Feeling like I’m not parenting toddler very well

[Coldstrawberrymilkshake]

my DD is 17 months and gets very bored and restless in the house. She doesn’t watch TV or anything like that, most of our time is out at parks etc.

I am a bit worried we are out too much and I’m not doing enough playing with toys etc. Her understanding doesn’t seem to be very good and wondering if this is because she does too much.

Honestly second time mum here. Toddlers don't need you to be doing stuff constantly with them. Toys and lazy days at home are perfectly fine and good for them.

I was always at the park with my youngest and really until they are bit bigger they don't need constant days out.

Let your DC be bored once in a while it helps build independence!

I think the issue is less where you are (out or in) but more what you're doing with her while you're out, and in particular whether you're talking to her. It's the absolute best gift you can give to kids of that age - talking to them, a lot. Explain things, name things, point to things, explain things, read books, the works. You're the narrator of their entire world.

That said, it would probably do no harm if allowed her to lead you into what she wants to do at home sometimes, rather than the default being Out - where her options to make choices might be fewer?

How does her boredom/restlessness manifest itself? Does she need you to start her off on an activity so she knows it's an option, for example?

But they aren’t @candlesandpitchforks , that’s my point, she just cries and whinges and tantrums. They are fine if the child is fine but that’s not what I’m saying.

I do talk to her but I don’t think she takes very much in and she isn’t ever really still do you can explain something to her. I must admit I am wondering if there’s some additional needs but hard to say.

Boredom is normal and healthy. It breeds creativity and imagination. The families I know whose children can’t entertain themselves never gave them the chance because they were always having organised fun.

Give her a wooden spoon and a cardboard box. Read her stories. Listen to music. Dance around the kitchen. Cook and tell her what you’re doing, let her munch on the ingredients and look at colours and shapes in what you’re making.

Children are learning every minute of the day, they need space to process it all. To listen to their thoughts and feelings.

Try to have confidence in her ability to entertain herself and learn from everything around her. Believe in your ability to teach and engage with her without too much planning or organisation.

How heavy is she and could you stick her in a carrier on your back?

I think it's finding the balance.
Don't feel like you need to be out all day.
We tend to be out on a morning or an afternoon.
We also have days we stay in our PJs and potter round the house and tbh we both need it sometimes.

I used to walk round the supermarket and for example if they didn't have something I'd say Awr Holy they don't have it, what will mammy get instead? Etc and then come on then we'll go to the till.
Just little things like that can make a massive difference.

Does she enjoy her toys? Do toy rotation so she doesn't get bored quick of them.
Does she have a tea set? That's a great one to kick off their imagination and some understanding.

But generally a little bordum doesn't hurt anyone. Don't feel like you have to be on the go 24/7

She doesn’t really engage with those activities @AnneLovesGilbert . This is my concern really. Prob need to speak to a professional.

Have a chat with your HV if you’re concerned. My post crossed with your update on your worries.

I suppose this is where my worries re her development come from, I just couldn’t have her in the house all day, all she’d do would be follow me around screaming.

I think you either have a DC who is happy to potter round at home with toys, or you don’t. I’ve got a friend with twins a bit older than my DS. One can’t be dragged away from his possessions, where as the other brings my friend his shoes and coat after 30 minutes of being in the house. One of my nephews has been truly epic at entertaining himself since about 10 months old. His younger brother (same age as your DD) literally climbs the walls. Point is, identical parenting, different outcome.

At 17 months, I was out for most of the day with DS. He could entertain himself for hours at the park or the duck pond or a toddler group…but was whingey and frustrated within an hour of being at home. He’s better now at 2 but still only has very limited interest in toys. I do try and encourage some time at home, but I don’t force toys. We either do jobs together, read or explore each room.

I do agree with PPs in that it’s important not to feel like a circus clown entertaining them every waking minute. But at 17 months, they don’t have the understanding or imagination to equate boredom to ‘well I better sit and play with these toys I have no interest in as going out isn’t an option’. I think facilitating opportunities to explore and learn is more important and, if doing that outside works for you, then carry on doing it.

Try stuff like letting her empty out kitchen cupboards, or pouring pasta with a cup from one container to another. DD had little interest in toys for a long time but liked seeing what was in all the cupboards. I would say though DD was much happier outside than at home before 2, now I struggle to shift her after her afternoon nap.