20 month old toddler still not...

[DC1stTimeMummy]

Hello all,

I wanted to ask if others have experienced the same as me & if they have any tips to help?

1. My toddler still doesn't self feed & relies on me to spoon fed him. Should I be worried as he is 20 months old? He has a habit of needing a distraction when eating!?

1. My toddler still has a bottle for his night time milk. When I stopped his morning milk in a bottle he refused to have it in a cup. Is it okay he is still using a bottle at this age (he doesn't suck on it for too long & I brush his teeth afterwards). When did your toddler stop using bottles? Is 2 years old too late to stop a bottle?

1. Do you use anything to track the progress of your toddlers development?

1. How did you find your little one got on when they started pre-school? I am considering whether to send my toddler to pre-school when he turns 2 years old.

1. When did you start potty training with your toddler?

1. When did your toddler drop their main nap?

1. What age did you transition them from a cot to a bed? Was this a normal adult bed or a toddler low bed?

Sorry for all the questions! Hope to hear back from some of you!


Hi OP

I have three DC, here are my answers:

1. Depends on the child, one of my DC was a bit lazy and liked me to spoonfeed him until he was 3yo.
2. My DC had all stopped having bottles by 20m.
3. No, not really. Just observation I guess.
4. I was a SAHM when my DC were little. They started pre-school for 3 mornings a week aged around 2.5yo, they all liked it.
5. In the day they were aged between 2y2m and 2y8m, but one was in nappies at night until he was 7yo.
6. My DC ranged from 2yo to 4yo!
7. They all moved to an adult bed between 2 and 3yo.

Hope that helps.

There is no linear development. Some toddlers learn to do things sooner than others and then have underdeveloped skills in other areas.

My mate and I had babies at the same time. Mine, by 20 months was running, hopping, jumping but not talking. Her was talking in great long sentences, but only just about walking.

Both are now 10. They can both talk for England and run and run and run.

A lot of it depends on what's important to you. I had friends who were climbers. Their kids could climb a climbing wall in 10 seconds flat. Neither of my kids can properly climb a climbing wall. That's because their kids were taken climbing all of the time and mine have only ever been to a climbing party.

So as long as things are moving in vaguely the right direction, all is well. Honestly.

Some of the stuff on your list is personal choice. Some people can't wait to ditch bottles. Others don't give it much thought.

Sounds like you're doing great, but aren't very confident, that's all. And that's ok! There's a lot of conflicting styles and advice out there. Just keep doing the best you can. It's enough!

I have a DC a similar age to yours.

1. We did blw so dd has always self fed. She now uses cutlery. I would find it a bit unusual if a baby her age had to be spoon fed for everything. What happens if you don’t spoon feed, will he give self-feeding a go?
2. We’ve just stopped all bottles and only offer milk in a cup. If she doesn’t want it she doesn’t have it, but after a few days she took the cup fine. It’s not the end of the world if they don’t have milk at this age as long as they get enough calcium elsewhere. I would say though that you shouldn’t brush teeth straight after a bottle as it brushes the sugar into their gums.
3. my dd goes to nursery so they track their development. There’s also questionnaire for each age group online, and you’ll get a 2 year review from the health visitors.
4. Dds been at nursery since she was 13 months and she absolutely loves it. She’s learnt and developed so much there and loves her friends.
5. we will start potty training at 2, although we already have a potty out so she gets used to it being there. She likes sitting on it.
6. What do you mean by main nap? Dd has been on one nap a day since 14 months, and I don’t see her dropping it any time soon as she still happily has 1.5 hours after lunch and goes to bed fine at 7pm. More than one nap would be too much for her though at this age.
7. We have just started transitioning from cot to bed. Her cot turns into a toddler bed so we have taken one side off to get her used to it.

My DS is about 6 weeks off turning 2 and my eldest is nearly 6, so just to give you an idea ...

1. Toddler does self feed most of the time, but won't use cutlery yet. I do tend to feed him the "messy" stuff because unfortunately, he does still throw food and bowls/plates and I can't be arsed with the mess tbh. So things like Porridge, Spaghetti Bolognese, Shepherds pie etc. Distraction does seem to help too but I try not to make a habit of it unless he's getting tired and doesn't want to sit in the highchair or at the table. Eldest was a very poor eater and I did spoon feed until he was about 3 but he would eat fruit and snacks himself. Will he feed himself a snack like fruit or crisps? Does he eat proper food or is it still baby food?

