What advice would you give?

[Throwaaway]

I have two children and I am so thankful for the close family that we have. My mother in law is an amazing grandmother just as she was/is an amazing mum.

We get on so well. Since the day I had our eldest she has treated my like a daughter.

As my children have grown up going to their grandparents once a week is an exciting thing for my kids they life going to both my mum and my mother in laws.

I have noticed something over the past few months and now I have noticed it, it is really starting to bug me and I don’t know how to approach it.

My mother in law is a feeder. She grew up poor and had minimal food and struggled a lot with food and money when bringing up my husband.

When it comes to food, my mother in law is a yes man. If they kids ask for something she gives it to them. I understand spoiling your grandchildren is one of the perks.

I have noticed that if I say to the kids no more food, and then 10 minutes later the kids ask her for something she will give it to them. Despite what I said before.

I want to highlight here that my mother in law is an amazing person and I don’t think it’s necessarily being done a middle finger to me because any other situation she will follow through.

I don’t know if it’s me being overly sensitive or if it’s something I need to address. I hate confrontation and I worried if I address it in the wrong way, it will affect the relationship we have.

Would you wait until they came in with something and them tell them to take it back into the kitchen because I have said no? Should I get my husband to have a word with her or speak up.

Do you have any advice?

I would pick my battles to be honest

But if you were to do something surely the issue is you have said no to your children (how old are they) and they then overrule you and ask your MIL - shouldnt you figure out how to solve it with your children rather than your MIL

Personally I would let it go, your DC are only seeing their DGM once a week so realistically how much food is she giving them? If you are with them why don't you address it in a different way ie; suggest a trip to the park or something... or are you all just sitting around 'being fed' . Or take it up with your DC directly ie: 'how kind of DGM to give you a chocolate bar, let's take it home to enjoy later'.

We had this with my my mil; her love language is food and unfortunately the kids know that if they refuse food she will make them several different alternatives and it’s a way of playing her up to get attention too as it stresses her if they don’t eat.
When I’m there i gently intervene and will say nicely but firmly that they have been told they can’t have the requested food or say for her not to make alternatives and if she tries to continue I’m a bit firmer. DH has also on a few occasions had to have a word with her about the food she brings and she now brings fruit rather than sweets as it’s almost impossible to stop her bringing anything.
I accept that when she looks after them without me there she will make several different dishes etc