To have massively failed my toddler (screen time)

[tvproblem]

My two year old has become obsessed with watching CBeebies on TV. It started when he was unwell last year and I put the TV on to keep him entertained. Then I realised it was a way I could get some ‘me time’ or do much needed chores around the house. I’d put the TV on and do what I needed to do.

However his screen time has crept up and up, to the point where he’s watching 2-3 hours a day. Previously I could distract him by taking him out, but recently, if we’re out at the park or wherever and he’s had enough, he will sit on the floor, refuse to walk and say ‘go home’. Then as soon as we get home he demands the TV on.

He also asks for it straight after meals - I’m worried he’s skipping his fruit or yoghurt because he just wants to get back to the TV. He asks to watch it as soon as he wakes up in the morning too.

I feel awful as although it is good in some ways (he’s learnt a lot of songs from it for example) it seems to have become an obsession to the detriment of other things and even his personality as a whole. He even seems less happy and social than he used to be.

We’re going away for a long weekend over Easter - the cottage we’re staying in does have a TV but I’m wondering if I could use the time away for some sort of ‘reset’ when it comes to screen time, like going cold turkey or something.

I feel so guilty that I’ve let him slip into this terrible habit, through sheer laziness. Help!

I am disabled so both my children watched more TV than is recommended by WHO and have been poorly themselves where they lay on the sofa and to distract them from feeling terrible I put on the TV, mainly Cbeebies back then.

However, it is about balance. Playing and interacting with a child models language and behaviour so as long as they are engaging in other activities and exercise then I am telling you it isn't a big deal. We live in a world of technology with incredible things to learn about using the internet. As adults we turn to it too.

My children are now almost 19 and almost 16, excelling in school/uni, do not have square eyes and are happy to come off tech at any time I ask. If I come back from the supermarket they hear the front door and come off their computers to help bring the shopping in, help unload it and put it away. That is without being asked. They complete chores, are kind, thoughtful boys, fun to be with, none of this typical grunting, hiding in a room teenage stuff.

So seriously, don't sweat the small stuff like a bit of tv or time on a tablet as long as it isn't all day every day. They are learning through technology. Embrace Cbeebies before they move onto children's tv with adverts

Just to add its normal that he will get upset now when he can’t watch it while he adjusts. Just think of a stock phrase like ‘I understand you’re sad you can’t watch tv, shall we find something else to do?’ It’ll seem hard in the moment but he’s little and he’ll soon adapt.

I would just go cold turkey for a while and then gradually reintroduce a small amount of tv at a set time (mine watch tv while I make dinner so it’s mutually beneficial for us both)

I don't get the endless guilt around screen time. Yes it's not great if your toddler is sat for several hours a day watching TV/iPad etc and never doing anything else. But if they are having an otherwise fulfilling life with plenty of play, reading, socialising, outdoor time and so on then what damage is a few hours of CBeebies going to do? If it helps you get your chores done or have a little me time then what's the issue? I agree if he's becoming fractious or demanding when it's time to turn off then a firm no and some boundaries are needed. But you aren't going to damage your child by letting them watch tv, it's all about balance.

Fwiw my ds is older now and obsessed with YouTube and Fortnite. Not ideal but he still plays lots of sports, reads, draws, swims, enjoys days out. His screen time is his downtime much like me scrolling MN or binge watching Netflix.

what damage is a few hours of CBeebies going to do?

Hours? Quite a lot actually. There's plenty of research around hence the WHO guidelines. As always it's people who don't follow the guidelines that say it's not a problem and they're not bothered It's really good OP is putting her foot down.

But if they are having an otherwise fulfilling life with plenty of play, reading, socialising, outdoor time and so on then what damage is a few hours of CBeebies going to do?

He does do a lot of other things, so that’s something.

Well done OP. You've identified that screen time has become an issue and you are taking steps to resolve it. You are a good mum

@WTF475878237NC I didn't say it wasn't. It would be the resistance and refusal to turning the TV off that would bother me which is why I said firm boundaries are needed.

But in the grand scheme of life I don't think it'll hurt. Label me as a lazy parent if you like. My ds watched his fair share of Mr Tumble and Iggle Piggle as a tot and he's doing fine now. It's just another way to guilt trip busy mums who are trying to do everything and occasionally may need an hours peace to get stuff done. I'm not saying a toddler should be plonked in front of a screen all day, I'm saying life is about balance.

This article looks at the opinions of other experts in the field and says that no such guidance exists in the UK because there is no evidence to support the WHO's claims and that 'striving for perfect can be the enemy of good'

www.bbc.com/news/health-48021224.amp

@pennywiselives

I don't get the endless guilt around screen time. Yes it's not great if your toddler is sat for several hours a day watching TV/iPad etc and never doing anything else. But if they are having an otherwise fulfilling life with plenty of play, reading, socialising, outdoor time and so on then what damage is a few hours of CBeebies going to do? If it helps you get your chores done or have a little me time then what's the issue? I agree if he's becoming fractious or demanding when it's time to turn off then a firm no and some boundaries are needed. But you aren't going to damage your child by letting them watch tv, it's all about balance.

Fwiw my ds is older now and obsessed with YouTube and Fortnite. Not ideal but he still plays lots of sports, reads, draws, swims, enjoys days out. His screen time is his downtime much like me scrolling MN or binge watching Netflix.

Because boundaries need to be age appropriate. For my then 1.5 year old, ‘no TV’ was far easier to understand than ‘some TV, but when and for how long is at Mamas discretion’ I’m not fundamentally against TV at all and I don’t think the OP is either. We will definitely try again at some point in the future before he becomes more aware of what others have access to. But currently it’s not something he misses and I’m finding life easier not having to deal with the negative behaviour that switching off the TV caused.

@AliceW89 that sounds like a sensible choice that works for your family.

To be frank, I couldn't care less what other peoples household rules are. I commented because the title of this thread - I have massively failed my toddler - made me feel sad for the OP who is clearly a thoughtful and loving parent beating herself up because of the constant pressure placed on mums to be perfect.

I have said throughout that screen time isn't ideal. There are better things that your dc could be doing. But in order for mum to get stuff done and keep her sanity I do think it has its place in moderation.

We've had years of working this out. It gets much worse with gaming so good to have strategies now. We have 4 kids, one of which has ASD, part of his obsessive nature is with screens. Since they were tiny once they began to behave like youe DS we found the best solution was a reset. Absolutely no screens for two weeks. And then reintroduce once a day at a clear set time, with a timer either on the device or that rings. Be strict with yourself as if you start elongating it they will never listen to the timer. It's amazing what a week's break can do. They learn to play again. Stop thinking about it and engage much better. We have done this for years. We now have 3 no screen days a week unless they watch as a family and then two hours a day except Fridays which is as much as they like. They are mainly teens now and accept it. Best thing we did was the breaks especially with our ASD son as I've seen so many friends with their ASD teens saying they won't do anything else ours has lots of other things he will do. But given free rein he would have screened it all day long

Outside of instagram and parenting forums, a couple of hours of CBeebies a day is just the most normal thing ever, most people I know with toddlers have CBeebies on in the background most of the time.

I would either go cold Turkey or 1 hour a day at a set time, mine have their hour after dinner and before bed time, they know not to ask in between. So if they ask you can day they time is at 5pm or whatever. Also; if they mess about etc they loose 2 min per incident over the course of the day

My kids watch hours of it every day! It often ends up as background noise like the radio whilst they do other things. It has done them no harm and all CBeebies content is educational with no adverts. Numberblocks has really helped my son with his counting.
Don't get too caught up thinking it's all bad.