Please tell me it gets easier?

[anxxxiousallthetime]

Relationship with partner wise. DS is 3.5 months old, we’re doing well but some parenting things we clash on.

DS likes to be settled a certain way and DH is worried I’m creating a habit and that he won’t go to anyone else as at the moment he only wants me to settle him. I’ve reassured him that he’ll grow out of it as he’s still so young but he doesn’t see that

I love him but right now I just feel so angry over little things he does. He gets to go to the gym, go out with friends and have freedom and not worry. I’m constantly worried about our son

I’m also starting to have intrusive thoughts. I suffered with them as a kid but now I just constantly worry something bad will happen. I ran out of the shower the other day and nearly fell and whacked my head because I couldnt shake the thought that a blanket had appeared in the bedside cot (where he was) and was suffocating him - there wasn’t any in there I hadn’t put one in

I feel like I’ve been on such a high these past few months and now I’m struggling a bit and I feel like a failure it’s only 3.5 months in and I’m crying over thoughts I’ve got the rest of my life being his mum. I don’t want to be a shit one I want to be the best for him not this mess that I am now

Hi op,
I just came on to say I've been where you are and it DOES get better and easier.

Is it your first baby?
I found it SUCH a shock to the system and felt like a needed a rule book that no one had written.

The sleep deprivation and sense of responsibility are things you can't prepare for and everyone reacts differently to.
You and your partner will always have differences of opinion when it comes to parenting and it's about learning how to communicate (and compromise where appropriate) to reassure and support each other through this massive adjustment and learning curve.

It's so normal to feel anxious and overwhelmed. That gets easier to, don't worry.

Everything is still so new, to baby and you and your dh. You wouldn't expect to feel settled in a new job after 3 months, and this is something so much bigger than that with far greater stresses and emotional investments.

Take a step back and look at what you've both achieved so far, be proud of the caring and devoted mum you are and give yourself a break!

You never know, you might find when dh gives his way a go that it works as well, and that way you will get a rest sometimes.

@thaimoon thank you :( he is my first baby and you’re right. Everyone says about getting no sleep with a baby but you don’t really understand until they’re here how it changes you as a person

I’m constantly snapping at DH and I feel awful I’m just so irritable

And I’m glad to hear this I’ve been so upset lately worrying if we’ll end up splitting up I guess I just need to let him try his way I’m burning out a bit because from day 1 I’ve took over and not let him do much which is my fault I just feel safest when I’m in control

Which is why I haven’t let MIL babysit him which is causing a rift between us

Hey OP. Sorry you’re feeling this way. It is totally normal. With my first I was very emotional, used to get really upset that DH wouldn’t do things my way (and MIL for that matter). I was likely controlling over it, but it’s all about instinct. You’re in full mama bear mode and that’s okay.

Have a chat with your OH. Explain that you may be neurotic, but that you’re just trying to find your balance right now. He needs to be there for you and be more present. Learn the way you do things and try to let him do some things his way. It’s super hard, but letting stuff go a little, will help a lot.

A rift with your MIL will pass. It’s hard to show vulnerability without losing that control, so set clear boundaries and say ‘right now, I need / don’t need x, but I’m really grateful and will think on it’.

The sleep deprivation is what it is. Embrace getting up in the night, see it as your purpose for now, it helps mentally rather than fighting it.

The thoughts will go too. But this will take time. Know it’s just your anxiety talking.

Sending big hugs and hope you feel better and stronger soon x

I remember that feeling and how hard it was to let go but do see if you can accept some help so you can get a little break.

Even from MIL! Ultimately everyone involved has your little ones best interests at heart. And it's good for baby to be familiar with family too. You will be glad later down the line when it means you can pop to have hair done or see a friend.

And don't worry, I'm sure you and dh will work it all out. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job

Yes it does getter, becoming parents will rock the most stable of relationships. Our baby is 5 months now and we're happy again ❤️ it was nothing but squabble and tears in the first few months. Be honest. I found whatsapping from the bath a good way to explain how I'm finding motherhood to my husband, with a glass of wine too 😉

Your OH gets to go to the gym, go out with friends, etc etc...when are you being given the opportunity to do the same? Express milk if you're breast feeding (or use formula, it won't do any harm), bung your partner a bottle and get out the door for some time to yourself! If he gets that time to himself, so do you. Your will feel much better for it and resent him less which will probably help with your feelings towards him overall. You're both parents, not just you, and you both deserve time to yourselves if that's what you want.

It's like dropping a bomb sometimes but it will get better.
It can be really hard for the parent who doesn't have that attachment bond with baby. It's natural for them to choose the one who provides most care but that balance does tend to shift as they get older. You enjoy it while it lasts but do have some little breaks away (even if it's just a long bath/shower) to allow dad some bonding time.
When you feel ready to have some time out of the house without baby it will be easier for you both if he will settle with others. Completely understandable if you don't feel ready for several months though so don't let people make you feel like you are doing something wrong if you don't go off and do your own thing.

I have gym time but we have a home set up so baby comes with me and watches. DH wants to do a night just the 2 of us but I will only do that when I am ready.