Toddler doesn't want duvet/pillow

[Mamabear04]

My toddler (2.5yo) has shown great interest in wanting a duvet/pillow for around 6 months now. She loves to play in my bed and pretends to go to sleep, puts her toys to sleep, puts me to "sleep" etc and I suggested maybe she might want to make the change from a sleeping bag to a duvet/pillow for her bed and she seemed very excited and keen. I bought the duvet/pillow, showed her how she should sleep ie not get in and out like when she plays in my bed and she went to bed fine, didn't get in and out but called me back after about 15 minutes and said she wanted her sleeping bag. I said that's completely fine but suggested she keep the pillow to start which she seemed happy about. She then called me back after another 5 minutes and said the pillow was too hot and didn't want it. I've asked her a couple of times if she wants to try it again, mainly for her nap so it's less pressure but she said no. She still sleeps in a cot bed with the sides up because she has never tried to climb out and also she moves about so much in her sleep I've always been worried she would fall out her bed. She is also the kind of toddler who winds up instead of down when she is tired so having the sides up just means she doesnt have the temptations to get out and play with her toys. She is an excellent sleeper so I don't mind so much about making changes but she is growing so fast and quite tall that she will soon be too big for the infant sleeping bags and she will have to sleep with a duvet/pillow. Does anyone have any advice as to how to help her to transition? I thought either putting the duvet/pillow away completely for a few weeks and not speak about it and then try again in the future or leave it it out and let her get used to it, maybe play with it a little? I'm a bit hesitant to go with the second option as we're quite strict with sleep etiquette ie no toys are allowed in the bed apart from her comforter and she is not allowed to play in her bed, it's only for sleeping. We also have a baby due in 2 months so I'm aware big changes aren't a good idea 3 months before and after something like this. Any thoughts?

We had the same trouble here with the duvet. We had some muslin sleeping bags from jojomamanbebe (they're amazing for peak summer) and put her in one of those with a very light duvet on top, so she still had the 'secure' feeling of the bag around her legs (think she felt odd having her legs out and that's why she wanted the sleeping bag back) but wouldn't overheat. In time she grew to love the duvet and then was much less bothered when we eventually removed the bag - might be worth a go?

@Jennyz123 it's good to know my LO isn't the only one who is nervous to make the change! Just googled the muslin sleeping bags - is it the 1 tog? I have a 1
5 tog sleeping bag in the cupboard I've never used as the neck is just so big and although DD is tall she is also quite slim. The duvet we got her is 4 tog. Do you think that would be too hot now the weather is starting to warm up? She's only ever slept in a 2.5 tog bag.

My dd has a duvet and pillow but never uses them, though I snuggle under her duvet if I'm lying next to her to help her sleep. She hates sleeping bags too.

We just use warm pyjamas, problem solved. Long sleeve vest, then a tracksuit top and bottom set on top

I had thought they were 0.5 tog but just googled and you're right they are listed as 'approximately 1 tog.' I do think they're worth it (although they are pricey), the muslin ones are just much more breathable than the usual fabric as the weather gets warmer but you could try her with a 1.5 and see, as the nights are still not too warm (she may object if it's too warm with the duvet or you could check she's not sweaty in a bit). We had a 4 tog duvet as well - transition is always a struggle here so I figure change as few things as possible at once! If she likes the feeling of the bag why not let her keep it while she gets used to the duvet, might help! Just a thought - might not work for your little one and I remember feeling nervous about it but it worked for us.

We had this issue with DS when we put him in a toddler bed. He refused to sleep if he wasn't in a sleepbag. We made the bed with the duvet and pillow, and he had a sleepbag that he used on top of the made bed. After a few weeks, we put his sleepbags in the wash all at once (he helped, so knew they were wet) and he slept under the duvet that night. Sometimes he asks about his sleepbags, but we just remind him that he doesn't need them anymore because he's a big boy now.

Appreciate that it's not always that easy though!

Thanks @Jennyz123 and @MooseBreath will definitely have a think about these and what to do. They are both great ideas!

@Moomeh any recommendations for warm pjs?

Don't rush to transition if she's happy as she is you have a couple more years!!

DN was nearly 4 when she gave up her cot. Sleeping bags do corne in much larger sizes so keep an eye on eBay.

Don’t rush her! DD just went into her big girl bed with duvet tonight and she’s 3 – we waited until she was really truly ready and told us she wanted to do it. I think put the pillow and duvet away and let her know they’re there when she’s ready.

They've sold out of dd's ones at Next but it's something a bit like this:

I'm thinking of buying this from Next - fhwt.app.link/M7vzc5KqGpb

Dd's ones are quilted but fairly similar idea to the link above. It comes in up to 2y that one, so too small for your dc but you get the idea.

We don't buy clothes labelled "pyjamas" because they just don't come warm enough for dd (as she won't use duvet etc). So we search for clothes labelled "sweatshirt set" or "tracksuit set" and pick the softest we can find, and get it oversized. She is so snuggly and comfortable in them. And if she wakes up in the night to romp over to our bed, she doesn't get cold on the way

I wouldn't worry about the pillow. DS is 3.5 and has a pillow on his bed but doesn't actually use it! In terms of the duvet, I'd be tempted to wait until it is hotter and remove the sleeping bag. Then it won't matter if she doesn't use the duvet. You can also try turning the duvet round 90 degrees and tucking it under the mattress to keep it in place.

Don't worry about the tog rating. Sleeping bags have a lower tog because they are more enclosed. A duvet of 4.5 will probably be fairly comparable.

@stuntbubbles what did you dress your DC in for sleep?

@RandomMess do you have any ebay recommendations? I bought a sleeping bag before but the neck/arms were just too big for DD being slim

@BendingSpoons I really don't think it's so much the duvet as is just she likes the comfort of the sleeping bag as it's all she's ever known. I'm just worried she grows too big for them!

@Moomeh thank you! Do you put thick socks on too?

Whatever she wants that night! Sometimes pyjamas, sometimes shorts and a T-shirt, sometimes just a nappy – at her request – but always always socks, also at her request. She’s gone to sleep tonight in a baby gro-style pyjama and socks, with one leg kicked out of the duvet which is what she used to do with the pram blanket when little, and what the sleeping bag used to prevent her doing, so she seems pretty happy.

Slumbersac do sleeping bags with legs for all ages (even adults). DD3 calls them her walking duvet

Came here to suggest this!

No socks for our dd unless the room temp is below 17C ish. (These days it's around 18.5 in the bedroom at night at ours, we still have a room thermometer). But she is wearing a long sleeve bodyvest under the sweatshirt and joggers so she's really toasty. She's always got warm hands and feet.

When it gets a bit warmer we go for a short sleeve vest underneath instead of a long sleeve, or even lose the sweatshirt if it's really hot (that feels like ages away still!)

I do think sleepwear is such a complicated science isn't it! You don't want them to be too hot or too cold!

Also for my dd in particular, she makes it really obvious by sleeping like a starfish if she's comfortable, or sort of curling into a hedgehog ball if she's too cold, so I can tell and pop some socks on if too cold. She's really rarely too cold tho

Why can’t she sleep inside the single duvet cover ? Is it because you are worried she will be cold ?