Is this a fair reason for un-equal share of responsibilities?

[RHarrison234]

When it comes to our kids and household responsibilities I do the majority. My husband acknowledges and admits this - but he says it's because I get my energy from 'doing' and 'socialising', claiming I'm an extrovert, and he gets his energy from doing more chilled things (watching TV, playing video games, naps), claiming he's an introvert. It means he frequently disappears instead of spending time with us as a family or looking after the kids himself. Is this a fair conclusion or just an excuse to cop out of helping?

No sounds like a good excuse for you to go out on the lash with your mates though.

Seriously?

He’s just lazy

He's (a) idle, and (b) taking the piss

He 'gets his energy' from watching TV, playing video games and naps? Seriously? This has nothing to do with being extrovert or introverted. If it did, his introverted self would be locking himself away with the laundry and ironing to 'chill' with.

It is the most pathetic non-excuse I have ever heard for being a lazy entitled arse, and I would be handing him a loooong list of stuff that he could be getting on with on his own, since he's such an introvert. Sheesh!

What an arsehole! I hope you’re not being taken in by that utter load of bullshit.

No, it's just a cop-out.

Your husband needs to practice spending time with his dcs. He'll get better at it and fitter. Instead of being a lazy arse.

he gets his energy from doing more chilled things

Yeah, right.

Oh dear, @RHarrison234 I hope this is early in your relationship and you don't already have DC.

He's a twat

Cop out.

He can do paying bills, dealing with kids activities etc. also housework, laundry, cooking.
If he does a demanding job (or health problems) and you agree as a couple that it is best for him to do this - then maybe he can have less home duties.

Apologies OP, I should have read more carefully and seem that you already have children.

Since tossing him overboard isn't such an obvious solution, I would suggest that there are loads of household tasks much more suitable for an introvert including cleaning the house, garden and any cars. Sorting laundry, running washing machine, taking out and hanging up. Meal planning, food shopping and cooking. Clearing up afterwards (while the others leave him to it).

In fact, everything but interacting with the family would be his job to do. You could as a family decide what you enjoy eating, likes and dislikes and then leave him to it.

It would be fair for you both to have equal relaxation time. Bear in mind that interacting with the family is your task, so that an evening chatting with them is still you on duty when you are working out your relaxation time.

If he doesn't twig how unreasonable he is being, well, I really don't know what I would do.

He is being very unreasonable.

you should both have an equal amount of leisure time. so write down the household duties / work time / sleep time etc. And divide things up so that if he gets 3 hours to chill in front of TV, you get 3 hours to do whatever you like - out of the house & away from the kids if you want.

He is seriously unreasonable (obvs).

One thing he can do though is do all the washing up after dinner, clean the kitchen and tidy away all the toys, while you're settling DC for bed. My dh does this and I think he finds it peaceful (relatively speaking) with his headphones on because the rest of us are upstairs. Not sure if this works with multiple DC

And anyway, I'm as extroverted as they come and I love video games and naps. It's not correlated at all. He's got no idea what he's talking about

If only there was a like button on mumsnet!

yup you made me laugh out loud with that bs....please don't believe this.
he can be introverted with the washing machine, zen to the tumble dryer, or chill by hanging it out on the line.

This is a huge cop out, OP.

Both me and my DH are introverts, and stray towards the gaming/tv things in our free time. But when it comes to the household and doing things for our DD, it's not about us, it's about what needs to be done and what's best for her.

We both push ourselves into social situations that we perhaps wouldn't by choice normally for her benefit and because she's an extremely social toddler.

I actually expressed a concern to one of my friends the other week that I was worried about when DD gets to an age where she needs me to manage her social calendar and that I wouldn't be up to the task, but I'll give it my best shot because that's the fair thing to do. I know my DH will do the same.

I could understand if your DH spent all day with you both doing things and then claimed to need 30 minutes to himself to recharge. That would be reasonable (as long as you get the same courtesy of course) but to use it as an excuse to do nothing is shameful. Especially when so many household tasks can be done alone.

He's a selfish dick.

I can't even imagine a responsible grown up feeding anyone with half a brain that explanation for why they should do more of the shared responsibilities.

Honestly.