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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

How do I get my 6 year old into school in the mornings

45 replies

Mam576 · 22/04/2022 11:30

My 6 yr old DD wakes up every morning and says she is not going to school. Lots of tears and tantrums later we get out the door and into the car, she is upset and doesn't want to go. I've sat down with her lots and tried to get to the bottom of what is bothering her. I've spoke to teachers. She says she simply just wants to be with me all day, the day is too long and she misses me.

The mornings are so difficult at the moment. Her teacher said this morning she goes in perfectly well when her dad takes her, but basically it must be something that I am doing because she clings onto me and will not let go of me. She said I need to be having a firm word with her this weekend. I walked away really annoyed. The last thing I want to do every morning is walk away from my hysterical child who is being pulled off me!!

Does anybody have any advice on how I can get her in and have stress free mornings?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

itsmellslikepopcarn · 22/04/2022 13:48

I genuinely could have written this myself, including the bit about ex DP “shouting louder” so she listens to him. Just this morning we had a stand off about going into school.

I am very much fan of the “gentle parenting” method so I always listen to DD about what is bothering her because there is always something, but at the same time I have to be firm about school not being negotiable. I also give her something to take in with her, we listen to all music she wants to on the way and I don’t fight with her about stuff like her socks or hair if she doesn’t want it done.

I do think it’s probably just a phase though, if your DD is in YR1 like mine I think it’s a very difficult year for them, adjusting to learning with a lot less playing than usual. I’ve heard back from a lot of the other mums at DDs school that the girls were all the same.

could you arrange with one of her mums friends to try and meet by the door? When DD best friend turns up at the same time she practically dances in.

Caszekey · 22/04/2022 18:15

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 22/04/2022 13:22

You'll have to sort it out, my sister was like this (much younger than me) tantrums everyday. She still lives with her parents at 50 and won't leave home.

Lots and lots of kids are like this. It doesn't mean they're going to grow up unable to seperate from the fancy unit. The kid has gone through a parental separation and all of her nursery / infant years buggered about by covid. It's perfectly normal for her to be clingy.

RandomMess · 22/04/2022 18:17

TBF with Covid and Lockdown and homeschool it probably hasn't been the most positive experience going to school. Certainly not the same as those that consistently went from Reception and Year 1.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Behaviour & development Families General education

PriamFarrl · 22/04/2022 18:23

One lovely thing I’ve seen a parent do is this: in the morning the mum got a red felt tip and drew a small heart on the inside of her daughter’s wrist and then on the same place on her wrist.
She told her daughter that if she got upset then all she had to do was touch the heart and she, the mum, would feel it and think about her.

declutteringmymind · 22/04/2022 19:02

So some things to try that worked for me:

Get to school before anyone else.
I made a packed lunch for me and for my DS. I promised him I'd eat it at the same time as him.
I put a little surprise in his lunch box every day. A little note, a little toy etc.

Bedsheets4knickers · 22/04/2022 19:03

My little girl was the same for the 1st few years at school , she's 9 now and no bother . My son is 11 he always went in with no bother but now he's hitting pre teen and lazy so we have the same bad mood and making out he's unwell . We just stand firm . You go to school and that's that no messing .
In my daughters case the teacher also said once inside she was totally fine .

Bedsheets4knickers · 22/04/2022 19:06

ifchoclatewerecelery · 22/04/2022 13:29

There is a Facebook group called not fine in school: family support for school attendance difficulties, it might be worth joining.

I wouldn't get sucked into this OP . You just need to firm up abit . They've already said she's fine once in so don't let it stress you . Some kids just don't like leaving the house early in the morning .

Original poster

Mam576 · 22/04/2022 19:09

Thank you all, these tips have been really helpful. I'm going to try as many of these as possible. I really like the idea of the TA helping because she is very approachable so I will speak to her on Monday. I also love the idea about drawing the hearts on the wrist.

She's in year 2, so has not had a proper year in school as covid started in reception, and before this she suffered with separation anxiety with nursery. I spoke to DD today after school, and we've agreed to make a chart together and everyday she does in well she gets a sticker. At the end of the week if she has 5 stickers I said she can pick a special treat from the shop. It may end up costing me a fortune but I am prepared to do anything at the moment to make mornings easier.

OP posts:

jewishmum · 22/04/2022 19:14

My daughter was going through a tantrum phase with aggression. I sat down and listed as many changes that have happened for her in the last year as I could think of. I totalled 15 changes. This could be something of use to you. It could be she needs to feel more secure.

