Almost 4 year old not listening or following instruction

[snooze987]

Everything is a challenge at the moment.

I mean absolutely everything or there's always a reason he can't go what I ask. As annoying as it is when he's doing that to me I can handle it although driving me mad but he has a swimming lesson today in which he was exactly the same.

If we say no to anything he cries or throws a tantrum.... I really thought we were passed all that.

Is there something I can do to stop this?We've put up a reward chart today he threw a tantrum when going a bed because I said no star as he wasn't good today and will start again tomorrow.

I think ‘wasn’t good today’ is probably a bit woolly for a four yo. It’s needs to be something pretty definite & with a fairly good chance of him succeeding.
are you sure he’s hearing you okay? W had this for a bit & needed ear syringing (great big lumps of wax came out!)

I’d break the reward chart up a bit. Rather than "good" or "bad" for the day, a star for putting your shoes on when asked, etc etc

‘You were not good today’ is far too an abstract concept for a 4 year old. If you are using star charts, make them for a specific behaviour and definitely not at bed time when he’s likely to be more aggy anyway. It’s mentioned on here a lot but read/listen to ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’ - it’s got loads of great advice.

Oh and also tantrums for no etc does sometimes go in phases, sometimes they need to go back & revisit some boundaries & push them a bit to see if they are still there I think.
if it’s any consolation my 4yo is also going through a bit of a phase just now too. Somewhere in between wanting to be babied and coming to terms with having to do stuff them self.

And also gets worse when tired. Try not to do anything at all that might poke the beast in the hour or two before bed or food!

Agree with the above - you need to be more specific with what it is you are judging to be ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I would also probably avoid those words and perhaps focus on the positives or things to work on together.

Also agree with checking hearing. My DS has glue ear and he can barely hear a thing during his swimming lessons.

I found 4 quite a tricky age.

'1,2,3 magic' and' how to talk so kids will listen' were helpful books for me.

Sounds like my sparky 5 year old right down to the swimming drama! I’m finding digging deep for extreme patience helps. No point getting annoyed because then it escalates and we get nothing done. Try to praise effort and keep things upbeat. It’s exhausting.

My 3.5 year old is a walking talking middle finger at the moment. He doesn't listen, does what he likes, kicks off at the smallest of things. He's a nightmare to parent right now. Holding my breath that it's just another phase. I don't remember this from my now 7 year old.

Thanks for the comments.

We've started the reward chart today. So he had sticker for getting dresser and going to nursery without a fuss. He'll have another one if he listens well at Nursery.

So we are keeping it simple. I've also put a ban on the iPad as he literally just wanted to
Sit and play on it for hours and when I
Tried to take it away he was having a tantrum.

I guess this is relatively normal. He's been quite difficult during the toddler years and it peaked at christmas I was just hoping we were past it.

Sounds like normal 4 year old. They are gaining independence at this age that they didn't have before, and boy do they enjoy "exploring this"

My son is 7 now, but I could have written your post when he was 4. Mine took it a step further by ripping up the reward chart and saying "I don't care" 🙄

He's grown out of this now, he still has selective hearing however ..but the tantrums are less and negotiation is easier because of his maturity.

Basically at 4 it was like trying to deal with a velocaraptor on amphetamine. It passed.

Don't worry, pick your battles, also I just ignore temper tantrums, I walk away and don't engage. If he wants to thrash about and scream, I don't need to witness it.