1. Mine does still have a night time bottle. He necks it in about 3 minutes so not bothered about damage to teeth etc. My eldest had a bottle until about 2, then we changed to one of them no spill cups but he stopped bedtime milk all together not long after because I don't think he liked it. Will probably try toddler with the same type of cup soon.

1. No nothing to track progress, I kind of just think back to when my eldest did things, he's slightly behind where he was at his age but I'm not concerned.

1. Doesn't go to preschool yet but I will most likely send him in September. My eldest loved it when he started and things like his speech etc came on leaps and bounds.

1. He seems to be starting to understand and will come over to me and tell me he's done a poo, I'd say he does this about 80% of the time right now. I think he will be ready soon. As with PP, I will put a potty out to get him used to sitting on it to start with. Eldest took a while to get started but was out of pull ups during the day by 2.5. Pull up at night until 4 though.

1. He still naps once a day from 11-12. No issues with him going to bed as yet so will let him keep napping until it does. If he has a lie in any later than 7.30am, he won't normally nap though. My eldest stopped napping when he started nursery because he couldn't nap there, there was too much distraction.

1. My eldest went into a toddler bed at 2 and was absolutely fine after the initial novelty of getting out of bed wore off. Toddler is no where near ready for a bed at the moment, he won't sleep with a pillow or duvet so still needs to be in a sleep sack, and he hasn't figured out how to get out the cot yet (despite being a climber) so I figure he's safe in there for a bit longer. I also don't think he would just stay in bed and go to sleep, he would probably try and climb up on all the furniture and the windowsill.

A lot depends on the child. I have two children.

My toddler still doesn't self feed & relies on me to spoon fed him. Should I be worried as he is 20 months old? He has a habit of needing a distraction when eating!?

• We did blw so they have always feed themselves. I wouldn’t distract to feed. How does eat toast and fruit?

My toddler still has a bottle for his night time milk. When I stopped his morning milk in a bottle he refused to have it in a cup. Is it okay he is still using a bottle at this age (he doesn't suck on it for too long & I brush his teeth afterwards). When did your toddler stop using bottles? Is 2 years old too late to stop a bottle?

• DD1 last had a bottle at 13 months. DD2 has never had a bottle. At this age they don’t need milk but they do need 350 mg of calcium.

Do you use anything to track the progress of your toddlers development?
This is a bit obsessive of me but I used Mary Sheridan books ‘Birth to 5’

How did you find your little one got on when they started pre-school? I am considering whether to send my toddler to pre-school when he turns 2 years old.

• DD1 started nursery at a year but DD2 at 2 because I didn’t want her first separation from us to be school nursery. It was a hard transition but that was mostly due to lockdown.

When did you start potty training with your toddler?

• Around second birthday, it was perfect for DD1 but a bit early for DD2 but she was refusing nappies


• Around second birthday for DD1, DD2 still occasionally has one at near 3


• They were always in a bed, moved to their own low small double around 20 months

4yo & nearly 18mo

1. Both of mine did BLW. DS1 was great with a spoon and was using one consistently for most things by 12mo. DS2 mostly uses his hands but does use a spoon/fork for most things. I spoon feed his Weetabix in the morning because I haven't got time for the mess!
2. Stopped bottles at 12mo and switched to sippy cup
3. Nope
4. They both went to private nursery at 1yo due to work - DS1 came back out until 2 as I was made redundant and couldn't afford to keep him in. Preschool starts at 3 round here but I suspect this might be one of those weird quirks where everything calls things different names.

5/6/7 - all around 2.5 for DS1, we had a busy autumn that year. Will be aiming for around the same age with DS2.

Thank you all for all your responses back! It's been very helpful!

I wanted to ask:

1. Can any of you suggest any good cups to use to transition from a bottle? Did you use a soft spout sippy cup after the bottle at all?

1. Did you find your toddlers day time nap lessened over time? So from 2h did it reduced over time?

1. When did you introduce a fork & knife to your toddler?

Thank you again! It's much appreciated!

