Teens & Alcohol

[SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows]

DD13 often tells me that she’s got drunk, vaped etc & that they are some of her coping methods ( she has a lot of issues with her mental health). DH & I try really hard not to tell her off/ judge whilst letting her know that of course we are concerned - basically trying to keep the lines of communication open. The fact that she talks about it quite a lot makes me suspect she’s not actually doing it as often as she says. Anyway, today she asked me to buy her some WKD which is about 4% I think. I let her have a little wine the other day. Really not sure how to handle this. If I don’t buy it for her, she will get if from older friends etc. It’s extra tricky because I have a drinking problem & am due to go to AA soon. Any advice very welcome.

Whete does she get drunk and where does she get money to buy alcohol/vapes?

I wouldn't be enabling her and wouldn't buy the alcohol tbh

Where is she going to access these things? This could very easily lead to alcohol dependency and while you do not need to shout or judge I do think you need to parent. That behaviour needs to stop

Honestly I would not be encouraging her to drink in any way in your shoes. She may get it elsewhere but if she is coming to you to say she is drinking it is likely she wants you to be the parent and stop her not buy it for her. Does she get help for her MH? If you have alcohol issues she is likely to be more susceptible herself and she sees you using alcohol to cope so maybe thinks its the best way to deal with things. You buying it for her instead of older friends changes nothing except she will see you think it is ok for her to drink to deal with her problems.

I'd be mostly concerned that she openly says that she sees alcohol as a way of coping. It sounds to me like she's asking for help, I wouldn't be buying her any alcohol.

I'm not being unkind asking this, but do you think this may be connected to your alcohol issues? If so, maybe attending Al-Anon will be helpful for her? All the best at AA - I've been and it helped change my life

It is tricky being a parent. I would let both my sons have one or 2 drinks like WKD when they were your DD age. I think if I didn't normalise it and let then have 1 or 2 they would be more likely to do it behind my back, they always had it in the house. They are now 19 and 17 and have never been out drinking behind my back or came home in a drunken state, think the important thing is educating them.

I would be concerned if I was you that she is out drinking, vaping etc as where is she getting these things from. I would be terrified of a girl that young out under the influence.

Would she agree to have one or two drinks at home on a special occasion or a Saturday night and not out with friends?

She is too young and you are not helping her by facilitating this. It's very concerning that she sees it as a coping mechanism at that age.

I think the best thing you can do is to show her that you're seeking help with your own drinking issues, and to ensure that she gets proper help with her mental health.

Alexashutup DD has a pending appointment with CAHMS. The trouble is, she will find a way to get hold of drink eg she goes to a youth club where there are some much older kids & she says a local boy can get her & her friends anything they want.

DD tells me her friends’ parents buy them drink but I have no idea if that’s true. As I said, I gave her a small glass of my wine to try & have talked to her about limits etc. She knows I am seeking help for my drinking.

I would be contacting those parents immediately to confirm