Should we have more children

[Nutcracker12]

Hi I’m 34 years old and already have 2 children a 10 year old and a 6 year old. My problem is should we have more? I love being a mum and the thought of them growing up kills me, my life literally revolves around them. We wanted more children after our 2nd child but life got in the way and the thought of another baby was pushed aside. I would still like to add to our family but now our children are older I am enjoying this stage where we can all go out together and do things like go cinema and out for a meal, bike rides longer hikes, theam parks and it’s also nice to be able to just get on and do the house work as they can occupies them selves. I really don’t want the toddler stage again with all the toys and the mess but I also feel in a few years time I will feel board and lost without them being around as much, I really enjoy taking them on days out and I feel that my children make my life worth living and the make me experience things I would never do on my own. Also in my family there is negativity around having more than 2 children so I am really scared about telling my family if I have another baby, also we currently live in a small 2 bedroom house but have just been given a 3 bed house by the council so both my children are excited about having there own room and if we have more children it would mean them sharing again, my husband is also happy to have more children and his concerns are the same as mine, it’s been on my mind for the last year and I have lost a lot of sleep over the situation, I want to know if any one else is in my situation and how they cope with the big age difference between there children? All I have read is negative thing about children with big age gaps.
thanks for reading

Whilst this is a decision that only you & your DH can make together, I do think you need to examine your reasons for wanting a third & the ramifications of both having a third & not.
Can you afford a third? Do you still have all the clothes/equipment etc for a baby, or would you be need to be buying new/secondhand?
If you drive, will your car accommodate two growing children & a car seat? If you take public transport, that will increase your costs. Holidays will be more expensive, hotel rooms etc may need to be bigger.
You've already mentioned that your children are excited about having their own rooms; a third will mean someone has to share, & unless you can get a 4-bed, sharing indefinitely, which whilst many do, it can be nicer for the child to have their own privacy especially as they become teenagers.
What about further on - driving lessons, a car, university - if these are things you are hoping/planning for your children to do & you to help with, can you do that for three children?
How do your children feel about it? Remember a third child will make your current youngest into a middle child; your oldest may feel put upon as the oldest having to look after the younger ones - not saying it will, but it can & can lead to resentment & jealousy.
And what will happen when your third child becomes 4-5; will you want a fourth to maintain that early motherhood feeling?
If you had your eldest at 24, I do wonder if your a bit scared of what your life will look like once your children are older/have left home. Maybe you do need to look at who you are outside of being a mother - what interests you? What have you had to put off doing whilst you've had young children? Focus on yourself, because all your children will grow up eventually & whilst you will always be their mother, you are a person in your own right too.

I have three but I wouldn’t recommend another for the reasons you’ve given. As others have said, you’d only be kicking the issue down the road. You need to find the things that make you happy beyond your children. It’s not healthy for you to pin so much of your happiness to them for either you or them.

This is really sad. My MIL was like this and couldn't stop having babies as she felt bereft when they stopped needing her as much. She ended up with 8 children she couldn't afford and they have had to miss out on a lot of opportunities such as school trips and days out etc. She also controlled them a bit too much in an effort to keep feeling needed, which made them unhappy and rebellious. Of course now the eldest is 18 she's bereft again, but not able to have more kids.

Please don't live your life through your children. It's not fair on them. Find fulfilment with the lovely family you are lucky enough to have, the experiences you all enjoy together, and your own individual passions and interests.

A slightly different view: I'm the youngest of three, my siblings are close in age and there's almost a decade between me and my closest sibling. They are very close and always have been, they grew up together, played together, were at school together etc.
I'm not close to either of them, my childhood was very different. I didn't have a close sibling, for me it felt more like being an only child as they were off to university and work when I was still at primary school.
I've always felt like a spare one looking into a family, like I don't quite "fit". That feeling has never gone away even as we've moved through into adulthood.
I was also overly mothered by my mum as I was the last one and "her baby" and she clung onto me far longer than she did with the others, by the time I went to university, I was absolutely straining for freedom and to get away from that suffocating feeling, so I'm not particularly close to my parents either.

Having a third with a big age gap may make your family feel complete from your perspective, but it can feel very different for that third child.

I appreciate this is only one person's experience but it's just something to consider.