Anxious about my son starting school and seeming so immature…

[PaddlingLikeADuck]

I have a son who will be 5 in August and will start school ten days after his 5th birthday.

For a good amount of time now, maybe a year, maybe a bit longer, me and DH have always thought something was just a little bit off with his behaviours but we can’t put our fingers on why.

Sometimes he so hyperactive, running around the house like a crazy boy, really hot and sweaty but just keeps going whilst laughing his head off - doing nothing but running from one end of the room to another.

Also, if he sees a pair of mine or DH’s shoes in the house he has to put them on and start walking around the house in them. He randomly appears all the time in front of us wearing a pair of our shoes. It’s like it’s an impulsion to do it. The same with hats. He can’t just leave them where he sees them, he has to put them on.

He is a very picky eater and frequently gags on food. His childminder has also noticed this and is concerned about how picky he can be, how reluctant he is to try new things and sometimes would rather go without food than eat what he’s given. He’s small in stature and I do worry it’s because of how hard it is to get him to eat sometimes.

The other day I found him standing in front of a full length mirror, laughing his head off as he erratically danced in front of it. He’d occasionally stop to press his nose against the mirror and pull funny faces but then would revert to dancing and just be staring at himself whilst laughing. This can last for several minutes.

I don’t know…..some of his behaviour just seems so young and immature?

But on the other hand, his speech is great, he can do simple sums, he loves reading with me, he loves doing puzzles and arts and crafts and socialises well with others. And he’s so, so loving, empathetic and caring.

I feel very anxious about whether his behaviours and traits are within NT boundaries, or whether there’s something else going on?

I’m interested to see how he will manage at school when he starts this year, but I’m also concerned that his differences are going to seem even more apparent.

I don’t know - has anyone else ever just had a sense that something isn’t right?

Don't have any solid answers for you but I certainly don't think his behaviour is unusual for his age. It sounds like he's enjoying being a child and actually, he sounds bloody awesome.

I'm no expert but I see many of my friends boys who behave like that just generally being silly and doing things that seem odd doing random dance moves or trying to do cartwheels in inappropriate places and constantly bouncing off things.

He sounds fun. Gagging is the only slightly worrying part. Being 5 in August, will be in a class of 4, or 5 year olds?

Don't they usually start the September after their fourth birthday, not fifth? Maybe you're not in England?

My DC is an August baby and just turned 4 when he started school. He had a lot of the traits you've described. It could be that your DS is ND, or it maybe that he's just being a small child!

Does he go to nursery or pre school, and if so have they expressed any concerns?

He will be starting Reception this year just after his 5th birthday.

I am in England and he ‘should’ have started last year but we deferred his start as he was a Summer born and we didn’t want him going just a week after turning 4.

Sol he will be in a class of children aged 4-5 depending on when their birthdays are.

I feel reassured by all your posts.

He goes to a childminder 3 days a week and has been going since he was just over a year old. She hasn’t expressed any concerns so maybe I’m just overreacting to what is perfectly normal behaviour.

My first son was never like this and it’s hard not to compare….

I'm 40 and sometimes I put my husband's big shoes on and clomp round. It's funny.

I think there's a big range of behaviour in 4/5yo and I'm sure he'll be fine.

He'll be absolutely fine than. Even if he is immature for his age, you made that decision last year and now he'll be the oldest, so not the most immature in his class. You've just delayed the inevitable, not that that's a bad thing. We start school too early in England but reception is very play based. I have a three year old starting reception in September. (She'll be 4 in June.) At a playground she was playing with a 4 year old then started running in circles shaking her head and the 4 year old asked me. What is she doing? Haha. I thought nothing of it.

There will be another four children in the cohort (75 children in total) who have had their start deferred and they will turn 5 even before my son does.

A few parents from the full cohort (via a FB group we are all in) have started to arrange meet-ups so the children can meet each other before school starts so that will be nice. It would probably reassure me if my son’s behaviour was very in keeping with the children who are already 5, or those who will turn 5 within the first few months after starting I.e the Sept/Oct/Nov/Dec born children.

My son has always been with a childminder so he has never been in a setting with lots of other children his own age as he’s typically been one of the oldest at the childminder’s house. Perhaps being more social with peers his own age may also cause a change in his behaviours.

Did you never send him to pre-school?

He will be fine. He will be one of the oldest and will follow the behaviours in the classroom

Did you never send him to pre-school?

No. Because of my job I needed childcare with lots of flexibility as I worked different days each week, and my shifts patterns would also change at very short notice, and pre-schools can’t accommodate for that. They all said my son would have to have set days which just wasn’t an option. I also needed childcare from 7am, which again, most pre-schools don’t provide.

Try not to compare him to others. Go to the meet ups so he can get to know his classmates. He'll be fine. Preschool is not essential.

I echo what others have said. He sounds like a fun little chap. Please do talk to the teacher about your concerns. Children will often try and eat different things at school when they are in the dining hall with all their friends. You may find he isn't such a fussy eater there. I'm sure you can provide packed lunches though if you are concerned.