Okay playdates how often and who

[zez]

Hiya

Would like some insight on how other moms arrrange their dc playdates after school.

My ds has my head in a spin atm with playdates after school he is wanting somebody back all of the time lately.

I don't have a problem with him having a friend home once a week after school but I think my ds is starting to work his way thorugh the whole class.

I tbh only feel comfortable going up to moms who I may speak to occasionly or most of the time and arranging playdates after school for my ds. This is probably because I am extremely shy and only speak to a couple of moms at the school.

My son however is quite sociable at school and would like to invite everybody even children who in my opinion are not his best mates I honestly don't have a problem with my son having whoever he pleases. But I am quite a shy person and I honestly don't find it easy going up to those moms I hardly if ever have anything to do with and arranging playdates.

I feel also that I am the only one on the playground doing this as I don't see many other parents having children back at thiers.

There is also a lack of invites back for my son to go to anyone elses house, which I think is a shame for my ds although he enjoys having his friends back its a completely different adventure for him going to someone elses.

Do you all tend to stick to just a few certain ones on playdates having the same ones alternatively.

Just wondering what others opinions are on this.

Sorry if I sound ridiculous.

How old is he?
My ds is nearly 6 and tends to have about 5 friends we do on a sort of rota (generally one or two a week) At the start of the term it did get a bit stupid as he had 10 invites in a week.

Must admit I never did the original asking (am shy too) but once he started on one it sort of snowballed and now he has a much better social life than me

Oh and i'd never turn an invite down, depends on the child if they're easy IYKWIM they tend to be on a two week rota, the more labour intensive ones he tends to see once a month

sorry me again.. best way i find if you're shy is to prime your dc to ask his friend in front of the mum/dad, that way you can smile and say "would that be ok?"

5yo DD has her best friend to come and play after school every Friday. Her parents and younger sister come over after work/nursery and often eat with us. Mutially convenient arrangement and the two girls love it.

She will then have about 1 play date a week with school friends - either at our house or at a friend's house. We do tend to have the same ones back TBH.

Hi
yaddayah

My ds has just turned 7 he is an only so I am aware that he should have playdates.

I seem to be the only that ever arranges a playdate. Of course I know that people have busy lives and already have a chaotic household.

My son is asking to have one partcular boy atm I have never even said hello to his mom and my ds wants me to go and arrange a playdate with her.

Is your ds an only.

Would suggest the primed ds approach, TBH if ds gets an invite I think its only manners to get a return invite.

I do have a 3 year old dd as well .. once she starts school it'll be a nightmare, but boys IMO tend to have a wider circle of friends wheras girls tend to stick to best friends IYKWIM

Good luck !

I have 2 school-age DC (6 & 8). I arrange playdates when DC ask me, I approach the mums even if I don't know them.

• Some never say yes, and may even be rude in their manner about it.
• Vast majority say yes but never invite back.
• A few say yes and are wonderful about inviting back as often as their child visits.
• None ever ask without having been invited first. I suggest you (zez) set a limit on your tolerance, say 1 visitor at each of one of 2 playdates/week, and then your DS will have to be particular in who he wants. And you reserve right to reject any children who have visited previously & been trouble or whose mums have turned you down with a snub.

Hi
Thanks for that maybe if I was more outgoing and chatted away to everyone on the playground my ds would get more playdate offers.

I don't mean to be stand offish around people its just that I am useless at small talk.

I suppose I am worried that if I go up to a mom that I never speak to to arrange a playdate for my ds that they will say no.

I have asked a few and they have all said yes. Maybe I should try that approach with the ones I hardly know that yaddayah mentions get my ds to ask in front of the parent.

or just write a note and say 'Ds would like (name) to come and play - could he come on Wednesday next week (put the date on!)My phone number is 1234'. then get DS to hand it over.

always put the date on in case the note disappears and resurfaces a month later.

so far this week bearing in mind started on Tues

DD had friend back after nursery on tues till 3.30, weds till 1.30 and was at friend's house today till 3.30

DS had friend back on tues at 3.30 and friend over at 8.20am on weds and back at 3.30 on weds (favour to his parents) .. he complained that nobody came back after school today

tomorrow both are going for a sleepover (hurrah for me)

generally DS has 3 playdates a week (mainly here) and I'd say DD has about 2 after nursery

it is well-known I do too many .. but I love them .. and I don't care

It's only so you have an excuse to open the wine early isn't it Twig?

We tend to have around 3 or 4 per half term. So perhaps average one every couple of weeks...

But that's because dd is quite happy just catching up and chilling out with her brother. Plus she is at a small village school with only 5 other girls in her year.

Plus she is still only young (Yr 1)

I find that quite a few children have out of school activities and older siblings added complications to the agenda / schedule, so that even when a play date has been agreed in principle, it may take a couple of weeks for it to happen.

Iota knows me well

I do playdates when dh is not working at home ( am cramming them in at the moment)

to be fair weds lunchtime 'playdate' was 4 of my friends, 2 babies and only one of DD's .. so it probably shouldn't count