4 y old coming in our bed

[SpeepDeprived2]

Currently on DS (4)' floor as I had to leave my crowded bed. Can't sleep as it's so uncomfortable, and will be woken up by baby DD in a minute for a feed, so it's going to be another sleepless night. It's the 4th time this week and I just can't do it anymore.

DS started climbing into our bed in the night when DD was born (understandable). I slept in DD's bedroom for the first 6 months and as DH slept like a log he didn't notice him coming in so DS got to sleep there with DH all night.

However I am now back in the marital bed and get woken up when he comes in, then absolutely cannot sleep when he is in bed with us. He is so fidgety and we only have a normal size double bed so I just get pushed to the edge.

He only used to do it occasionally but lately seems to be more frequent (and every night this week). I don't know why it happens, last week we were on holiday and he slept in a bed he doesn't know in a house he doesn't know for 12 hours a night no problem.

Anyone had this issue? How did you fix it? Did it get better?

I guess I need to keep taking him back to his room. But when I tried yesterday he kicked off screaming and crying then needed me to stay with him until he fell asleep again. The whole thing took over 2 hours.

Feeling such rage for DH who just blissfully sleeps through the whole thing. I already have the sleep deprivation of exclusively breastfeeding a newborn, it's just all getting to me!

No advice but hugs- I'm in exactly the same situation. It's exhausting!

Find room on the floor in your room for his own mattress or a transitional cot mattress? He feels the comfort of your presence without the bed crowding. Very sympathetic as I spent many nights on the floor in DDs room between ages 2-5

DS2 used to get in bed with us every single night, so I can empathise. Could you get a bigger bed? We bought a super king, so we had space. Still have a super king, DS2 is 19, and obviously no longer gets in bed with us! 😂 it will end but I know it’s blooming exhausting going through it.

I put my 4yo back to her bed 🤷🏻‍♀️ the other day it took almost 1 hour but most times (ir just happens occasionally) it's quicker than that.

The little one sleeps in my bed and BF so wales up more times a night and I don't want her to be disturbed by her sister. So I only accept newcomers if it's morning, like a couple of hours before waking up

If you don’t want the battle some nights you could sleep in your 4yr olds bed.
You could get a mattress to put on the floor of his room for when you put him back in bed. Or a trundle bed - they are great for when you have guests or when you child has a sleepover.

My then 3yo started to do this when we stopped the dummy at nighttime.

She's 7 now and still does it twice a week or so. My niece grew out of it at 10!! I sort of gave in and accepted it. If I'm really uncomfortable I go into her bed and leave her with DH.

I'm pretty sure she will stop at some point.

Had a very similar issue. We didn’t try and fix it because we were too tired anyway. DH tends to go and sleep in the DC bed/spare room when they come in. After 6 months it’s improving and DC often sleeps through in own bed again.

Personally I would get your DH to sort this since he has allowed it to happen (even if not intentionally) and you have a newborn to tend to. Ok bet he will start waking up when it suddenly becomes his respoi.

*responsibility

Had the same issue with DS2. I started changing things by talking to him about it during the day. How it's important he tries to sleep in his own bed because he needs to be well rested in the morning. How his bed is the comfiest and safest bed in the whole world etc. That his soft toys are watching over him. Basically loads of magical thinking. I got him a moon that glows in the night and told him it would keep away bad dreams (which he often has) and watch over him. The next step was to tell him to call for me when he woke up instead of coming straight to us. I would then tell him to stay in his bed and I would be back in five minutes. If he was still awake, he could come into our bed. About 5 times out of 10, he would be asleep within the 5 minutes.
Now, 6 months later, he rarely comes into our bed (maybe once a fortnight). And I've realised he is still waking up, but he's learnt to go back to sleep.

If you want it to stop, you have to make it stop. Have a daytime chat about how big boys sleep in their own beds, then stick to it like GLUE. You're the parent, he's the child.

Your DH needs to do his share. Why isn't he settling the 4 year old? This is totally unfair.

Also, could a bigger bed help?

It may take some time to get him used to settling in his own bed and even then he may still want to come in from time to time.

And, you may have the same thing down the line with your younger one too.

A bigger bed might help it be more bearable.

Why dont you get in their bed though?

We had this too, have super king bed.
DD grew out of it age 6.
I let her come in as I felt that was what she needed. DH hated it.

You need a space to sleep that doesn't involve a floor. Be that a bigger bed for you and DH or a bigger bed for the 4 yr old.
OR something on your floor or DS to sleep on in your room but not in your bed.

I'd kick DH every single time it happens and make him deal with it.

Thanks all, I really needed that moan in the middle of the night! Some good food for thought here.

I slept on the floor as DS still has a toddler bed. We've had his new bed for ages but haven't put it together as it involves moving his room around and I was worrying it would make the wake ups worse.
But now I'm thinking it would help as on holiday he had a queen bed to himself and slept brilliantly. Maybe he hits the sides of his bed in the night which wakes him up more? And at least I'll then have a single bed to move to rather than the floor during these bad nights.

Upgrading our bed isn't really an option as a bigger bed won't fit in our room.

I want DH to fix it as he 100% caused it in the first place (before when DS came in I would take him back to his room and he'd resettle in minutes. He never knew sleeping in our bed was an option.)

I am going to have to kick him awake when DS comes in so he can take him back to his room.

I've been dealing with all wakes up as I'm on maternity leave but honestly we need to share this. Usually I only have DD in the day so can rest (ish!) but she's barely napping at the moment, and we've had a month of covid followed by chickenpox so DS hasn't been at nursery either. DH only needs to sit at a laptop all day and has time for cups of tea, so can't be that bad!

Yes, definitely time for your DH to step up!

When you hear dd you lift foot and kick dh in the shin.. . Dh honey, dd needs putting back to bed... Every time.

I actioned the new plan last night. I kicked DH as soon as DS walked in and he took him back.
Also surprised myself as I went back to sleep as soon as they left the room (usually struggle to sleep if I know one of the DC is awake).

DH said it took over an hour for DS to get back to sleep. I honestly don't know why it's happening and wish I could do something about it, DS is getting increasingly tired during the day.

I wa sup a fair bit with DD too, so pretty knackered all round in this house!

Bloody good for you op!
Told you it works!!