I absolutely hate parenting a toddler

[Exhaustedandupset]

Looking back at baby photos makes me feel genuinely sad because I loved that but I am absolutely hating this stage.

Sleep is ten times worse than the baby stage, with the added complication that I am back at work, so it’s not like I can get up and have a chilled morning.

it isn’t Dcs fault but I am sick of stuff being destroyed and trashed, completely exhausted from tantrums, feel like I’m doing a terrible job with every aspect of parenting and finding ways to entertain him.

This is a very loved and wanted child but I’m just really not enjoying him at all at this stage.

I stupuidly had 3 in 3 years and absolutely felt like this, endless drudge but worse as so combative.

There were days I would sometimes go in the kitchen and pray for help (not religious, just desperate) to just get through the day else I was going to walk. I fantasised about walking often.

How old is he and is he at nursery/pre-school?

Once I got mine into one and returned to work, whilst hard from a lack of sleep/illness perspective made all the difference to the kids. They were entertained and did things far beyond my abilities, clearly they'd needed interaction and to do more than I was capable of. I had had v bad PND too and going back to work helped enormously, how is your MH otherwise?

Once they get to school, whilst still challenging it really does improve, so please hang in there.

Mine are all teenagers now, looking at uni for the widest and I love this stage, I think done of us are just not made to enjoy all the stages. No shame in that.

I have no useful advice to add, just wanted to send you a message to say I am right there with you. My ds2 is a very difficult toddler - ds1 had his moments for sure but nothing compared to ds2. I'm off for Easter holidays this week and genuinely counting down to getting back to work for a 'break'. I love both of my sons beyond measure but god it's tough at times lol!

You aren't failing. All kids are different, and different at different stages. I much preferred my first as a toddler because she screamed at me relentlessly as a baby. No 2 was a chilled baby, but a total rascle at 1. Same parenting, just different kids. You'll get out the other side of this, it's only a phase.

Thanks. Yes, in nursery (full time and I used to think this was a shame!) but the problem is I’m in a full time demanding job too so it’s not really like I catch a break in the day. It’s just different types of stress.

He is so full on and never ever stays still. We used to have lovely long walks with the pram and now can’t as he refuses the pushchair, go to the park and it’s fine for a bit but then he’s eating stones or taking his shoes off. We’ll do something nice but then have to leave and there’s a tantrum. I start off good humoured but when that’s happened five times before breakfast I’m just sick of it.

I really do appreciate the kindness.

Toddlers are really hard work. I absolutely loved the baby stage but the toddler stage I found really hard. Can you make one room absolutely safe and put a safety gate on the door? Hopefully this stage should be short lived and he'll be in school before you know it!

Thanks

I feel like if he’d just sleep then that would make a lot of the day stuff more bearable, but he’s so bad at night just now (teeth?) I think there were seven wakeups last night

I’ve been doing the same thing this week! All starry eyed over photos from two years ago and missing her being a baby! She goes through big patches of just…awfulness and by bed time I’m pretty much over and out and fantasising about life in Monaco alone! But then another week passes and it’s all different and I get passed it. I guess we just don’t have a choice! But I am totally with you, it’s such hard work I have no idea how or why we all do it!

I loathed both of mine between their first and second birthdays, but can reassure you it does pass and I now have two functioning lovely adult children who recently arranged for a bottle of champagne to be waiting for DH and I when we went out to dinner because we’d had a bit of a shit week. So my crap toddler parenting doesn't seem to have done any lasting damage.

Ah thank you, it’s times like this I am so glad MN exists because I have been feeling so horrible.

Sometimes I read things on here advice wise though and it just makes me paranoid there’s something wrong as I think arghh DS wouldn’t do that. I read yesterday to get them involved in household chores and DS wouldn’t, he’d run off with items of clothing and then get bored and have a tantrum.

You're not alone, toddler years are HARD. I'm back in them and my two eldest are teens (which has its own challenges!) I've actually always loved toddler years for many reasons but they're not easy and man, do they know how to push your buttons!

I have the same experience. 2 year old, I work a very challenging role which takes up about 50 hours a week, nursery 4 days a week but no other childcare so work early mornings and evenings to get the work in. Very different to my eldest who never had a tantrum, this one is generally physically quite rough and also has epic meltdowns that last hours. All I do is try to get into the garden as much as possible and get out to places so at least I get 20 mins in the car. It will pass but it is exhausting.

I do worry about that with DS. He is quite rough and physical with other children and pushes past them and grabs toys, etc. I am paranoid I am going to be known as the parent to the thug child

He is smiley and affectionate too but honestly he was such a gentle baby. I miss that

It's really hard. Don't feel bad about not enjoying it it's brutal. It will get better. I have been through toddler years with six of the buggers and it nearly broke me .
I know it's really difficult but I found trying to just get any bits of time for myself really helped. Also chatting with other like minded parents about what idiots they can be sometimes made me realise that hard as it was mine were pretty normal and not on a serial killer pathway.

Sorry cross post not suggesting your ds is on a serial killer pathway
That sounds quite normal. Exercise helped a bit with them being rough I found. Lots of running and wearing them out.

I do hate babies and the baby years, I find it torturous so in comparison the toddler years are better. I find my youngest does need running like a dog though, 2 hours of solid off lead time and it's far more manageable 😄

it is a worry!

He does get a fair bit of exercise and I think I’m fairly good at getting him out and about. I have misjudged a couple of times this week though, booked a couple of things that were about an hour and a half away and thought that would be nap time but he unexpectedly woke up both times and had an absolute meltdown due to tiredness and I know it’s tiredness but it’s hard not to grumpily think ‘well go to sleep then!’

I am hoping things will improve as he gets more verbal. He has about 5/6 words at the moment so obviously can’t really say what he wants.

The bank holidays make it worse, long weekends with no break. Watching everyone else have lots of time out with grandparents to help out while I bitterly look on from over my 4th coffee. Bring on a normal working week next week!