3 month old sleep, thinking the next to me crib isn't as good as we thought?

[Chachama]

My DS turned 12 weeks a few days ago, and I feel our sleep is getting progressively worse and worse. We are formula feeding and he dropped that night feed a week ago himself, had an amazing first night sleep where he slept 8:30-5am only stirring twice for very short periods and settled with the dummy.
Since then the sleep has been horrendous. Basically from 2-4am he just shakes his head from side to side and moves his arms, but still appears half asleep with eyes shut and seems like he desperately wants to go back to sleep. This sometimes goes on for hours without him crying, and sometimes he will eventually cry. Sometimes he does settle with a hand hold but most of the time I have to lift him out of the next to me crib and cuddle him where he will always fall straight back to sleep, but often wakes back up when I set him back down. I find sometimes he stirs and knocks the side of the next to me and it's so noisy because of the material it wakes him more.

By 4-5am I usually give up and bring him in to bed as I've only manages about 2 hours sleep. I don't mind this but I don't want to sleep the whole night with him in my bed.

Im just wondering if the next to me crib isn't very comfy and his attempts at self settling are because of this and would he be better off in a cot in our room? We have a cot bed that won't fit so would look at buying a new one which is slightly smaller. Does anyone have any experience of something similar or any advice for a very tired first time mum?

Have you tried feeding him when he’s stirring? You say he dropped the feed but are you sure he doesn’t want it, considering he keeps waking. He seems young to have dropped his night feed (but I don’t know about formula feeding, so might be different).

I have a 5 month old who is in a next to me too. She wakes at least twice during the night. I usually breastfeed her and she goes back to sleep quickly, (although she doesn’t seem as comfortable in the next to me any more as she rolls over and sometimes can’t find a comfortable spot).

12 weeks is young to drop and overnight feed and the head and arm movements sound like hunger cues to me. I would feed him and see if that makes a difference.

My experience of babies is that they really want to be cuddled up to mum and whatever else they find tolerable varies a lot. I wouldn’t waste your money on another crib that will only be used for a short time. If you want to test if he finds the cot bad mattress more comfortable, try him on it for a daytime nap or sleep in that room with him one night and see what happens.

Feed him! 12 weeks is very young to drop night feeds altogether. Sleep isn't linear - just because he did something for a few nights doesn't mean that's how it will be forever. It changes a lot in the first year. There will be numerous phases where sleep changes.

He's a baby, they all prefer being cuddled to sleep. The last few hours of the night are the hardest for them to sleep as they are less tired.

I don’t think the next to me is comfy, we had a similar problem to you. It has a metal ridge down the middle. We put ours in the proper cot by that stage (in our room) and they slept like the proverbial babies!! Also don’t think 12 weeks is that early to drop the night feed, ours had dropped them by 8weeks, it just depends on the baby.

Yes, mine did this at the same age! He was sleeping through too. Grunting, wriggling, head shaking. In his case, he used head shaking to self settle, if he woke in the night from being about 3 months to about a year old he would shake his head vigorously from side to side a couple of times until he fell asleep again. I read somewhere that it stimulates the same receptors as rocking does. He grew out of it.

@Hugasauras

Feed him! 12 weeks is very young to drop night feeds altogether. Sleep isn't linear - just because he did something for a few nights doesn't mean that's how it will be forever. It changes a lot in the first year. There will be numerous phases where sleep changes.

I feed him and he takes 1-3oz at an absolute push overnight and turns in to a bit of a battle to try and feed him even that so he's definitely not hungry. It also makes no difference to his stirring. I've even tried offering him the bottle every time he needs cuddling but he refuses and just goes straight back to sleep when held. I would actually be glad if it was hunger because at least then he would feed and go back down

@Hugasauras

Feed him! 12 weeks is very young to drop night feeds altogether. Sleep isn't linear - just because he did something for a few nights doesn't mean that's how it will be forever. It changes a lot in the first year. There will be numerous phases where sleep changes.

