4 year old driving me mad

[Bennieandthejets]

I just need to vent cos I can’t tell anyone
it’s Saturday morning and two days with my 4 year old loom ahead and I’m just so anxious and dreading it and angry already
everything is a battle. He wants to see a friend so I arrange it then he won’t say hello to friend mum or thank for a snack even though we discussed it very gently before hand. He moans all way home as wants to stay long and I explain about having to go for lunch and friend having to so whatever. Have to explain again and again and he whines.
At home he doesn’t listen to a thing and I repeat myself so much I hate hate hate the sound of myself. He refuses food just to exercise control
I can barely disguise my disdain sometimes. I try I try so hard but often when he says mummy my reply is so snappy or fed up. I have spells
of being so posivite and encouraging and then something will happen like he doesn’t listen and causes a breakage or something and then I get cross and shout
he won’t answer any questions directly like are you hungry, can you find your shoes. Just ignores me.
he is a nice kid and very loving sometimes but I’m just struggling so much

It's in the word 'disdain'. My mum struggled to hide her disdain for me at that age and your child is just bouncing the negativity right back at you. I mean, how can he be cheerful when you're so clearly not?

My DD was like that when she was 4 and 5 and 6. With the not listening thing I actually went to the doctor because I was so concerned that she was not hearing my properly. She was absolutely fine and obviously it was a case of just selective hearing. It can be so exhausting, so draining that it’s really hard to remain positive and encouraging. I would say pick your battles and not everything has to perfect. There’s a lot of resistance at that age but we don’t have to over react to every “no”. I don’t l how I got through it but I did and so will you.

Thank you @Chica10

I actually have wondered if there’s a hearing problem!! 😂appreciate your words

I definitely think you need to pick your battles here. Not saying please and thank you is embarrassing for you as a parent but given your DC is 4 it's not the end of the world, they're not long out of being a toddler. If they don't want to eat their dinner then they don't have to - maybe offer porridge or something similarly boring instead. Not answering you is irritating but it's not actually a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I know it's easier said than done but it sounds like you need a bit of time to reflect on things - do you have a partner to chip in or discuss this with? Honestly what you're describing doesn't sound that bad

Thanks for the opinion.
It sure felt bad when I wrote the post.

My DS is 4.5 and is either a delight or incredibly hard work at the moment. Lots of huffing and puffing when asked to do basic things (shoes/teeth/toilet etc - stuff he has been able to do independently for a long time) Lots of big emotions and tantrums over nothing. Then incredibly kind and loving soon after. It’s exhausting. I’m hoping it’s a phase. I think I will follow the advice of PP and pick my battles as I’m aware I sound like an absolute nag some days!!