Infant sleep

[VixFromThe6ix]

Hi 👋
I'm a first time mom. My baby is just over 3mos mark.
I wanted to ask you all for some support or words of wisdom.
Our son is literally our world. He's so sweet and so precious. It took a lot to make him happen and now that he is here I'm over thinking everything.
When he was first born he slept quite a good amount, but somewhere at 3 week mark that stopped.
Fast forward to this day, he has days where he sleeps pretty well, but then he has days where he doesn't sleep at all.... I am talking 3 hrs in total in the 18hr time frame. (I'm using the app so I'm keeping track) the longest stretch of time he sleeps on a good day is 3.5hrs, the rest is like 30min-2hrs.

He's feeding very frequently as well... Every 2hrs, and sometimes more frequently. Because if he doesn't, he cries.
I guess I'm just exhausted... I don't even know how to put this post together that it makes sense. We all somehow caught a cold so I'm super stuffy and sinus-y and lack of sleep is really weighing on me.

I just wanna know from all you ladies when does a baby sleep longer? Eat less frequent?

I keep reading that he should be able to sleep from like 8pm till morning with just 1-2 feedings. Or that he should be able to eat every 4hrs... It makes me feel defeated.

If he's not sleeping or eating he's most likely crying. I know he's a baby and he's communicating best he can but it just makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Hope was your baby at 3mos?

You’re not doing anything wrong. Your baby sounds completely normal to me.

Honestly I'd forget everything you've read about what he 'should' be doing. I remember getting so stressed that DD 'should' be napping for at least 4 hours a day or whatever and stressing both of us out trying to get her to have an extra half an hour if she'd not slept her 'quota' for the day. Every baby really is different, feed him when he wants, let him sleep when he wants and you'll fall into a natural rythym.

This is the best advice.
The baby hasn’t read the books and doesn’t know how long he’s “meant” to sleep or eat less frequently.
Feed him whenever he wants and offer opportunities to sleep when he starts to look tired.

It sounds hard but very normal. I found that around 4 months the daytimes started to settle into something more predictable. But the nights were hard with lots of feeding for a long time. Sorry! In terms of them getting some more daytime sleep are you only trying in the cot/Moses basket, as mine always needed lots of movement to sleep so there was lots of time in the carrier for them and walking or bouncing on a gym ball at home for me.

Thank you!

I've been trying to go with the flow, so to say, and gauge it based on baby. He does tend to get tired and absolutely refuses to be put down. He loves being carried and second you put him down he is wide awake. I even tried watching videos on how to put a baby down but nothing has been working. Sometimes we leave him be and he falls asleep eventually on his own but most times he cries as soon as he hits his crib.
I feel so bad for him cause we could tell he is exhausted and just fighting it...
I hope it all events out eventually...

Thank you for the encouragement. It's really stressful seeing these instagram mom's and baby caretakers putting out reels telling me basically my baby isn't acting normal due to not sleeping enough or eating too often.
As a first time mom it does get to you because you don't know any better.
I also have friends whose babies "sleep through the night" since like birth ...
I just want him to be ok and grow up healthy

Thank you for your insight.
He falls asleep either by eating himself to sleep or by rocking him. I find that when we dance he falls asleep quite easily.
It's the staying asleep that is his issue .... As soon as we out him down he is up again. So we start all over again and he gets to a point where he is overtired and it's impossible to get him to sleep. Hours later he sleeps cause he asimply exhausted....which is not what I want for him. I feel so bad cause we could tell he is tired and he is fighting it.

Agree with previous posters that it all sounds very normal. It's hard work though, both mine have been very poor sleepers. My 21 month old is nowhere near sleeping through yet and whilst I think most do by that age, at least some nights, it's also normal not to. Instagram is a place for people to make their lives look prefect I think, not a good place for reality.

Thanks so much for your reply!
It helps to hear what I'm facing is normal. He's so chatty and smiles so much more now, it hurts my heart to see him crying around sleep time or any time we put him down.
How do I make the crib feel like a safe place for him? Right now he mostly sleeps close to me

Mine wouldn’t sleep in a crib or in any form that involved being put down during the day until around 4 months each. You’ll get there.

Tbh with my youngest I never did. I tried and tried and he just hated it. In the end i gave up and reluctantly accepted we'd have to cosleep. I put him on a mattress on the floor at about 11 months and a almost a year on he starts the night there and then comes into me still at some point, it's not what I planned or would like but it's the only way we survive!

My daughter was a bit better, not much though! I used to put toys in there and let her play while I was tidying etc but she'd only ever manage a few minutes like that. Both mine have just never liked a cot 🤷‍♀️

My DD basically was never put down either, we coslept til recently and I used to do pram naps or contact naps in the day. We got her a floor bed in her own room recently (she’s 21 months) and she still needs a lot of help at bedtime to drift off but is fine until morning unless ill.