Quartz2208 · 22/04/2022 19:40

Will the school help as well - DD got the celebration certificate in Reception for going in for 2 weeks straight without crying?

A visual timetable as well will help wonders.

It is good for her though to know that it is non negotiable and that you are calm about it all

How are her friendships?

Mumoftwoinprimary · 22/04/2022 19:49

So basically she would rather be with you than school. But rather be in school than with her dad?

Doesn’t help you get her in but hopefully will make you feel better about it. 😀

I have a Y4 who is not completely convinced by school. We have discussed it a lot and concluded that he is perfectly happy at school but would rather be at home with me, his books, his toys and his iPad. (And his dad and sister but they came a long way after me, his books his toys and iPad. 😂)

I agreed that I would rather be at home with him and my books too but I have to go to work and he has to go to school.

Keepitonthedownlow · 22/04/2022 19:51

Same position here OP. I've been giving my DD a pound in the morning to by a snack. Fortunately the school teacher will take her hand as well. I suppose it is separation anxiety, I'm a lone parent so me and DD are very close. Looking forward to her growing out of it.

5zeds · 22/04/2022 19:55

Have you asked her what she thinks will help?

declutteringmymind · 22/04/2022 19:59

I'd consider getting her the treat on the actual day if you can. So drop her off, tell her you need to go and buy her treat for when you pick her up. I used to bring a banana and hot milk

steppemum · 22/04/2022 20:16

My youngest dd was like this. She is 14 now.
reception was fine because parents walked in with kids, heloed them hang coats and they went to an activity and parents left.
Then year 1 they had to line up outside. Every morning we had a tantrum. Every morning there were tears and teacher/TA had to feel her off me to go in.
As soon as she got into the classroom, she was fine.

I gradually realised that it wasn't just school and she struggled with transition in lots of contexts (going to birthday parties, or days out)
Even as a teen struggling with going to new places for the first time.

We found lots of things which helped.
transition objects.
social stories including feelings.
knowing what will happen that day with as much detail as possible. (she still likes to know this)
But the best would have been if I could have just walked her in. Once in, she was fine. It was the gap from playground to school.

I heard someone describe it like this:
Every morning you have to jump over a chasm from one side to the other. You know that the other side is safe. You know you have done it before. But that doesn't make the jump any less scary, or the fear any less, and every morning the chasm is there.
For my dd, if I jumped with her, that was enough.
I wish I had realised this sooner and asked to do just that. She was so capable in many areas that we really dimissed/belittled some of her social anxieties for a long time.

By year 2 she had grown out of it.... mostly. There were still bad mornings.

At home before we left we would sometimes get meltdowns. It took me a long time to realise that the melt downs were not about he favourite socks or whatever, they were transition distress.
I stopped battling over socks, and would sit on the bottom step of the stairs and gave her a firm cuddle. Then she would calm right down, and then be able to manage socks and school walk.

ZarquonsSandals · 22/04/2022 20:18

My DC had a friend like this at school. Now they're in Y6 the friend is finally able to go in without getting upset about mum dropping her off. Having said that, we went in a while ago to see a performance which both children were in, and at the end, parents could give their kids a quick hug. Mine gave me high five and ran off (embarrassing parent don't you know) but the other child was sobbing as mum left.
I don't have any solutions but wanted you to know that it's not that unusual. As time passes, they seem to be better at dealing with it.

Reedie1987 · 16/01/2025 06:57

@Mam576 I know it’s been some time and you might not see this but how are things now a couple of years on? X

Original poster

Mam576 · 16/01/2025 09:30

Hi @Reedie1987 that's really nice for you to ask about updates. Things are so much better now, she walks in absolutley fine. We have some mornings where she says she doesnt want to go but that's all she goes in fine. Now she's in year 5 she likes the independence sometimes of walking through the gate on her own with friends and then other times she wants me to walk her in right to the door. It's nice to see her confidence growing :)

OP posts:

Reedie1987 · 16/01/2025 09:31

That’s lovely so glad everything has improved for her! My six year old son is similar now to how your daughter was. He’s in year 1 - it’s nice to know things have improved - fingers crossed they will for my son xx

Original poster

Mam576 · 16/01/2025 09:35

@Reedie1987 Fingers crossed for you, I don't have any formula as to what works/what doesn't work. As previous posters have said the reason is because you're their safe space. Although I know that doesn't always help the stress of the mornings but it will get easier :) And when it does get easier you really appreciate those easy mornings.

OP posts:

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