Help! 1 yo will only co-sleep

[7788september]

Hi there, my 1 year old, who has his own cot in his room, has always woken through the night and won’t resettle without the breast. I recently went back to work which coincided with him getting several bugs from nursery so I started taking him into my bed when he woke at 11ish because otherwise I would be up with him for hours. It’s been a few weeks now and he now refuses to sleep in his cot after his first night wake, he screams very loudly (we live in a terraced house). But he drops off right away if taken into our bed. He’s obviously very big to sleep train now, but this can’t continue. Any ideas?? 😬

He's not too big to sleep train, but it will be more difficult. If you go gradual, it will take a LONG time. If you choose a more direct method, be prepared for lots of crying. You just need to decide on an approach and stick to it.

Stick him in his cot and let him scream, go in at regular intervals to settle him but don’t bring him into your bed.
Terraced house doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do this- it’s a kid crying not a house party every night.

I don't have any advice sadly but I'm all I for wait it out not cry it out. He might just need the closeness as you're apart for longer periods of time. It's natural to respond to your baby's needs. I understand you posted because you're finding it inconvenient but you're just mothering a child, don't feel bad about it- it's temporary.

Mine just joins me in my bed. I can’t bare listening to him cry in his bed because he doesn’t want to sleep alone. I would prefer he stayed in his, but I figure he will grow out of it at some point. Which he is, as some nights he’s now in own bed until 5/6am

Put a mattress on the floor in his room. Lie with him to go to sleep and then get up and leave. Repeat if he wakes. We did this with BF cosleeping DS when he was 12 months and it worked really well. He started sleeping through and we moved him into a single bed about 6 months later.

You can call it a montessori floor bed rather than mattress on the floor if you prefer

Hi OP, just wanted to say that my first one had a big reaction to me going back to work. It made him super clingy and really affected his sleep - a wise friend who'd raised her own large family told me that he understood that when he cried for me in the day I couldn't come as wasn't there, but when he cried for me at night I would come and he could see me... :(

So we did a few months of co-sleeping; I dismantled his cot and bought a cheap double bed off gumtree and slept in his room with him, just until he'd adjusted a bit to me being absent in the days.

Then when he was more used to the dynamic I chose a weekend and put his cot back up on the Friday night and got rid of the bed, and by the Monday he was back to sleeping in his cot without much drama.

If you can, try to be patient and work with him through this. For my DS it's simply that he loves me and he was feeling anxious not to see me during the days, so he wanted me more at night. If you can give him your presence in a loving reassuring way then my hunch is that it's probably healthier for him in the long-term than denying him that comfort and leaving him to tough it out alone.

Best of luck however you approach it

I don't have any advice but just want to say I'm in almost an identical situation to you so know how it feels! ❤️

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Stick him in his cot and let him scream, go in at regular intervals to settle him but don’t bring him into your bed. Terraced house doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do this- it’s a kid crying not a house party every night.

What the fuck? Why would you do this? Would you allow an adult to scream themselves to sleep??

Brutal.

veronicagoldberg depends on your stance- I think it’s poor parenting to let a toddler wake every couple of hours, sleep is vital. I didn’t do cry it out I did controlled crying - not for everyone but hey don’t complain if you don’t want to do it and are rocking your 7 year old to sleep for an hour every night or co sleeping with a 5 yr old.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

veronicagoldberg depends on your stance- I think it’s poor parenting to let a toddler wake every couple of hours, sleep is vital. I didn’t do cry it out I did controlled crying - not for everyone but hey don’t complain if you don’t want to do it and are rocking your 7 year old to sleep for an hour every night or co sleeping with a 5 yr old.

Don't be ridiculous. It's not either or.

I would never allow my children to cry and BF and coslept with them both. Both my 7 year old and my 5 year old go to sleep in their own beds on their own before 7:30 every night and have done since the age of 18 months.

It is possible to cosleep and move to sleeping independently without crying or drama OP.

It is possible to cosleep and move to sleeping independently without crying or drama OP I agree but I do think it’s more child dependent. I had to train my eldest, my youngest never had to (she’s 17 months now and happily talking herself to sleep in her cot, not a tear in sight).
I really don’t think my eldest crying for 3 nights at 8 months old (we’ve me going in every 10mins)- out of the 1700 odd nights she’s gone to bed have done her any harm.

Thanks so much for these really thoughtful replies, everyone 💖 It’s good to know that this isn’t just it now for us! 😬 @Caspianberg will you tell me how the transition played out for you? And @WoolyMammoth55 this is a good point I hadn’t considered. Going to nursery is such a profound change for him

@7788september - I have always out Ds to bed in his own bed.
At 12 months he needed us to sit in the room with him ( in comfy arm chair a few metres from him)
Now nearly 2 years I read and put him in own bed, then leave room. Go in a few times as he wants a dry soother ( he has jellycat soother teddy he sucks arms on!). 90% of the time he falls asleep after faffing, the other 10% I sit in room again with him.

He wakes a few times still most nights, generally the first wake around midnight-2am he can be re-settled, the next wake 4-6am he wants to come in with us. Very occasionally he is now resettled at midnight, then sleeps until morning.

Either way, whether he goes to bed in 5mins alone or I sit with him, or resettled overnight, I don’t leave him to cry. He just gets so upset, and holds his breathe to turn blue if left when he doesn’t want to.

For what it’s worth, we have been travelling recently, in various hotels/ family/ on the road, and he’s been happy to sleep anywhere if he’s with us

They aren't little for long. I'd just let him stay. He's been poorly, nursery takes a while to adjust to, and he needs his mum. That's OK.