My toddler is turning into a very fussy eater - where do I go from here?

[strawberrycheesecake1989]

Just that really - my 20 month old used to eat omelette (he stopped that at about 10 months), he used to eat fish fingers (that stopped at 12 months) he would accept a sandwich if he was in the buggy (he’s stopped that now too).

He more often than not just eats pasta, I try and vary in as much as possible so cheese spinach peas and penne, and then pesto pasta, tomato pasta, bolognese.
He’ll est broccoli and green beans and oranges

Typical day would be some variation of porridge and sometimes both lunch and dinner is pasta.

I keep offering different stuff but he’ll point blank refuse and I’d rather he ate then didn’t eat at all.

Do I just go for it and let him eat pasta often? Or am i encouraging him to become more and more fussy?

Please help!!

I mean, what you are giving him is healthy. Carbs, vegetables, fats…maybe a bit more protein needed? (Although, assuming the bolognese is meat or quorn, there is some there) but generally his diet is good, so I wouldn’t worry about that aspect.

With regards to stopping/preventing fussiness, I don’t think there is a right or wrong to be honest. We go to the opposite approach to you. DS (23 months) gets what we have and if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t get anything else. We tolerate him potentially being hungry until his next snack or meal. But there’s isn’t a proven strategy, it’s just what sits right with you and if you rather he ate, then that’s your decision made, I suppose.

Thanks so much for your response @AliceW89

Yeah your approach is what my husband thinks we should do. I think my problem is that my DS was born on the 2nd centile for his weight due to some issues I had towards the end of my pregnancy. He’s now just under 50th for his weight but I can’t shake my obsession with making sure he’s eaten enough as I used to really obsess over his weight. I know that’s my problem and not his!

Thanks for sharing! I think we’ll give that a go

IME it’s a phase they go through. My 4 year old is in it now. She eats everything put in front of her at nursery, including vegetables, but refuses everything bar a couple of dishes at home.
My 7 year old went through it as well and is now a great eater and will try everything once.
As the PP said I don’t think there is a ‘right’ way to deal with it. We try not to make it a battle and offer toast, cheese and crackers and fruit if meals are refused.
Weve also found putting very small portions out help. I think they feel so overwhelmed if there’s a lot and are more likely to try a single slice of carrot rather than take one from a whole pile.
Solidarity OP because it’s frustrating, exhausting and worrying!

@strawberrycheesecake1989

Thanks so much for your response *@AliceW89*

Yeah your approach is what my husband thinks we should do. I think my problem is that my DS was born on the 2nd centile for his weight due to some issues I had towards the end of my pregnancy. He’s now just under 50th for his weight but I can’t shake my obsession with making sure he’s eaten enough as I used to really obsess over his weight. I know that’s my problem and not his!

Thanks for sharing! I think we’ll give that a go

And just in response to this. I felt the same with my first as she was prem so really tiny when she was born. I think you need to do what feels right. You know your child best. My DH thinks nothing else should be offered but when we have occasionally tried that she wouldn’t sleep for ages as she was hungry, or worse wake in the night! So for me personally I’m happier that they have something rather than nothing.

I had a very skinny toddler (no health issues just naturally very skinny). I used to offer whatever the meal was, and then if she really wouldn't eat it she got a piece of fruit/veg and a slice of bread with butter and cheese (or something else that took no effort and hardly any time and wasn't especially interesting but she would eat). She was well below the 2nd centile though so I didn't want her not eating.

I personally think the main thing is that nobody should get stressed/cross/worried. Once a parent does this, the whole thing can easily turn into an interesting game. Just keep offering whatever the food is and don't turn it into a battle of wills. If you feel better and calmer offering food then think of something very boring and easy which he will eat and offer a small amount of that later on.

When my toddlers had fads of not eating lunch went into a flashy lunch box at the table! Even hot food!! Always better received!

