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Original poster

Child maintenance advice

10 replies

Babygirlmum · 19/04/2022 16:50

Does anybody have any advice on child maintenance? My ex broke up with me when I was 11 weeks pregnant and made the decision of not being a part of our daughters life, I have now had my baby girl she is 3 weeks old and I am worried to claim child maintenance incase he thinks I'm only out for money out of him, I didn't want to claim child maintenance from him as I am not that person however the way he has handled this situation in regards to not wanting to be a part of his daughters life I think it's only right he pays his way, I think if I go ahead with this his family will want me to get a paternity test and try to make my life hard for claiming CM off him, I don't want to have to do this but he needs to pay for his child and what he's done, has anybody ever experienced this type of situation before? Oh and as far as I'm aware he doesn't even know she's born yet as he's blocked me off everything and told me he doesn't want no involvement so I didn't try to get in content with him when I had her.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 19/04/2022 16:52

You don't need to justify to anyone why you are claiming maintenance that rightfully belongs to your child. Put in the claim and let the process happen. He can pay for a DNA test if he wants one.

LittleOwl153 · 19/04/2022 17:05

Put in the claim through the Child Maintenace Service. He will either accept the claim or deny it - in which case he will be offered a paternity test which he will have to pay for.

You child is entitled to the support of her father financially even if he doesn't want anything else do do with her. It is up to him if he shares the news with his family.

Movingonup22 · 19/04/2022 17:07

What kind of person is the type of person who requires that a parent actually contributes to feeding and clothing their child?

It’s so sad how much some women internalise misogyny.

Of course he should pay and you owe it to your daughter and yourself to require that he contributes.

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Comedycook · 19/04/2022 17:10

I didn't want to claim child maintenance from him as I am not that person

What does this mean? Confused

Oh I get it...you've believed the shit men spout that women who expect the father's of their children to contribute financially are all gold diggers.

Well let me suggest you get this nonsense out of your head and put in a claim for cm pronto.

gogohm · 19/04/2022 17:27

You are completely entitled to claim but I would consider a couple of things - how long had you been together and was the pregnancy planned? If unplanned whose contraception failed? If a very short time and the condom split I have a lot more sympathy for him not wanting to be a father and thus not putting him on the birth certificate even than a long relationship, baby planned and he runs off with a young colleague. Only you know the situation, was it an oops and you wanted to go ahead?

Rainbowqueeen · 19/04/2022 17:31

Put in a claim with cms. Your DD is entitled to that money. If you don’t need to use it right away then save it until she is older.

He made the decision to have sex. That comes with consequences. Merely paying cms is getting off lightly.
Block contact from his family. Your focus needs to be you and DD. What they want does not matter

pastaandpesto · 19/04/2022 17:32

@gogohm

You are completely entitled to claim but I would consider a couple of things - how long had you been together and was the pregnancy planned? If unplanned whose contraception failed? If a very short time and the condom split I have a lot more sympathy for him not wanting to be a father and thus not putting him on the birth certificate even than a long relationship, baby planned and he runs off with a young colleague. Only you know the situation, was it an oops and you wanted to go ahead?
No.

This sort of thinking reinforces the idea that maintenance is for the benefit of the mother. It isn't. It is for the benefit of the child. The circumstances surrounding the child's conception are completely irrelevant.

Comedycook · 19/04/2022 17:43

@gogohm

You are completely entitled to claim but I would consider a couple of things - how long had you been together and was the pregnancy planned? If unplanned whose contraception failed? If a very short time and the condom split I have a lot more sympathy for him not wanting to be a father and thus not putting him on the birth certificate even than a long relationship, baby planned and he runs off with a young colleague. Only you know the situation, was it an oops and you wanted to go ahead?
This advice is nonsense. Fwiw, whether the child was conceived via a long term relationship or fling or one night stand is completely irrelevant. The child cannot exist on fresh air. He had sex with her and a child exists. He needs to pay maintenance.
Allthegoodusernamesareused · 19/04/2022 18:09

Both parents have a moral duty to support a child financially, and to that end, you are well within your rights to make a claim through the CMS, assuming that you are not able to come to an agreement with the father directly.

The issues of contact and maintenance are completely separate IMO, and shouldn't be conflated. Just because he doesn't want to see her doesn't mean he shouldn't support her.

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 19/04/2022 19:28

Thankyou for all your reply's he hasn't taken the situation of me being pregnant lightly so he's going to hate it when I claim CMs off him but it's true she's his daughter regardless of weather he wants to see her or not, she is now 3 weeks old and he doesn't know she exists on this earth yet but I know I am gonna hard a process and a hard job ahead of me as I know he will want a paternity test just to be a idiot and his family get into his head saying the baby might not be yours because it's what type of people they are!

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