Experience of ideal age gap?

[ShleepyMumma]

DH and I are thinking about when to have baby no 2. Trying to decide when to start trying. If imminently, there would be possible 23/24 month age gap. Or, wait a bit and have a 29/30 month age gap. My mind changes all the time. I really want another DC but I struggled with my first born and motherhood hit me HARD. Will I cope with a newborn and nearly 2 year old? But if I wait, will I cope with newborn and toddler in September as we head into winter (which I worry won’t help my mood with the dark, cold, rain/can’t get out)
Any mums of 2 or more DC, particularly those who struggled with mental health after becoming a Mum, got any experience of what gap worked for them?
TIA

These both sound tiny to me! We waited until the oldest was 3 on the basis that was the smallest gap we were pretty sure we could cope with as you know by then what sort of child you have and they qualify for the free hours at nursery so at least you get a bit of a break. My children have both changed massively between 1 and 2 and a half so it's really tricky to plan out based on the child you have currently, plus the second could be a totally different personality. Personally I'd wait for a just under 3 year gap unless you're much older, it's not like it changes the number of school years between them anyway and you get a spring baby which is much nicer.

I also have a 3 year gap which worked well. Financially but also having the time with the oldest before the second was born and him being a bit more independent when she came along- potty trained etc. sometimes now I think it would be nice if they were closer in age but actually I think they’d just argue a lot because they don’t have the same interests and that’s not to do with their ages- more their personalities. If I could go back in time I would probably stick with 3 years or do 2 and a half at the earliest

I had a 19 month and then a 23 month age gap.

I found all really small children very hard work. So there wasn’t much difference between newborn and basically a big baby and a newborn and a big toddler.

But they get closer and able to play together quicker.

I think you will find pros and cons for each age gap though.

Writing with experience as a nanny (I’m a mom now but sticking to one!) There are pros and cons to all. If you ‘feel’ ready I’d just get on and go for it. You’ve got all the stuff and you’re already knackered! Personally, I don’t think the age gap means anything. More to consider—have you got a support network? can you afford to put the first or both into nursery for a bit to help you out? It’s lifestyle more than the gap that matters imo. Good luck.

I think it depends on your lifestyle/set up. We both work full time so we wanted at least a 3 year gap to avoid paying 2 sets of full nursery fees simultaneously. (As it turns out DC1 will be off to school a month before DC2 starts at nursery!)
but if you’re a SAHP then you don’t really have that consideration so much, so it’s what you think you can cope with.

A 4 year gap means you'll minimise your time paying for childcare for 2.

Also the 4 year old was rational and easy once #2 came along. They get on really well now and it doesn't feel as though the age gap is massive now both are teens.

3 years was ideal for us.

3 year old could speak pretty well to communicate feelings etc, do simple tasks like fetch nappies, wipes, food. She could tidy up. She could entertain herself for a decent chunk of time. She started to enjoy & sit through a Disney film for some downtime. We had just about made it through the worst of the tantrums. And she was fully potty trained & sleeping well (ish, she’s never been brilliant).

Financially - we had her 3 year funding at nursery & only 6 months where we had to pay for 2x nursery places. Doable with the funding although tight.

And it’s just worked out really nicely overall. We never had any jealously at all. DD1 was overjoyed by her sister & they remain the best of friends 90% of the time (age 2 & 5 now). They both wake up at the crack of dawn & DD1 goes into DD2s room, grabs the iPad, books, toys and climbs into her cot. And they stay there happy as Larry until 7am! It’s incredible 😂 The age gap works fine in their interests being similar enough for now. They like the same TV on the whole, eat the same foods & as it happens, DD2 is a complete daredevil & throws herself down huge slides with big sister, climbs to the top of any softplay, will go on any ride at a theme park she can, any water slide etc .. certainly have never needed to find ‘toddler friendly’ parks etc 😂 I’m sure it’ll change as we pass through different ages. But overall, I wouldn’t change a thing.

2 under 2 is my idea of hell 😂