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Original poster

How to handle this recurring issue

32 replies

KnotofAnxiety · 02/05/2022 08:19

My child is 9
We have a group of friends and children who we see regularly and have days out and meet ups etc.
My child during these times will come and tell me that so and so hasn't let them play or so and so has said they aren't good at something or that they've been pushed or any number of things

I've been saying to my child to just ignore them and play something else but I'm sure not sure that's the right approach?
It's making me feel like my child is the one who has a problem as none of the others ever come and say anything but I also wonder if one of the children isn't acting kindly towards my child and I should try and see this group less and forge new groups.
We've talked alot about it all and all my child says is when one of them does these things it makes him feel sad and angry but I'm also conscious that my child might just be over sensitive and telling tales as it were...

Any help would be appreciated as I'm mulling all this over

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Original poster
KnotofAnxiety · 07/06/2022 16:28

JuneOsborne · 07/06/2022 06:30

But, what if he is experiencing some low level bullying? Is it always the same child that your son says is being mean?

You need to get to the bottom of what is actually going on. Is your son being over sensitive? Or is he being singled out? Until you know what's actually going on, you can't deal with it, because if it is that your D's is on the receiving end of shitty behaviour, that's what needs dealing with, not your child's reaction to it. If your child is being ott, then that's what needs dealing with.

It's the same few..
Also he's very sensitive and will walk away and sit on his own looking fed up after these things have happened

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carefullycourageous · 07/06/2022 16:44

KnotofAnxiety · 07/06/2022 06:01

He wouldn't want to leave. He wants to be with these friends and wants to be liked so badly. It's the comments that are harder to deal with for us
The rough play isn't the issue really
It's the being left out and the little digs
We are trying to help him feel more confident but when he is left out he's just sad. We explain that the kids don't have to let him play and that we all have a choice but at 9 he just wants to join in
Its very hard

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You are facilitating the bullying of yourown child IMO.

Of course he is sad - he is being left out and his parents are doing nothing to stop him having to go through it again and again.

Sorry to be blunt but I think you are being very unkind to your child. I would either stand up for my child when it happened or stop putting them in this situation, not criticise him for being understandably upset. It is absolutely NOT hard for you, but you are making things hard for your child.

carefullycourageous · 07/06/2022 16:45

He's not over sensitive either, he is normally sensitive to being left out.

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Original poster
KnotofAnxiety · 07/06/2022 16:49

Thank you I appreciate your honesty
I just feel like if all the kids in this group get on and have no issues then why does mine

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carefullycourageous · 07/06/2022 16:52

KnotofAnxiety · 07/06/2022 16:49

Thank you I appreciate your honesty
I just feel like if all the kids in this group get on and have no issues then why does mine

That is how bullying works - groups pick on someone.
How can you not see this?

Why are you blaming your child for the fact that other children are leaving him out, making digs at him and making him sad?

Why are you doing this?

Original poster
KnotofAnxiety · 07/06/2022 17:14

Sometimes it's hard to see what is in front of you.
Rest assured it's all clearer now

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Original poster
KnotofAnxiety · 07/06/2022 19:25

Also difficult when my son wants to be around them.. he would always choose to see them and says he enjoys it when we get together
He would be upset if he knew they did stuff and he missed out
So confusing

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