8 year old deliberately broke IPad

[Hiphoptothehip]

Hi everyone,
I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost control of my children’s behaviour recently. I have a 3 year old and 8 year old. I’ve been snappy and tired and I’ve not been the best version of myself for a while. My husband works very long hours (about 70 a week) and he hasn’t been well this Easter holidays so has been able to help me even less than usual.
Anyway, my 8 year old son came running to me to say the IPad had fallen off a shelf and broken. He had sneakily got the IPad without permission so I was very cross but as he was so upset (he was actually shaking) I gave him a hug and comforted him, but told him sternly that taking the IPad without permission was not okay and he should have been more careful. This was yesterday. Today when we talked some more about it he has confessed he actually jumped on the IPad and that is why it broke. He was angry about a game he was playing. I can’t believe it, I am so upset and just feel like a complete failure. I feel like I need to reset all my parenting and have no energy to do it.
How would you deal with this? What sort of punishment would be appropriate?

Tough one as it's good he came clean. Sounds like he has surprised himself with his anger and might be worth looking into ways to address this

A long wait while you 'save up' for another conditional on some behaviour targets

I think it’s good that he told you what really happened. The punishment is that the iPad is broken and won’t be replaced. Natural consequences.

None. No punishment. Buy a pack of cards and some board games. Get some paints stickers and paper. Start having fun with your son and don't let him back on games for a couple of years. He can't handle it, and it's not his fault, he's just too young.

Cut out the screen time (easier said than done but it will be worth the energy now then facing bigger behavioural problems)
It's good he was honest with you

That doesn't sound like bad behaviour to me. He just couldn't cope with the game/ his emotions.

No punishment, the iPad is gone and that's enough.

I wouldn't punish him for this. Poor little bean has upset himself quite enough. He's only 8 and he hasn't mastered impulse control yet.

I agree with the pp: take it as an opportunity to do lots of non-techy things with them. The weather's improving now and they're at great ages for exploring, science and creativity.

Please don't call yourself a failure! You're nothing of the sort. Devices have weird effects on young kids and it can be really difficult to manage. You handled it brilliantly in my opinion, you told him it wasn't acceptable to take the iPad but you didn't withhold comfort from him when he needed it. It will be OK

Well he doesn't have an ipad now so I guess he's learnt what consequences mean.

No punishment here. You weren't going to punish him when you thought it was a careless accident. Don't punish him for honesty, when both of you know that had he not confessed he would have got away with it. If you punish him for telling you something, next time he won't tell you so he won't get in trouble.

He sounds angry and frustrated, he's demonstrated that he's lashing out and getting overwhelmed. You need to use this as a wake up call to work on strategies for helping managing his anger, if he feels overwhelmed he needs to try X.

This also has a positive benefit for coming clean. Help with with his big feelings which he can't manage at the moment.

The natural consequence either way is no ipad as its broken and no replacement anytime soon.

I mean, he did come clean presumably without prompting or you questioning his original story. Whilst of course jumping on it and lying in the first place isn't great, his eventual honesty is. He has obviously had that instilled in him and you have curated a space he feels comfortable to be honest in. The ipads gone which is punishment enough, but perhaps talk about his emotions and see if there's anyway to support.

Thank you so so much for your quick replies. I can’t tell you how much I needed some outside input. I’d got myself into a bit of a state and didn’t know what to do. I won’t replace the iPad and going forward will do more games, crafts etc. I do usually enjoy all that but feel like these last few years being stuck in the house so much, my enjoyment has been all used up if that makes sense? I used to love thinking of fun games and activities, I must get back to that.