Constant teasing

[AHungryCaterpillar]

What do you do about a child teasing your other child? I can’t take my son constantly teasing his little sister anymore, it’s relentless, he has done it ALL day today teasing her and winding her up to make her cry. It’s making me so frustrated listening to constant screaming and crying all day. I’ve told him off, I’ve disciplined him. Nothing works, he still does it all day long. My other children do not do this and it is peaceful when he is not around. How can I tackle this as it’s really bothering me.

Sorry x-post.

Is he able to tell you why he doesn't speak at school? I think if you're having no joy with support from the GP or school, you need to find him a private therapist. And do not ever leave him alone with his sister, ever.

I really sympathise with posters who have bad memories of teasing from older siblings, but the OP is trying to get help. I don’t think the ‘my parents didn’t do anything to stop him’ stories are applicable here.

The important thing is the OP is intervening and clamping down on it. It isn’t very nice but kids do do it.

So an 8yr old who is selective mute at school due to anxiety - do you know what he is anxious about?

He teases his little sister - does he tease any other siblings? Do they tease him (has he seen others doing it and copied behaviour)? Does he do it to get a reaction from you OP, to get your attention? Especially if little sister cries each time as a way of you jumping in to resolve it? Perhaps she is also learning to cry out to get your attention?

I really would try the "mum's helper" approach so he can feel good about himself in helping you. I wonder if he has a negative opinion of himself what with the anxiety at school.

Must be really hard OP. You do sound like you've reached the end of your tether. Any family about so you get a break at least?

I do think trying private therapy isn't a bad idea of you can afford it.

Relentless teasing is awful I had it growing up especially as a teen. Bitchy comments supposed to be funny he’s got to stop this tell him see how he’d like it all day being bullied because that’s what it is.

I'm familiar with SM. It really requires someone with special expertise to work with. Has he got a speech therapist and is that person a specialist in this area?

He's doing this for attention because he wants 1:1 time as an unmet need. The more you meet this need, the less he will tease to get your attention. If you can find a way to do more 1:1 time you can use this as a preventative method to stop the teasing which will save you time and frustration in the future. You can also teach him about empathy and that putting himself in his sister's shoes and understanding 'how she may feel being treated like this' is a good thing that has benefits. Another thing that can help is by positively encouraging him to take care of his sister's feelings and look after her. Tell him that he is a big boy and that he gets to look after her by teaching her his favorite games. This will help him to learn how to care for others and will help his self-esteem as he will feel useful & important.