1. Just an IKEA plastic open cup and adult help!
2. Never, for us
3. Before their first birthday and metal ones by 2

I have 2 children.

The first was lazy and liked to be spoon fed. Daycare sorted that out as they wouldn’t pander to it! The second refused to be spoon fed from pretty much the get go.

No bottles after 1 here. DC1 went off drinking milk completely so had to ensure plenty of dairy in her diet. DC2 guzzles it happily from a sippy cup.

I use the CDC milestone tracker app as recommended by paediatrician when we lived in the US. It’s good and very easy to use.

My first started daycare at 15 months. My second will start at the pre school attached to DC1’s school at 2.5 years since I’m now at home.

Potty training at 2.5 years, reliably dry during the day very quickly, not dry at night until almost 4. Youngest hasn’t started yet as they’re only 1.

Nap dropped cold turkey at 3.5 years when we moved back to the U.K. and the preschool didn’t do nap time. Americans are very big on napping so it had been 2 hours every day until then.

Eldest had a single bed at 2.5 years, never used a cot bed. Youngest is still in the cot.

I used a soft spouted cup for water during early weaning, moved on to 360 cups at about 7/8 months. My 14MO can drink out of an open cup but he’s prone to throwing it when no longer thirsty so we mostly use the 360!

No experience with nap length reducing (see above).

Fork and spoon from 1YO. We’re really trying with a knife with the 4YO but they’re a bit resistant to doing their own cutting, unsurprisingly as they were lazy about feeding themselves as a baby too!!

Hi, both my DD liked the Philips avent cup with a soft spout on but honestly I bought so many cups til I found the one they liked. DD1 had a bottle til about 1 year then had the soft spout cup. DD2 dropped all bottles & milk at 8 months so just had water in the cup from then.

Both my DD just dropped naps, can't say I noticed it reducing or anything at around 2 (DD2 was a bit longer probably a bit after 2 & she sometimes still does now in the car at 2.5years).

Introducing fork at around 12 months perhaps? DD who is 4 uses a knife now, but not accurately or anything but just as practice.

Both potty trained by 2 years 3 months.

DD1 in single bed at 2.5 years but she is exceptionally tall & the cot got too small (plus I needed it for DD2). DD2 is 2.5years & maybe buy a bed by the end of the summer for her.

Both in preschool at just over 3 as that's how the system works in my area.

They are all so different, definitely not a one size fits all answer.
Here's the answers based on my son who is now nearly 5.

1. My toddler still doesn't self feed & relies on me to spoon fed him. Should I be worried as he is 20 months old? He has a habit of needing a distraction when eating!? No need to be worried, my son was barely interested in solids until around 18 months. As he approached 2 his eating improved a-lot and now can eat for England and used a knife and fork really well.

1. My toddler still has a bottle for his night time milk. When I stopped his morning milk in a bottle he refused to have it in a cup. Is it okay he is still using a bottle at this age (he doesn't suck on it for too long & I brush his teeth afterwards). When did your toddler stop using bottles? Is 2 years old too late to stop a bottle? Not too late. Better to try and stop it soon though as it does get harder to stop it. Try offering it in a cup, the 360 cup was always a good one. One day I just stopped the bottles. Once my son realised his milk was no longer coming in a bottle he soon got over it.

1. Do you use anything to track the progress of your toddlers development? No, you can look up the ASQ (ages and stages questions) that the health visitors use but best thing is to ask your health visitor or childrens centre if you want more tailored advise. Everyone normally gets a 2 year review.

1. How did you find your little one got on when they started pre-school? I am considering whether to send my toddler to pre-school when he turns 2 years old. My son started when he got the free funding the term after he turned 3. He loves it.

1. When did you start potty training with your toddler? Tried at 2.8 months but he wasn't ready. Left it a couple of months and tried again at 2.10 months and he got it within a week.

1. When did your toddler drop their main nap? About a week after his turned 3!

1. What age did you transition them from a cot to a bed? Was this a normal adult bed or a toddler low bed? Age 3, his was a cot bed and we took the sides off. Then at 3.5 we got a low single bed and he loves it and sleeps so much better!