Regret

[mamaiscool]

I regret not breastfeeding. Is it too late or too weird to start now my child is 16 months?

If they're not breastfeeding they probably don't need it for comfort etc now as they must get comfort through a cuddle and they're old enough to be eating a varied diet. Do you feel that you are close to your dc in other ways? I think you need to think about why this has become so important at this point? At 16 months and not having breastfed as an infant this is likely not what your dc needs from you right now. A game you could do together would benefit your relationship and eg improve language skills as well as being more appropriate to introduce at this stage.

I've regretted for a long time but becoming a mother was abit of a surprise when I found out and it wasn't really planned. But I've always wanted to be a mum so I've loved it. I just feel I have missed out on the one of the things that would've made us closer just because I felt overwhelmed :(

It if helps, I breastfed both of mine, first to 14 months, second till about 3.5 years, but I never really found it a bonding experience, if I am honest. It was just a thing I did.

agree with PP, there are so many other bonding things you can do. Focus on what you do have.

I think at 16 months this would be more about your feeling of having missed out rather than their best interests. It is unlikely you could successfully induce lactation, and even if you did your toddler would be unlikely to be able to latch as the instinct will have long since passed.

I'm sorry you feel sad about not having breastfed, but there are a thousand ways to bond with your toddler, breastfeeding is just one.

Far far far too late. Probably better off putting your energy into seeking therapy to help you overcome your feelings about it.

If you don't feel you've bonded with your baby you might have post natal depression.

I’m no expert but I would think at 16 months he would struggle to learn how to latch if he hasn’t been doing it since he was a baby.

If it helps how you’re feeling breastfeeding a toddler isn’t really the same cosy bonding experience as breastfeeding a newborn. A lot of the time their latch slips, they want to stand up / wiggle about, they want to twiddle your other nipple which feels awful, they bring toys up with them, it can be quite uncomfortable at times! I say this as someone currently feeding a toddler.

It’s a useful and convenient comfort tool but it’s not exactly plain sailing compared to when they’re little.

Amy Brown has a book about breastfeeding grief that you might find helpful to read? Sorry you’re struggling with this.

Sorry it would be really weird to start now - at 16 months they don't need any nutrition from Breastfeeding and would be all about you and nothing about what your child needs

Do you think you might have more children?

I think you know at 16 months it biologically/physically won't work. I couldn't breastfeed either of mine and don't give it a moments thought. They are the most healthy and intelligent little girls. The pressure to breastfeed makes me absolutely livid and I'd love to campaign about this. If mothers 'fail', it can ruin bonding and cause so much stress. I had random strangers in the street asking me how I fed my babies, it is so unacceptable. Anyway rant over. This is a non-issue OP. Enjoy being an amazing mummy.

Honestly, the things people say about breastfeeding helping bonding is nonsense. I breastfed mine til he was 3 years old! We are absolutely no more bonded than the other mums and children around us who didn't breastfed. It honestly makes no difference to bonding

You don't need breastfeeding to bond, 16 months is too late to start anyway.

At 16 months its beyond too late to start. Surprised this is even a question tbh...

What makes you think it would be physically possible now? Even if you regret the choice you made at the time, it was the choice you made and it will not be possible to reverse. Just like many decisions we make in life. Move on and increase your bond with your child in a different way.

@SamanthaVimes thank you for your words & recommendation
@Scottishgirl85 @iknowthismuchis thank you for your reassurance and kindness

I am aware it would be difficult and weird now but perhaps that's where the others aren't really understanding how I feel.

I'm not sure if I want more children and though it might not be as bonding as people say and I never judge anyone as long as their baby is fed and cared for, it was a process that I personally should've thought more about but due to being overwhelmed and I just didn't.

I only asked as I was reading through google and it said it's never too late to start.

I appreciate the thoughts and opinions expressed here - this is why I asked to begin with :)

Sorry you're feeling this way. I agree with others though it is probably too late to start and you're toddler is unlikely to latch and give you that breastfeeding bond you crave. Talk it through with someone or get professional help but do seek ways to move on.

Do you mean 16 weeks? A toddler isn't going to suddenly start breastfeeding.

I didn’t breastfeed my first - it didn’t work out. With my second it was easier and Breastfeed for 10 months.

My bond is equal to both and I don’t have guilt that I didn’t try harder with my first. I did what was best for each child and both have turned out ok!

Don’t hold the guilt move on and if needed seek counselling to help.

I’m sure I've read somewhere that women bodies can relactate and produce milk for quite some time after birth but I imagine it would be quite difficult to do. Generally, a milk supply is built up based on the demand from the baby feeding frequently, a 16 month wouldn't have that same demand to feed frequently to get the supply up I wouldn't think. Also, I think latching would be an issue. It takes a lot of time and patience to get a good latch and I just can't imagine a 16 month old would persevere with it enough, especially if there is little to no milk there to motivate them.

I've breastfed both of mine (still going with my youngest). It is a lovely experience, but I have friends who didn’t breastfeed and I wouldn't for a second say they have any less of a bond with their children than I do. I know it must be hard feeling regret, but I think trying to breastfeed at this late stage (and likely failing or at least finding it very difficult) could cause you further regret because it's time you could have spent just enjoying your baby without the stress of trying to make it happen.

Well, of course it can be too late to start at a certain point though. I'm not sure your body can be induced to lactate just any time we fancy it.

Actually even surrogate mums can lactate.

So it is possible OP. If you want more advice and practical support I'd ring your health visitor tomorrow.

Really? Does that involve medication then?

I stand corrected, but would also suggest that medicating yourself to bond better with your baby is something to consider; perhaps PND issues?

It's amazing isn't it.

It does require the baby to suckle and the hormones of staring at the baby and the suckle create the milk supply. I think some mums pump in anticipation of a baby arriving through adoption.

Starting now would just be odd. Very odd.

I breast fed both of mine. The NCT put the fear of god into me, so I did as I was told for fear I’d damage them if I didn't!

I don’t feel breastfeeding bonded me with them better. It might even have had the opposite effect. Honestly, I often felt resentful that they could have such a hold over me. Yes. I know! How maternal!

Both are at uni now. I don’t think either knows if or for how long they were breast fed and if did, I can’t imagine would have feelings one way or another.

Both had typical childhood illnesses, stomach upsets, one had severe eczema but grew out of it by 7.

As soon as they had more control over their diets, they ate any junk they could get their hands on. One was vegan for a while, both drink alcohol.

I think the pressure to breast feed is more damaging to people than not being breast fed.