Degree making me feel like a terrible mother-want to pack it in.

[mummyvontummy]

Am doing a law degree at Cambridge-it's a fab opportunity and I was really excited about it when I first started, but I'm not meeting my expectations in any way shape or form, I miss dd terribly (she was at home with me until she was 3 1/2) and I just feel like a lazy horrid mother. I feel thick and stupid and worthless, and am just getting getting lower and lower and lower. I wish I'd just gone and got a normal job and then I wouldn't feel like such a lay about-I feel dreadful sending her to nursery every day when I know that I'll hardly get anything done because I can't engage with the work at all, and because I can't engage with it I hate it, and therefore can't engage with it, etc etc etc, I can never remember feeling so low-has anyone else ever felt the same? x

It will be so worth it in the end - honestly! I know how you feel but you must keep at it if it is something that you deep down enoy.

I have just finished my law degree (took 5 years part time) and I worked part-time also. I have a ten month old daughter who was born right in the middle of my last exams!!

You can do it!! You are prob feeling so low because studying can be tough going.....if you are determined you will do it.....if you are really struggling why don't you defer for a year???

I'm also at Uni, with 3 kids (yongest started school this week part time- has SN) and am also pregnant.

There have been ooments where I've thought that i'm doing every single thing at 50% and nothing properly BUT overall I think its good for the boys to see me doing this, I have a fab CM and although I found it extremely hard to hand ds3 over at first (am aware I have issues with him- v jealous of his 1-1 atm ) I did get used to it.

however it ahs to be the right degree and Uni for you; I rejected Bristol for a 'lesser' Uni on the basis of its family friendliness, am not sure of cambrisge's rep on that front? But what is the tops at 18 isn't necessarily at 30 (or however old you may be).

There is of course part time as an option, which is how I plan to do my MA next year.

Thank you both so much-just found out I was meant to be on a stupid course today that I forgot about too-argh! Feel better now dd is home though! I'll get there, eventually! Thank you again

Hang in there - you are doing it for your dd as much as yourself. Have you considered speaking to your tutor or the relevant student support service? It could be that you are just a bit run down and judging yourself unfairly, and feeling worse. Sometimes a few counselling sessions can help put things in perspective. You've got a place on the course so you are not thick but capable; your dd has a nursery place and most children do very well in nurseries, and you and your dd will have a better life for it. You are not lazy, nor worthless. Get all the support you can - as Avizandum said, if you are really determined, you can do it.

what year are you in? do you have the second year blues
i went back to uni when ds1 was 3. i ahd to be at uni for 6 weeks then placemnt for 6 weeks full time. i hated it but managed it in the end. and ok so i didnt get a first but i still got a 2:1 and a very well paid job out of it at the end. and its the things you do after you get your degree that your dd will remember most.
my ds1 is 9 now and doesnt really remember nursery so it didnt leave a bad impression on him

What year are you in? I'm at Cambridge too - I'm in my 3rd year PhD and dd is 2.5. It is very intense - especially this year.

There is a parent-student network of sorts. I haven't really used it - I guess I haven't had time (!) and also I live here. Are you here just to study or do you live here normally?

I do feel anxious sometimes that I'm not being efficient enough with my time - espeically the 3 days/week that dd is in nursery - it seems terrible to waste any of that time but we are all only human!

I do have moments when I wonder why on earth I am putting us all through this. I do want to do it - I could just live with a bit less intensity and time pressure.

I'm sure there is no question that you are up to it - it's just a question of motivation.

Thank you again you three-I'm feeling a bit better today-got some new pens and paper, which has motivated me (how sad!!). I keep trying to keep pace with the 18 year olds, or think I should be doing better than them because I don't have to go out and things-I forget that they don't have a house and dd to look after, which is why I get so down. SO good to know there is a PhD Cambridge bod on here! I live here all year too, so have June, July, August and September at home before dd starts School!! School! She's my baby, she can't go to school!

I'm first year second term of an undergrad course, so it's not second year blues, I think it's just sheer head blown off by the intensity and my horrendous time management, and the fact that dd's gone from home all day every day to full time nursery (I say full time, we've had 3 weeks off over xmas and I've been taking her in at 11.30 until 4 this week to get her back in to it, but the guilt is still there!!) Thank you all for being so supportive, I think if I just try and do a bit more work each day than the day before I will eventually get there! It's so good to know that others do get there (and good jobs DO come at the end of it!)

Do you have a supportive tutor?
They are there to help and should be able to reassure you about how THEY think you are coping which may be very different to your view. You definitely should be able to find someone in your college/faculty to discuss how you are feeling. Don't feel that you need to impress them by pretending that everythings is fine.

Also worth remembering that many of the non-parent students will be having similar crises about whether they are up to the course. Obviously you have much more on your plate than they do but this doesn't mean that they are coping any better with the stresses of the course. They tend to have better mutual support systems so it is important that you find local support from either a tutor or other parent students.

Good luck!

mummyvontummy - would your guilt over time management allow you to meet for lunch one day? My hermes id is gr242, drop me an email if you're interested.

Oh gosh yes please! Will email you, hang on! xx

Thank you love2sleep-I did email my tutor, but my mum's in intensive care at the mo too, so I think he thought I felt this way because of mum and basically the email basically just said "defer", but if I do that I'll feel like a complete failure! Today is much better productivity wise though-as long as I get off mn in the next 5 mins! Ha ha! xx

Ah. My father died during the first term of my MPhil and I nursed my mother who died during the first term of my PhD. I considered deferring the second time - still not sure if I should have done or not. We can have a chat about it.