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Parenting

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Solo parent and crappy at it.. I think

11 replies

goforit99 · 29/04/2022 21:53

I’m a solo, not out of choice but I needed to leave the relationship and take my then 13 month old with me. After a year or so of going back and forth with court, my two year old and I have settled into our new home and the relationship with her dad is getting better (for her sake rather than I have fully forgiven him), the issue I have is that I feel so overwhelmed as a solo parent, I don’t have any friends or family close by to help and my little one is going through a super tantrummy phase and nothing I do is good enough. Breakfast? Nope, on the floor, change of nappy? Nope, let me scream the whole house down and kick everything. I sometimes go into the bathroom to cry because I feel so overwhelmed at the constant whining and screaming. I don’t believe I am a bad mum and in spite of everything I have been through since I left her dad, I got up and chose a path that would benefit my daughter and I (currently a full-time law student via distant learning and I work part-time as an advocate for dv victims). Her dad during our court order mentioned he wants to have her two days a week but has since then (court ordered signed in Jan) only takes her once a week as he doesn’t get many days off. Can I ask him to take her for two days a week? I am worried he will say he can’t because of work but if this is what you asked for in the court order then it shouldn’t be an issue. I hate having to wait for the one day a week he has her to have a “day off”, not really a day off as I do the house work, study or do some shopping. I’m just tired, really tired and need an effing break! I don’t earn a lot to put her into nursery and I have chosen my degree above work for the time being. I just feel like I am at the mercy of that one day a week he has her and sometimes he can’t have her because he has other commitments but I want this to be a permanent thing for us, for her and for their relationship as father and daughter.sorry for blabbing, so much going on above.
i thank you for your answers in advance.

xx

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 29/04/2022 22:02

Bless you. I'm not surprised you're climbing the walls. You are doing so well sticking with Uni though, it'll be worth it Flowers.
You can't force him to see his DD unfortunately. Neither can the court.

PumpkinsandKittens · 29/04/2022 22:06

No you can force him to have her anymore than he wants to even with a court order he doesn’t HAVE to have her it just means YOU need to make her available for those days. One day a week isn’t too bad loads do much less my ex hasn’t seen our 4 kids since jan 2021!

goforit99 · 29/04/2022 22:10

just to add, I’m not saying I want to force him to have her! The main objective of the post is that I feel crappy and tired sprinkled with a bit of the request he made in court which is in the court order, that he will want to have her for two days a week.

moral support would be great. Thanks

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goforit99 · 29/04/2022 22:12

@PumpkinsandKittens i wasn’t intended to force him, it was more of a moan! he’s a good dad, I’m just not confident in starting the subject with him.

OP posts:
ijustcouldntthinkofausername · 29/04/2022 22:20

Hats off to you working and studying for a degree. I am doing this currently working full time and studying part time for a degree with a 13 month old (admittedly I am not a single parent although DH is not very hands on) however I couldn't imagine doing it solo so well bloody done you! You should be so proud of yourself xxx

ijustcouldntthinkofausername · 29/04/2022 22:21

Stay positive it will work out in the end and your LO will grow up to a fantastic kick ass role model of a mom 😘❤️

Neveranynamesleft · 29/04/2022 22:21

💐
You are not crappy.
Give yourself some credit for studying and working and supporting your child and yourself.
Things change, it won't always be like this. Think to the future, who knows what's around the corner for you.

goforit99 · 29/04/2022 22:26

@ijustcouldntthinkofausername thank you! And we’ll done to you for doing a degree, working and looking after a baby, even if you have minimal help, it is still very hard, especially with your little one being that small. Xx

OP posts:
goforit99 · 29/04/2022 22:27

@Neveranynamesleft thank you for your kind words, even though it’s sometimes hard to see the bigger picture when everything is happening at once, I try to look at the future with big, wide positive eyes and imagine my daughter and I in such a blissful happy state xx

OP posts:
Louise0701 · 30/04/2022 07:27

If you’re working part time and a single parent OP, are you eligible for the 15 funded hours at 2 years old? It would be worth checking as then your DD could go to nursery say 5 mornings / afternoons a week which would be good for both of you.

you sound like you’re doing great!

TalkToTheHand123 · 30/04/2022 10:02

Hope things work out *sending hugs.

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