Struggling ASD/no speech

[T90]

Please no judgement on this post - am struggling to cope

My 2.6 year old DD is still not talking and has shown some ASD traits (minimal eye contact/getting upset if someone is in her personal space/no conventional play etc) HV were made aware last year, we have speech therapy input (very minimal appointments/support) and have tried private speech therapy. We were finally seen by a paediatrician last week who said it’s highly
likely she is autistic due to delayed speech. Although we half expected this, I feel like my world has come crashing down. My DH has taken the news quite well and is very positive about everything.

Honestly, I am struggling to cope with this news. I feel I have to be strong and positive but I am so worried for her future and when she has bad days, I am noticing her ASD traits more and more. She’s starting to push me away when I try to cuddle her. I feel my bright, happy little girl has gone from me and I don’t recognise this child anymore. I am days away from having our second child and I guess the hormones probably aren’t helping but am so stressed about this news. I feel I can’t enjoy the countdown before they’re here - I keep crying and feel so angry.

I feel the worst mother for feeling this way and too ashamed to express how I’m feeling to my DH/my family/professionals.

Any advice or support is welcome

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I don't have any advice really but bumping for you.

Are there any support groups you could access? Either in person or on FB etc?

💐

Mine doesn't do cuddles either, it still makes me sad even though he's a teen now! My advice would be to talk to her as much as possible, just constantly about what you're doing, what she's doing, anything. Try to follow her lead and watch and learn what she's interested in and what she likes doing. If she's spinning around, join in, if she's lining toys up, join in, if she's banging spoons then find more things to bang with her. Give her lots of warning as she gets older between activities ie that she will need to stop x soon so that you can go and do y. If she melts down try to work out what overwhelmed her - maybe any number of things. Don't try and make her fit into convention, just let her ne her and try to enjoy that.

Any advice or support is welcome

Focus on what you have not what you think you should have/expected to have.

I don't mean that to sound harsh, I can't seem to find any way to say it without it sounding bad though.

It's absolutely fine to feel like you do! Your hormones are probably running riot with the big change of a new baby coming and I went into a total spin when someone independent said autism about dd even though I'd been saying it for ages!
My dd is a teenager now. She's brilliant. Not cuddly but funny, loyal and kind. And has friends. It hasn't always been easy, especially when trying to get the support in place but getting a diagnosis early and being firm about her needs is key.

There's a FB group, 'Parents of autistic girls UK' that's really supportive.

Thank you for all your mind replies x