I feed him and he takes 1-3oz at an absolute push overnight and turns in to a bit of a battle to try and feed him even that so he's definitely not hungry. It also makes no difference to his stirring. I've even tried offering him the bottle every time he needs cuddling but he refuses and just goes straight back to sleep when held. I would actually be glad if it was hunger because at least then he would feed and go back down 

I could have written your post myself except mine is breastfed and in a cot. She generally thrashes her head from side to side at the moment with her eyes shut but doesn't wake up. However, when she does this in the pram bassinet, her hands whack off the sides and she does wake up. I also found this with the moses basket (what a waste of money) that we gave up on weeks ago. I'd recommend the cot. My wee one only started sleeping better when we moved her into it. When she's fussy, I just move it beside the bed and I can still put a hand on her tummy or hold her hand. We just bought the cheapest one from IKEA because it was natural wood with no chemicals, and it's been great.

(We also dropped the night feeds at 8 weeks)

We got rid of the next2me crib pretty early and moved the big cot into our room. I thought it was overrated and didn't look comfortable at all.

The behaviour your describing sounds like active sleep. When baby is asleep but moving around and groaning etc. Perfectly normal part of a young babies sleep cycles.

I mean, you could certainly try him in a separate cot and see if it's any better, but it's perfectly normal for a 12 week old to want feeding (or even just reassurance) overnight, and not to self settle (only about 20% of babies can at this age).

I also agree what you are describing sounds like active sleep - he is likely asleep when this is happening, if it disturbs you, a separate cot might be best.

Sleeping in your arms then waking up when put down is totally normal new born behaviour. It is frustrating but most babies just want to be held. I never cracked it with dd1. Agree with PPs though that he is unlikely to have dropped a night feed, just had a night where he didn't wake up. Try offering a bottle again and seeing if he settles. Could also be a bit cold. The nights are warmer for us but he might still need a warm grobag/blanket layers etc.

Our DD does this alot throughout the night. Shes 4.5 months and dropped the night feed a few weeks ago.
She also has silent reflux and this can often set her off with the wriggling.
She makes the most irritating noises, thumping the mattress with her hands and feet, lifting her legs up and swinging them out the edge as we have the side down and general moaning and fidgiting.
Apparently this is all part of the normal sleep cycles and is super common.
She will do all of this with her eyes firmly shut. It can last 30mims or so and then she will go back to a deep sleep.
From what we were told its normal.
Its bloody annoying anf it does keep me awake as i am a paranoid first time mum.
DH sleeps through it.
12 weeks is a bit early to drop the night feed though? Can you try and dream feed maybe?

I have been thinking for a while he has silent reflux but those symptoms do seem to have eased recently. Think it might be something I just need to put up with and try to sleep through.
He does have a dream feed around 10:30pm and that doesn't seem to make a difference. Also tried feeding him in the night but he really is not interested in it the last 5 nights. I didn't seem to think 12 weeks was early for a formula fed baby to drop a night feed? Everyone I seem to speak to did it around 8 weeks

Sleeps changes all the time. Just because they started sleeping through or for long periods, don't expect them to continue in this way. It can quickly change week by week.
I don't think it's the cot. I would try and introduce a dream feed as others have suggested. Your baby is still very young and multiple wake ups is normal.

The mattress of the Chico next to me is too hard.

We replaced it and had more success with one from Amazon that was still firm and appropriate for a baby (it was just a bit thicker).

I co slept safely with both of mine and it saved my sanity!! I did get the next to me with my second but it was a total waste of money.

Have you thought about putting him in his own room so nothing disturbs him? My little boy was getting a bit big for his Next2Me which we moved to another part of our bedroom when he was 4 weeks because us moving in bed would wake him sometimes! When I realised he was outgrowing his crib I just bit the bullet at 4 months and put him in his own room. He either sleeps through from 7pm or wakes once in the night (3/4am) for a feed and goes back off til 8ish. He’s 7 months best thing we did was move him out of our room.