Moral support for gradual retreat

[HenrysHome]

Exhausted mum in search of moral support and encouragement for gradual retreat that starts tonight!

My 19 month old D's has never slept longer than 2 hours in a row since birth. We have tried literally everything including several attempts at sleep training already. We are receiving support from the HV sleep team and have made a bit of progress re routine and bedtime, but we just can't crack the middle of the night wakings. We end up co sleeping (in reality Ds tosses and turns and I lie wide awake getting kicked in the face). The only sleep I get is between 7-9pm and maybe a couple of broken hours here and there overnight. We share the nights 50/50 so it's not like dh isn't stepping up. I'm also 28 weeks pregnant so pretty much at breaking point.

So, gradual retreat starts again tonight, I really struggle with being consistent with it as we're both just so exhausted, please provide me with all the encouragement possible so I can read this thread in the middle of the night and keep going!

Gahh, that sounds rough. I'm currently lying awake for no reason other than I expect my son to wake and ask for me soon as he keeps doing at 5.45 everyday (and tries to get up for the day) and I'm trying to work out how to break the cycle. But didn't want to read and run. I'm also 28 weeks pregnant and the discomfort of that is starting already. Yawn.

Have you ruled out reflux or any mineral deficiencies/ allergies that could cause the restless sleep?

It's definitely rough @LazyYogi ! Currently feeling very sorry for myself having a little cry whilst Ds watches Mr tumble. He had awful silent reflux til he was 8/9 months for which he was heavily medicated but he's grown out of that now. He was also cmpa, passed the milk ladder but can't tolerate straight cow's milk yet. I think by this point and with everything we've explored already it's simply habit combined with low sleep needs, it's exhausting!

Hi, I’m also 28 weeks pregnant. We’ve got a floor bed for DD so we can cosleep/cuddle to get her to sleep and then leave without moving / waking her. Would that work for you?

Have you talked to him about what to do when he wakes up and is on his own? DS1 is 2.5 and has gone through phases of night waking where he'll be distressed he's on his own. (This is partly due to us being in the room when he falls asleep but thankfully we don't have the constant waking you are dealing with.)

However, it has definitely helped to talk about what to do when he wakes alone. So I will mention it at bedtime, ask him about it in the morning and also sometimes touching on it during the day. I usually say "when you wake in the night, find your drink, pull your blanket back over you, and go to sleep again" I've seen him do this on the monitor a few times so I think it does sink in eventually.

Funnily enough @SamanthaVimes my job for this afternoon is to dismantle his cot and set him up on a single mattress to see if it helps at all! He's very very restless in the night and part of the problem is banging himself off the cot so hoping a bit more space to roll around might help. That's a good idea @LazyYogi , will definitely try it. He doesn't have any speech yet but his understanding is very good.

Update: have now been awake for 22 hours. Ds is waking every 10-15 mins crying out, tossing and turning. Have given him calpol, won't drink any milk. Have resorted to cosleeping in his new floorbed but it isn't cutting it.

Keep going, it is worth it. Both for you and him. There is so much brain development that happens while they are sleeping thru the night, you will be helping him by teaching him he can self settle.

Thanks @SeaToSki ! He eventually settled enough around 2am that I could sneak away and he slept til 5, 3 hours is pretty good for him so I'm viewing it as progress! DH had him from 5 so I could have a few hours sleep

Yay. Keep going tonight, you will get there and it is worth it. Just be prepared at some stage during gradual retreat, you kind of have to leave them to it as just you being there rouses them. You will know by when you stop making progress, but by that time you will have helped him learn some self settling skills so he will be able to take it the rest of the way with just a little protesting.

Thanks @SeaToSki. We had a pretty similar night, crying and whining in his sleep til 1ish and then a bit of a stretch til 5am. Usually if I was to hold his hand/ co sleep he would settle straight away but nothing seems to help him settle, suppose he just has to get there on his own? I've been sleeping in the single bed in his room, maybe tonight I'll stay in mine whilst he whines to see if that helps him.

How is it going? Hope you are hanging in there