@strawberrycheesecake1989

Thanks so much for your response *@AliceW89*

Yeah your approach is what my husband thinks we should do. I think my problem is that my DS was born on the 2nd centile for his weight due to some issues I had towards the end of my pregnancy. He’s now just under 50th for his weight but I can’t shake my obsession with making sure he’s eaten enough as I used to really obsess over his weight. I know that’s my problem and not his!

Thanks for sharing! I think we’ll give that a go

No worries. Yes, we are lucky that DS has never had weight issues and generally eats pretty well, so I am more confident not offering alternatives. Lunch tends to be the one he’ll occasionally turn his nose up at - if he does I’ll just give him a slightly bigger afternoon snack and potentially a big earlier. But as I said, there really isn’t a right or wrong’ - go with whatever you are comfortable with x

*bit earlier

My granddaughter is a really tricky eater. She generally eats everything at nursery but is really fussy and doesn’t eat very much at home!
She will eat pasta with pesto,cheese ,cherry tomatoes,marmite toast and that is about it carbs wise !!
She loves fruit !
I really wouldn’t worry and don’t let him know it bothers you !

Just keep offering. No stress and tiny portions of a new or now disliked food are ok, with the ability to help self serve more if they like something is good.

In my limited experience you can never be sure if something that was liked is now disgusting or something disgusting is now acceptable. Picking it up off the plate to put it on my plate still counts as interacting with the food. Plus helping in the kitchen to prepare can help as there is no expectation to eat the food, they can just touch it, smell it etc

And sometimes mayonnaise and apples a snack...

That sounds like a good range of foods for a toddler. The advice I received that worked with my DS's rigid eating was to completely cut stress and conflict from meals. I should very gradually offer new foods, separate but alongside his main meal. He either eats them or not, no big deal either way and always give him what he will eat as the main meal. The dietician also said don't go too different for the extras plate. Something that's not too big a leap is more likely to be a success. That was over 20 years ago and although DS is still very fussy (and since diagnosed with autism) he can usually find something acceptable at a cafe or similar.

@AliceW89

I mean, what you are giving him is healthy. Carbs, vegetables, fats…maybe a bit more protein needed? (Although, assuming the bolognese is meat or quorn, there is some there) but generally his diet is good, so I wouldn’t worry about that aspect.

With regards to stopping/preventing fussiness, I don’t think there is a right or wrong to be honest. We go to the opposite approach to you. DS (23 months) gets what we have and if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t get anything else. We tolerate him potentially being hungry until his next snack or meal. But there’s isn’t a proven strategy, it’s just what sits right with you and if you rather he ate, then that’s your decision made, I suppose.

My eldest is nearly 4 and we've always done this too - give a meal and that's it then until next snack/meal time. The only exception is there is always some sort of dessert offered after evening meal with her bedtime milk, but if she's not really eaten dinner it will be something like nuts, cheese, yoghurt, or fruit, definitely not 'treat' food. And only one portion, if she asks for more she is redirected back to her dinner if she's hungry. We do give her some choices though - she always has a choice of cereal and fruit for breakfast depending on what we've got in. Will usually give her a choice of sandwich filling for lunch too or a choice of how she wants her eggs etc. It's mostly evening meal that is like it or lump it as I'm not cooking more than one meal.

She's always been a fussy eater, so I can't say it stopped that, but she's also not daft and her eating would be even worse if we pandered to her. She's a real pusher when it comes to any kind of boundary so I know she would push and push if we gave her alternatives and it wouldn't end well. She definitely started eating more at meal times when we started quite a strict snack routine too to prevent loads of snacking between meals.

You are doing great keep offering, keep up the variety. I have two ND kids with sensory issues and they have been incredibly slow to diversify their tastes. Slow and steady got them on track eventually and they eat an incredible variety now. There were times I could have pulled my hair out with them because my other child wasn’t a much better eater.

They eat curries, sushi, tex mex, Italian, all sorts of other food too and levels of spice or texture is improving all the time.

I did invest in a soup maker early on and I make almost all dishes with a vegetable base made in the soup maker (squash, sweet potatoes, courgettes, onions, broccoli, peppers, onions, garlic, chilli) so I always knew they were getting tonnes of nutrients.

