3YO DS doesn't seem to know when he needs to go?

[PottyTrainingDisaster]

I know I am about to receive a thrashing, but my son is now 3 years and 4 months and not potty trained. We have had a few attempts at potty training and he isn't resistant to it, but he doesn't seem to now when he needs to 'go'. He will sit on the potty (sometimes for quite a long period of time) and nothing will happen, but then he will have an accident in his pants soon afterwards. This could be a wee or a poo.
He is finding this very disheartening (as are we, obviously) and I just wondered if anyone else had experienced this problem? I am not sure whether it is a common thing that kids grow out of, if we should just persevere and he will learn or if there is an actual problem here and we need to take him to the doctor...? Any advice would be much appreciated!

How long have you been trying? Does he respond to a reward system (eg stickers?)? Has he got another child to watch to understand what’s being asked of him?

I’ve found the most successful way to teach is to remove all clothes on the bottom half or just have a pair of loose leggings if cold, and let accidents happen rather than keeping putting them on the potty or toilet.

We have tried every couple of months since he was around 2years 8 months. Usually just for a couple of days at a time (before becoming completely disheartened / he becomes upset) but most recently we went a full 6 days with absolutely no improvement.
He sits on the toilet at the childminders, but never actually when he needs to go. All of his friends are potty / toilet trained and he sees other kids using the potty/ loo regularly. I also use the toilet in front of him sometimes, but he has no siblings.
When he was younger he did used to hide somewhere if he needed a poo (so he obviously used to know when he had to go for one) but for at least 6 months now he hasn't told us when he has been for one and if you ask him he says he hasn't had one. We thought that this was because he just didn't want his nappy changing (too busy playing etc) but now we're wondering if he just doesn't realise he has been at all...

He's stil well within a reasonable age for being in nappies, I wouldn't he overly concerned but appreciate it can be hard to see other children reach milestones when your child hasn't. I second the nothing on the bottom half- preferably when the weather is nice so can be outside! It seems to raise their awareness a bit of when they are going. DS was similar as in would sit on the potty or toilet for ages and not go, but then get upset and end up going later in his pull up. We tried the outdoors method and he was dry within 2 days! Took longer overnight but I think that's hormonal, can't remember the exact age but before he was 4 was also dry whilst asleep. Also agree rewards can help, I bought some shiny stickers off of amazon and he could choose one after each poo or wee.

You can also get training nappies where the wee sits more on top of the nappy so they can feel it. Sounds weird but it means they really realise when they have been and will often say straightaway.

@DeyHuggee
@TheSnowyOwl
Thank you both so much - this is very reassuring. I posted on MN for advice with potty training a few months ago and was flogged for leaving it too late (maybe true, but clearly not helpful!) so I was expecting the same again! I have even changed my username in case people are too rough with me!
We are trying the training pants today but he still didn't seem to realise when he did a poo in them? At this stage I am genuinely not sure whether he genuinely doesn't realise he has been or if he just doesn't mind being in a dirty nappy so that he can try to carry on playing etc. I know that sounds crazy, but he is incredibly headstrong!

It is really cold here at the moment but I suppose if we don't crack it this time we could try the outdoor method when it is sunny

We’re currently trying to potty train our boy, he’s 3yrs 2 months.
Tried about 3/4 months ago, totally thought he was ready and it was a disaster. He’s really resistant. Screams and cries when you ask him if he needs a wee.

@Sexnotgender
Yikes - you have my sympathy!
DS seems pretty into the idea of sitting on the potty / toilet but after a couple of accidents in the course of the day he becomes really reluctant :o(
What sort of method are you going for at the moment?

My DS is 4 in June - we have been trying to potty training for over a year. We found that pull-ups didn't help at all, as he just viewed them as a nappy. At Christmas we decided to go for it properly & removed all nappies/pull-ups (except at night). It has been really hard, really hard but we are making progress.
We've found he does know when he needs to go, but is often to busy/distracted or thinks he can wait/hold it & so ends ip having an accident. But we are going much longer between accidents now.
A travel potty has helped when out & about, potties/steps in bathrooms also good.
We use a sticker reward chart & when he completes a chart he gets a small toy.
Good luck - you have my sympathy as it is just so disheartening but you will get there.

[quote PottyTrainingDisaster]@DeyHuggee
@TheSnowyOwl
Thank you both so much - this is very reassuring. I posted on MN for advice with potty training a few months ago and was flogged for leaving it too late (maybe true, but clearly not helpful!) so I was expecting the same again! I have even changed my username in case people are too rough with me!
We are trying the training pants today but he still didn't seem to realise when he did a poo in them? At this stage I am genuinely not sure whether he genuinely doesn't realise he has been or if he just doesn't mind being in a dirty nappy so that he can try to carry on playing etc. I know that sounds crazy, but he is incredibly headstrong!

It is really cold here at the moment but I suppose if we don't crack it this time we could try the outdoor method when it is sunny[/quote]
I think all children are different, it's hard not to put pressure on stuff but as cliche as it sounds it is so much easier when they're actually ready. It is much easier when it's sunny just as less clean up! He will get there, my neighbours little one was 4 and a bit but honestly one day she just declared she was going to the toilet and was dry from then on- this is after lots of tears, worry and frustration. Songs and stories about DS seemed to help him, he loved telling us his poo was about to escape and then ceremoniously waving it goodbye before flushing...this was after lack of any sort of awareness of having been.