Should nanny and her children still come together?

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Hi, I have a baby boy and because he enjoys the company of other children we agreed that the nanny comes with her 2 children. My baby boy is almost 3 and she has a 2 year old girl and a boy who is 3 and 7 months. The ages are all great but the energy of her boy exhaust my boy and after 3 hours of play he comes to me and wants to stay quiet in his room.
I'm not sure what to do, to try to stop this as my child is not keeping up or let him get used to this kind of energy as he'll start nursery in August. Plus if I want to stop this won't I offend the nanny? Another thing which is I'm quite not happy about is the state of the room/house after they leave. My nanny is trying to tidy up but the vacuum it takes too much to ask her to do as 2 of the babies don't like the noise.
Should we just take it in the chin as she's doing us a favour as she's coming with her children so that my child can have this kind of interaction.
I don't mind when she's coming only with her daughter as she's quiet and they play nicely all day.

Don't know what to think or what to do!!!

You're the employer, you make the rules. But be aware if you tell her she can't bring her children, she may not be able to work for you. Or get a new nanny without children.
Also, you don't have a baby, you have a toddler, or little boy.

At first I thought you meant 3 months not 3yo! Sorry but he's not a baby.

Back to the point I think it's a bit odd that she's bringing her 2 children to your house and paying her for it.

You have a toddler who in a few months will be a pre schooler.

None of them are babies!!!!

Also she’s not doing you a favour, she is your employee. You pay her to look after your children. If it’s no longer working, find a new childcare solution

This is basically a childminder who is in your house. With 3 toddlers you won’t be getting the nanny experience of developing your child with games or benefitting from nursery chores. Are you paying nanny rates?
Equally I doubt it’ll work to ask her to bring one child and not the other. Who would mind the one at home?
it doesn’t sound like this arrangement is working.

I wouldn't be happy with a nanny bringing her own children, she is being paid to care for your child not her own.

I would say the arrangement isn't working, your child is get over tired and I would consider finding a new nanny to take her place, and giving your current nanny an opportunity to arrange childcare for her children or change jobs.

It's difficult. I've had this....and even the nanny bring her three-year-old and the puppy. Bits are good, and then they can get not good. There could be issues which create even more complications. This may not be relevant, but if she relies on bringing her kids to work with her, does she have back up childcare for when they are sick and throwing up?

It's definitely a situation that is tolerated by a number of families, but I've usually known it with one child. Two is skews the dynamics further.

It sounds as if your child isn't very happy, and the home set up isn't like school where there is more space and set routines and plenty of toys and activities to take turns with. You don't really know how your nanny manages sharing, etc. when you are not there - and so you probably have to be guided by how your child seems to be enjoying the experience...or not.

That is hilarious! Do you really think a child learns less when with other children?

Why so condescending? A child learns decidedly less when the supervision is 1-3 than it would 1-1.

the mum is paying for a nanny and the nanny can take her children to work. If the son is not happy then the situation no longer works and the nanny needs to nanny.

Do you need the nanny? It sounds like she uses yours as a paid playdate not an employee. Can she not child mind at hers?

If you're paying less for her to bring her children which is usual in these circumstances, you need to keep going. If you're paying usual rate and her 3yo could otherwise be in preschool with paid hours or other childcare, I'd be asking her to reduce the amount of time her eldest or both are with you.

You want to change her terms and conditions so make sure Yeo follow employment law and do a proper consultation

Even though bringing her children may not be in her contract for allowing this to go on for some time means it is a de facto employee benefit that you wish to withdraw.

ACAS can give you free advice as an employer on how to handle this situation.

It can be done. But do it properly.

I think it’s really hard for your child to have this in his house using his toys and with nowhere to get away from it all. He would be far better going out with her to meet other children in their homes/play places some of the time and having them back to his home some of the time. It sounds really exhausting and invasive for him. What about they come once a week for a play day and he goes to a swimming lesson/class on one or two of the other days. It would be good for him to make more friends.

If it's not working anymore, then expect to find a new nanny, as this one probably took the job with the idea that she can bring her own. I think that one child would have been fine, but 2 children does seem like a lot, especially as they're all 3 and under.

You example of the nanny being unable to Hoover is odd, I'm a nanny and don't Hoover. I'm not a cleaner.

Also your 3 year old is not a baby 🙄

I'd expect a nanny to clear up food mess or bits on the floor from a craft activity. I wouldn't expect them to fully clean a room. I think that's pretty standard.

Why are people being so horrible over this and not even attempting to help the op? I’m in Liverpool and generally the youngest in the family gets referred to as ‘the baby’. I still call my 5yo the baby. I’m almost 40 and my 80yo neighbour calls me the little girl next door.
Op I’d say this isn’t working out. She has all the benefits here and you’re paying her for it.

I'd expect a nanny to clear up food mess or bits on the floor from a craft activity. I wouldn't expect them to fully clean a room. I think that's pretty standard.

I do that quite effectively with a dust pan. Quite often when a parent mentions hoovering, they're expecting a full hoover of the room. I know, I've been doing it for years

To give you more insight into the situation. The nanny is a great lady, she travels for 1 hour to come here and she's paid less than what others have wanted for the job. She only comes 4 hours a day and I'm in the other room as I'm working from home so if she needs me or my son needs me I can come over. We have plenty of toys so they can do a rotation and the reason I kinda want them to come over is to give my son the experience of more children under my supervision (I can hear what is happening and every so often I walk in the room). Other places we have tried sending him to refused to let me in become of Covid and they what me to drop him at the front door. I've taken him so cried out that I've refused taking him back. I've tried arranging play dates but it's not always working out and it's not constant. He has his bedroom so if it gets too much for him he can go there and I stay with him when that is the case.
Her son only comes once a week so I should just accept it as I am doing it for my son. At the end of the day when going to nursery he'll meet all sorts of children and he needs to get used to different levels of energy. I don't want to live in a bubble as I've done that mistake in the past. He like playing with other children and that is the reason I want to accept the situation.

I don't think it's fair for a child to have to hide in their own house to get away from other kids on a regular basis. Home is a child's one safe space and I'd try to preserve that.

However, I do think you're going to need to start encouraging your son to be a little more independent so nursery is a good way to go. Yes, he will be surrounded by boisterous kids and it'll be tiring but he'll be under the care of experienced staff with structure in place.

Problem with hiring a nanny at home, when you are also there and the nanny brings her kids, is that it really muddies the water and puts responsibility for your DS' happiness in a grey area if you're always available. It needs to be really clear for both your child and the nanny who is in charge in this situation.

If her son only comes once a week i think you should continue. It sounds like a good arrangement.

Not being horrible, stating facts!

I think you need to be very clear in your mind as to what is happening. In effect the nanny is caring for your child and facilitating a play date with her son on one day a week. If it was a totally unconnected child and your ds didn’t gel with him and ended up avoiding him you would find a different child to play with. Your ds doesn’t need to learn to be more like nanny’s son, they are both perfectly acceptable but different sorts of people. Stop the play dates with nanny’s son for a few weeks.