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Original poster

Tips for explaining SENS to toddler

35 replies

Scottishskifun · 22/04/2022 09:20

Anyone have any tips for explaining SENS to a 3 year old?
If you have a SENS child what would have helped?
My DS has a friend we love spending time with and Im friends with his mum, he's particular about certain toys which is completely understandable. Before we just distracted DS with something else but DS has started saying X isn't nice because they won't share or let me play with trains.

I want to try to explain to him that sharing is good but for his friend that's trickier.

X's communication is also under speech therapy to develop it and DS has also picked up on this so want to gently explain. We have tried everyone is unique and some are better at different things.

Finding it a bit of a minefield and don't want to upset DS, his friend or my friend.
Any tips would be amazing!

OP posts:
TeenPlusCat · 22/04/2022 17:40

Some people find things easier or harder than others.
Sometimes people's brains are wired a bit different so they find things particularly hard.
Tommy finds sharing very difficult so it is best if you stick to your own toys with him.

Lem0nDrizzle · 22/04/2022 17:45

Sometimes people's brains are wired a bit different so they find things particularly hard

You can't actually be being serious with this comment surely

TeenPlusCat · 22/04/2022 17:56

Why not?
Surely ND is just that - brain being wired differently from NT, and that causes some things to be hard?
What would you say in preference?

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Original poster
Scottishskifun · 22/04/2022 20:46

Thanks it's a good one about the toys I know I might get but why (my toddlers favourite word!) but can explain with some things are harder for others.

I don't know if the wired one he would understand or if it would upset my friend if he repeats it. I know what you mean though and we have tried along the lines of everyone is unique.

I think mostly I just want them both to have fun and enjoy themselves without my DS triggering a meltdown for his friend or DS to get upset at some of Xs actions.

OP posts:
ineedsun · 22/04/2022 20:48

‘Everyone’s different and some people find some things harder than others’

i don’t understand the horror about brain wiring either.

User89174648495 · 22/04/2022 20:52

We go with ‘x is still learning so we have to show her.’

To be honest it is a minefield and what someone is comfortable with someone else might not be. I’ve got a child with a learning disability and don’t know what to say to my own other two children and sometimes cringe at what I say to the one with the LD as it’s all so stressful and upsetting when she displays challenging and toddler like behaviour.

I’d just absolutely own it and ask the mum what she would like you to say and tell her you adore her and her son and want to support them both.

The fact you’re even trying is supportive in my eyes.

Lindy2 · 22/04/2022 20:53

I'd use an explanation along these lines, although obviously it depends on how well your own child can comprehend.

"X's brain just works a little bit differently to most other people. It means that he finds making friends and sharing a bit more difficult. He also finds it a bit more difficult to talk so is getting some extra help to do that.

I know it can be tricky at times but it would really help X if you could try and play with him and be nice to him."

I used similar to explain to my own SEN child as to why she found friendships and learning harder than everyone else. She was a bit older though.

JustOneMoreStep · 22/04/2022 20:53

I've had a similar issue but in relation to explaining why a (disabled) adults behaviour is not always what is expected. I just said he has a 'poorly brain' and then related to whatever the issue is which was accepted by the children involved and as they grew they learnt more about the specific individual needs.

Perhaps speak to your friend (SEND Childs parent) and explain your concerns and how they might like to tackle it?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 22/04/2022 20:54

I’ve always said X’s brain thinks a bit differently…

purpleme12 · 22/04/2022 20:55

If your child is still a toddler I would honestly just stick with 'some people find things harder than others and we're all still learning'
And continue trying etc. He's too little to go into anything else

purpleme12 · 22/04/2022 20:56

purpleme12 · 22/04/2022 20:55

If your child is still a toddler I would honestly just stick with 'some people find things harder than others and we're all still learning'
And continue trying etc. He's too little to go into anything else

3 year old sorry not a toddler. Still stick by what I said

Lindy2 · 22/04/2022 20:57

Lem0nDrizzle · 22/04/2022 17:45

Sometimes people's brains are wired a bit different so they find things particularly hard

You can't actually be being serious with this comment surely

What's the problem with this? My child's brain is wired differently. It's a pretty accurate explanation actually and one used by myself and my SEN child.

It's an easier phrase that neurological pathways, that's for sure.

Definitely not something to act offended about.

