shouting at my children. Help needed! not overly confident parent at the moment...

[supadoula]

Hello to all mumnetters!
I have been shouting a lot at my DD and DS recently and I find that my tolerance level is really low. Everytime I do it, I promise myself I won't do it again but it seems to happen over and over again.
Has anybody got any useful techniques to stop me repeating the pattern?
I guess I am not very confident in my parenting skills especially after my DS aged 2 1/2 ran off from DD school yesterday and somebody picked him up in the street and brought him back.....

Right count to ten before you say anything to them when they are being naughty - it is easy just to shout - try and think and say something in a nice tone - something constructive that they can learn from - get down to their level and say it in a nice voice.

Thier behaviour is often a reflection of yours - I have a friend who has a daughter from hell but the poor little kid doesn't know if her mum loves her or not one minute she is all sweetness and light toher and the next she is shouting and swearing at her.

I often feel like Mary Poppins - in my head I am shouting look you little sod I don;t care if Tin Tin hasn't finished get bloody well dressed - whilst I am smiling and initiating a play fight to get him dressed whilst letting him continue watching it for a few minutes longer.

It will become habit believe me - DH says Oooohh you've gone all Mary Poppins sometimes because he knows my real me voice is cursing away inside my head.

Above all never speak to them in a way you wouldn't like to be spoken to and always explain why you want them to do things not just issue orders.

I find it works for me most of the time - well until I can put them to bed and crack open the vino!

Good Luck

supadoula - i am afraid i am going to be of very little help here as i am in the same boat as you. I have 4 kids eldest 6.6 yrs and i feel as though i am constantly shouting. That is probably because i am .
I will be folllowing this post with interest!
Our situation is made worse by my Scottish dh who manages to make everything sound as though it is a very loud order, and it all erupts into chaos - it is horrible and i hate it - although we had a pretty good day today.
Twinkie1 - oh crap - i hope my kids know how much i love them - your friends poor dd - that makes me feel so sad.

supadoula- sorry - the point of this post is that i know how you feel.

I have discovered what those relaxation breathing exercises they teach you at antenatal classes are for.

No help at all in labour, but are good for ignoring a tantrum in public and for calming down when you are about to lose it with the DC's.

Doesn't always work, sometimes it's too late when I remember to BREATHE, but it does help.

Will also watch this thread with interest. Know exactly how you feel supadoula, I could have written your post and particularly identify with the promising not to do it again bit.

Have you got a dh or partner to help you or are you on your own?

What I find difficult is actually putting the techniques into practice, they sound good and make sense when I watch them in the evening on Supernanny etc when I'm relaxed and having a glass of wine & dc sleeping peacefully. Not quite so easy the next morning when they are being objectionable and refusing to eat breakfast/get dressed/brush teeth.

tips here

There was a thread about this yesterday with lots of useful tips. Think the OP had gone a bit further than just shouting but it resulted in lots of really useful info and tips on how to stay sane.
Its certainly helped me

Thanks! I'll have a look at the other thread. it's nice to know other people are in the same boat, clarahj!
As they say, everyday is a new day so I'll start again tomorrow with good resolutions