Sad & confused re: breastfeeding

[sjxoxo]

I have just had first baby, about 16 weeks ago; started breastfeeding and we did the first month ebf, using nipple shields which were given out in the maternity and also I was given some by my MIL when pregnant. I, very naively, just started using them and carried on. I knew nothing about their downsides and no advice was given… my MIL is a lactation expert aswell.

At 4 weeks I was told he wasn’t gaining much weight and to add formula top ups- I did. At this time we also had the most horrendous thrush which literally hurt me so so much it was as bad as a contraction no joke. I was so depressed over this weekend that I had to add bottle feeds and just felt so so stressed that he had maybe been hungry 😞 at this time I had my DH here but no other family really or mum here to help.

So he has been combi fed and growing well ,until, fast forward to 3 weeks ago (baby boy about 12.2 weeks) he just starts refusing to breastfeed. Cries, looks away, goes stiff… just will not latch. I can then usually offer bottle and he will take it willingly.

i have seen two lactation consultant’s neither of whom have helped and have no real advice other than “it’s just what he wants at the moment.” I have been pumping to keep supply, and he is still breast feeding although very briefly in the morning first thing for 5-10 mins, and most nights before bed. Tonight I’ve just put him down after no feed as he was just refusing it completely. My MIL is telling me to start weaning with baby cereal etc as he’s ‘clearly not satisfied’ and ‘your milk will probably dry up soon on its own’. She thinks I’m absolutely wasting my time pumping and he is telling me he’s had enough by his behaviour. He is a very big baby, over the 100th centile length & 97th for weight, so this is not really a concerned about his weight post.

Does anyone have ANY advice or success stories of babies who go on a (semi/almost complete) nursing strike for this long?? It’s been over 2 weeks now and it’s killing me- physically from the pumping, and mentally…

I know of course he’s only a bub but I feel so so sad he doesn’t want my means of feeding him. On a side note to this, I feel so let down… I feel let down by my mum who hasn’t been here to support me, let down by my MIL who I feel led me up the garden path with nipple shields in the first place, and stressed by the input she is now having and her comments. I’m struggling through but feel so alone in this situation. My DH is supportive but working so the feeding etc is really for me to grapple with. I don’t want it to be the end of breastfeeding for us but I just don’t know what to do. I’ve followed all the advice and online resources but he just constantly refuses me.

thanks for reading xox

At that age DD had a nursing strike and would only feed a total of 5 minutes so I had to keep offering every 45 minutes for like 3/4 weeks. It was horrible but we got through it with constant feeding.

Although I've no advice to offer about combo feeding? I'm not sure of the best course to tackle a strike but hopefully you get some good advice on here

I'd be inclined to say not but keep an eye - DD was genuinely inconsolable about one minute into a feed and there was obviously something wrong, she seemed in pain. Could you try upright feeding where he's sat on your lap? They're a bit more in control then which helps. Maybe gradually increase the amount of times you're breastfeeding over a number of days and that will help to increase your supply. Have you seen the boobs are factories, not warehouses analogy? The more you do it the more you produce!

www.healthline.com/health/breastfeeding/nursing-strike-2 this echoes a lot of the good advice you've had from PPs

My son had a bottle preference having been tube fed / bottle fed in hospital.

My midwife told me to only focus on feeding ( no house work!), go cold turkey on formula, cuddle and feed feed feed, offering breast all the time. Plus skin to skin, feeding lying down and feeding in the bath.

Although anxious, it worked and he was EBF, with good weight gain thereafter.

Having said that, formula feeding is totally fine too.