Starseeking · 22/04/2022 21:01

My younger pre-school DC has an autism diagnosis and global development delay, while my reception DC has no additional needs. Older DC regularly wants explanations around why younger DC x. I say things like:

  • your sibling is finding out how to do x
  • your sibling is developing skills in x
  • your sibling is learning at their own pace
  • your sibling is learning how to share etc etc

Older DC finds this concept easy to understand, so I always describe younger DC to older DC along those kinds of lines.

Anomalocaris · 22/04/2022 21:04

Don't make it about the other child, and remember that whatever you say to try and explain will be repeated.

You just need to talk about how everybody learns differently, some people take longer with some things than others, and then give examples eg mummy is very good at running but finds Lego really hard.

stressbucket1 · 22/04/2022 21:05

I would either stick with X finds sharing hard and is still learning or ask your friend how she would like it explaining if you feel able to. I find brain's wired differently and some people think differently is 'othering' and doesn't sound inclusive to me. It also doesn't explain the difficulties or suggest a solution. As a parent I wouldn't like that language used about my child.

Lem0nDrizzle · 22/04/2022 21:07

My child is autistic and I would hate for children to start saying to him your brain is wired differently to mine, if he can understand or not I just don't think it's the right approach to say to other children, especially so young.

Granted, his brain is wired differently but I think there are nicer ways to put it like a pp said below;

some people find things harder than others and we're all still learning

User89174648495 · 22/04/2022 21:09

I feel a bit offended by the ‘poorly brain’ tbh.

Rinatinabina · 22/04/2022 21:18

I think it’s fine to say “x is still learning about y, some people learn differently”

Thing is 3 is too young to sort behaviours and attribute them correctly to a condition. You want him to have expectations of how other people behave so he can decide if he doesn’t think some behaviours are nice whilst simultaneously accepting it from a specific child. I know it may be hurtful to some about the brain wired differently bit but its accurate and direct. Your son is more likely to understand a simple explanation. You aren’t saying its wrong or broken just different.

ineedsun · 22/04/2022 21:19

See I don’t like ‘x is still learning’. Because they’re not necessarily and it also creates an impression of someone being more advanced than someone else.

They’re different from you, that’s all. They find some things harder than you do, like there are some things that will be harder for you.

vipersnest1 · 22/04/2022 21:21

I have a DC who was diagnosed with a ND condition. I have explained to them in the past that they don't see the cues that other people do. It was helpful to DC to realise that they needed to try to learn, observe and react to other's cues in a way that they wouldn't usually think of. They have found it useful to promote relationships with others, and now don't need to think about it because it has become part of how they deal with and react to other people.
I also have another DC whose brain is literally not wired like most other people's due to a genetic condition.
Is anyone suggesting that I should ignore both of those things and plough on without giving them the tools to help themselves be more able to react in an appropriate way and be able to be a more integrated member of our society?
Yes, there are kind ways of explaining things to a child in an appropriate way - and there are ways that minimise the child's feelings and understanding of how to forge relationships with others.
I know what I would choose - and that is grounded in what is appropriate to the age of the child concerned.

vipersnest1 · 22/04/2022 21:22

@User89174648495, where did you get that from? I'm asking as I've looked and can't see it.

stressbucket1 · 22/04/2022 21:27

Agreed @ineedsun simple and age appropriate 👌

User89174648495 · 22/04/2022 21:32

@vipersnest1 someone wrote

‘I've had a similar issue but in relation to explaining why a (disabled) adults behaviour is not always what is expected. I just said he has a 'poorly brain' and then related to whatever the issue is which was accepted by the children involved and as they grew they learnt more about the specific individual needs’

I just don’t think my disabled daughters brain is ‘poorly’ - it isn’t now and won’t be as an adult. I just find it offensive. I do think her brain works differently.

User89174648495 · 22/04/2022 21:34

@ineedsun my daughter is still learning and her three year old sister is more advanced than her so we do need to keep showing her and hopefully she will learn.

Blogdog · 22/04/2022 21:34

I don’t see the ‘wired differently’ comment as problematic. I have two neurodiverse children and both of them have taken comfort from this phrase as it has given them a concrete reason for why they find certain things more difficult, as opposed to blaming themselves for not being able to do some things that NT children do more easily. I can see how others may take a different view but it has been useful for us - It’s pretty much the definition of Neurodiversity.