Hopefully your son will be much quicker than my lot.

Honestly, it's not you, it's kids. A lot of them around that age realise that they can say no to things and do a bit of that, plus their growth really slows down around 2 so they can start eating a bit less because of that.

I've got three kids and two of them started being incredibly fussy at about 2, I currently have a 2.5 year old who is much worse that what you describe - she basically won't eat anything at all that isn't toast! She just throws other offerings on the floor (or at me...). I'm just staying calm and keeping offering.

One of her older brothers was exactly the same and when he turned 4 it was like a switch flipped, he suddenly started eating different things and proper meals and it was such a relief. And this was a child who ate almost nothing. He's now my best eater and im hoping my daughter just figures it out herself eventually.

Don't stress, it achieves precisely nothing and often makes the situation worse. Appear cheerfully uninvested at mealtimes, put the meal out and if they eat it then great, if they don't then that's fine too. It's not easy but making mealtimes a battleground can cause problems down the line.

I agree with offer what you’ve cooked but don’t make a fuss if he doesn’t eat it. Don’t be too quick to offer an alternative, it’s ok if he’s hungry leading up to the next meal. I’m not saying starve him it’s just I read a post here a while back from an OP who had taken the advice to offer eg toast as give him the option of what you’ve cooked OR toast as opposed to if he won’t eat it and is hungry LATER give him something he’ll eat but isn’t terribly exciting and couldn’t understand why this wasn’t improving the situation. The child’s favourite food was toast !

Most of them go through this phase and it can be tempting to carry on giving them the pasta or nuggets or whatever their favourite is just because you’re relieved he’s eating something but I think the more you do that the less inclined they are to try anything new.

Goodness I feel you OP. My LO is 2.5years and has started refusing food she used to love. It drives me mad sometimes but I think the main thing is try not to stress (easier said than done). It sounds like your LO is getting a lot of goodness out of what he is eating so I wouldn't worry. Some things that seem to be helping us are;

Letting the LO "help" cooking
Get a booster seat rather than a high chair
Eat together
Try putting lots of little dishes of different things out and encourage them to put them on their plate ie a bowl of pasta, some veg, bowl of grated cheese etc and then slowly introduce different things. If he doesn't bite with the new foods just keep offering next time
For lunch offer lots of snacks things like mini Oatcakes, slices of pepper, cheese, rice cakes, Grapes etc but what you're feeding him sounds great. I find on the go lunches the hardest!
No snacks unless they eat a meal
If they don't eat a meal and complain of being hungry stay calm and simply say "your hungry because you didn't finish your breakfast, now we have to wait until lunch"

Sounds like you're doing a great job though. It's so tough and I'm still navigating it too!!!!

A friend's child had one of these plates. It would have a hot bit, some veg and a pudding, all at the same time. The child ate it all up.

The main thing is not to turn meals into a battleground. Just be chilled and if they don't like it then offer plain bread and butter. Try not to worry about the weight.

Mine are teenagers and eat everything. Show no fear ! Or they will quickly use food as a means to wind you up.

www.ecodinnerset.com/products/personalized-wooden-bamboo-suction-baby-plates-for-toddlers/

We're in the same phase. Gone off sandwiches, crackers and now broccoli. But still eats loads of veg. The weirdest thing is that she'll eat brown bread toast but not white bread toast🤷🏼‍♀️so could try and change different versions of it? (Toasted bread?)
No advice but to show your not alone in this! Hopefully they'll change again and then when they're in their teens, probably be eating McDonald's or something ridiculous 😂

We have an 18 month old and she now seems to eat fine at nursery but get her home and its akin to a full on negotiation, back and forth with various dishes, some of which she ends up throwing on the floor or at us! Good to read we are very much not alone :)

I wouldn’t offer pasta twice a day otherwise he is never getting exposed to other meals. I would offer pasta a few times a week and offer other meals in its place