Oh and your supply will increase. My midwife used to say that night feeding was putting an order in to the milkman for the next day. 😂😂

Hello all, just thought I’d post an update - thanks for all your advice. Despite my best efforts he still won’t come back round to breastfeeding. I’ve offered and offered, this last week I’ve bf him morning, once early afternoon and then before bed but even those he resists. The one before bed was the ‘easiest’ with the least resistance but last night he refused and genuinely just seemed to want to go to bed without! He’s literally just not interested and makes a huge fuss if I even offer. I’m so fed up of it and having to constantly fight to bf! I feel like it’s been a totally wasted effort and so rejected. I’ve got an appointment with a specialist at my maternity unit in about 10 days time but to be honest I expect by then we’ll have packed it in completely. I’ve searched and searched and not found reference to one single example of the same scenario where a 3 month old just gives no f*s about boob for over 4 weeks. I feel like my boobs are destroyed for no reason aswell it’s so disheartening. Thanks for your words of advice, I guess he just doesn’t like it for reasons I will never know!! Xx

I'm combi feeding my 4mo currently and he went through a phase of refusing boob unless it was middle of night feed. He would literally just scream and pull off after 2 sucks and go rigid and it wasn't wind etc. So what I found worked for the feeds he was doing this on was going back to basics with the.bottle feeding eg pace feeding, sitting him upright on my knee to feed, bottle at 180 angle for as much of the feed as possible, doing nose to teat to get him on bottle etc. And then at the feeds he usually boobed but was fussy now with I would offer a bottle first, around 3-4oz and then boob. I found he was more willing to take boob once he was already satisfied with some formula. He grew out of this phase after 2 weeks or so. I also have found he generally doesn't like feeding on right boob in cross cradle position so I now feed him in what I think is rugby hold? He's tucked under my right arm and comes onto the boob from the outside of my body- so he's in a similar angle as he is when feeding on left boob in cradle hold. This has really improved things for us.

I really recommend you follow Olivia Hinge on insta- she has videos and unfo on combi feeding and shields and Kathryn stagg too. I know Kathryn offers different support packages that seem well priced and affordable as well as having lots of helpful videos and info on her account. Good luck- you're doing amazingly and Olivia Hinge always says the research shows as little as 50ml breast milk a day is still really beneficial to our babies!

Olivia hinge also recommends this book

www.amazon.co.uk/Mixed-Up-Combination-Feeding-Necessity/dp/1946665487/ref=asc_df_1946665487/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=500806356660&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12975538487287635550&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045862&hvtargid=pla-1234971416343&psc=1&th=1&psc=1&ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=cfeff306-7545-441a-8156-74738361452b

At 4.5months my baby started refusing boob, not putting on weight - they had a cows milk protein allergy. I cut out dairy and baby was happy again within a few weeks. Other signs - being quite unsettled, eczema, hiccups.

@sjxoxo I just had to Google what nipple shields were, I breastfed my daughter. Ok 17 years ago but never heard of them and no one at our group used them. There is an amazing tea which helps with supply I’ll find a link of interested, @Moomeh advice to lie on your side and fed that way is really useful and helped me loads with latching. At the end of the day though yours and your babies happiness is what really matters here. You need to do what is best for both of you.

Dear op, hope you're coming to terms with it and shedding any guilt. I was in the same position, I feel like nipple shields showed my little boy how easy sucking can be and he rejected the boob forever. It was awful but once I got my head round formula I never looked back. I feel like we've been sold a lie of how natural breastfeeding is, how all you need is to do endless skin to skin and they will latch. Not all babies! I tried for so so long, pumped but that wasn't working very well either. I switched to formula at 11 weeks hrs turning 6 months on Wednesday and absolutely thriving. Please give yourself some grace- you tried hard and your best. Your baby will be fine however it's fed. And don't let anyone judge you, they have not seen us crying with the babies- it's so awful when you just can't do it. Onwards and upwards.

Well done for working so hard, @sjxoxo it doesn’t sound like it’s been easy.

Whereabouts are you? We’ve been working with an amazing lactation consultant, if you’re around Derbyshire?

There are definitely ways to increase your supply, under guidance. Also, we have been feeding expressed milk in feeding cups, to avoid bottles and teats altogether. The baby basically laps the milk up like a little animal.

They are called Nifty feeding cups and are suitable for all ages, from newborn.

Op I am going to say that if you do move to formula, that is absolutely OK. You've given breast milk in one way or another for many weeks and your baby has had all that goodness. In a few short months you'll be weaning. Honestly it'll be fine. You have not failed.