Transitioning from co-sleeping

[KrystleA]

We've been co-sleeping with our 2 year old since he was born, as he never could sleep on his own/in his own space no matter how hard we tried (acid reflux, eczema so constant scratching & waking up in the middle of the night etc), and co-sleeping was the only way all of us could get a somewhat decent night's sleep.

Now that he's getting bigger, we haven't got as much space on our bed, and hubs is talking about slowly transitioning him to his own bed.
I should note that DS can be a bit of a restless sleeper sometimes (follows his dad). He still doesn't sleep through the night either.

On the other hand though, I've gotten to love co-sleeping with bubs and don't plan to transition him any time soon. My opinion is that he'll initiate that when he's ready (and really, no child sleeps with their parents forever), but while it lasts, I really want to just enjoy him sleeping next to me or with his head on my chest; because I know he'll eventually not want to and I just want to cherish these moments while I have them.

Yes, I'm sentimental that way.

I've tried to explain my feelings and point of view to hubs but DS's restlessness affects his sleep so I do understand his want for the transition.

Is there a way around this/to compromise without having to buy a bigger bed (can't fit our room) or to stop co-sleeping?

Hi OP...

I understand your sentimentality. However, there will come a point when either of you won't get the best night sleep. How about a cot bed but with one side off and raised base to be the height of your bed? Like making your own bedside crib?

Is there a way around this/to compromise without having to buy a bigger bed (can't fit our room) or to stop co-sleeping?

Not really! Because he’ll only get bigger, and you and your DH won’t get smaller, so either you need more room to sleep all together, or you need to stop sleeping all together. If you stop sleeping all together it seems like it’s either your DH moves out of the bed, or your DS.

If he doesn’t sleep through, who will get up to him when he wakes? This makes a difference to me - if I’m going to be the one doing night wakings then I’ll choose co-sleeping. If it’s shared or my DH is doing them, the decision tips the other way.

Do you plan more DC? If so, transitioning your DS gently now is likely to be better.

Awww all I know is my baby is asleep next door and I'm awake wishing she was here. Her Dad wanted her in her own room and he and I in our room but he has gone to the spare room anyway because the monitor is too loud! So I think tomorrow I'll be back in with her!

In my experience those parents who said "they'll transition with they are ready" still have 10 year olds in the bed and husbands ready to divorce them

Get your child a single bed rather than toddler one and then you go in there with them and gradually retreat out - wait until they fall asleep and then you leave

Buy DS a small double and then you can play musical beds as needed. It’s works for us for 2 children. I haven’t had good sleepers and I don’t function well without sleep. For both of them we have put them to bed and left when they were asleep and gone back as needed. DD1 was sleeping through by herself at 3 and we are still waiting for DD2 but she she isn’t 3 yet. It’s very handy for reading stories and when they are ill beacuse you can sleep with them in their bed and you don’t have to transition them out of your bed after each illness.

Just to add for DH and I it means we go to bed together in our bed and then if/when needed one of us hops into bed with the little one.

The transition can be a long one! After getting my DC able to fall asleep in their own beds (around 2.5 / 3 yo) they were still welcome to come in with us if they woke up in the night. This has got later and less frequent as the years have gone by, but 9 yo DD still gets in for a snuggle in the mornings sometimes, which is lovely, so it's not either/or.

Thanks so much for all your suggestions everyone! ❤️ I really appreciate it, and it gives me something to think about too.

Dont rush if neither of you feel ready!

If its still working for you both, then its not a problem.

My DC is 21 months and a frequent night waker and I am waiting until shes a bit older and better communicating so we can talk about a bed etc.

We got a double floor bed for DD (21 months) and it means there’s space for one of us when she needs it but if she doesn’t we can sleep separately. I really like the flexibility it’s given us.

I have a two year old who I have always had to lie with to get to sleep and every night he always ends up in with us at some point, I'm now pregnant and due in 5 months and panicking!!