Very shy toddler - could nursery help?

[pears777]

I have two DC. My eldest (5) is something of a social butterfly, but my son, who has just turned two, has always been painfully shy. If we meet up with friends and they try to engage with him, he will blush and turn his head away and often burst into tears. He’s the same with other kids, both his own age and older, when we go to any kind of group.

I wasn’t planning to put him into nursery until he turned three, but I’m starting to feel quite concerned about his social skills and lack of confidence.

Could signing him up to a nursery help or could it make things even worse? I have social anxiety and remember hating childcare when I was little and finding it very distressing being apart from my mum, so that is putting me off. OTOH, I know a lot of mums who say their children have absolutely thrived at nursery and that their social skills and confidence has increased hugely as a result.

WWYD?

Anyone?

I definitely think going to nursery made school easier for my eldest, who was and is very shy around adults but loves school.

I wouldn't rush if you don't have to. He might get less shy in his own time anyway, and he's still really little - most children don't really engage with each other much til around 3.

Yes I think it would help. I had a very shy little girl, and I’ve found the way to improve it is to gently nudge her, a little at a time, out of her comfort zone . I think he’d love to be with you all the time, but that’s not going to help him in the long run. The aim is to have a little stock of experiences you can refer back to when he’s nervous, eg “remember how shy you were when you started nursery and then you made all those friends? So school will be just like that!” etc. So it’s a pattern of being able to do stuff that builds confidence. But I think not any nursery - they really have to be sensitive to his needs; shy is sort of who they are, you don’t want a nursery that’s looking to steamroller over that and try to turn them into something they’re just not.
My 8 year old is still quite shy, but hugely more confident than when she was little.

Thanks. I found another similar thread on here where people said to the OP to please not use nursery in that way (to try and help a child be less shy). I’m so torn over what to do - I don’t want to traumatise him and make it worse - or give him social anxiety. Do some children just never take to nursery or do they all settle in and enjoy it eventually - even the quieter, shy kids?

Is he more confident when you're around? If so, maybe hold off from nursery for a few months and just take some time to be alongside but not necessarily mixing with other children.

My DD2 has also just turned 2. They are proper pandemic babies who’ve missed out on so much early socialisation. Just the basics like baby classes, being left with Grandma for a few hours, seeing family at sociable events, mixing with other kids their age whose mums are friends, going to soft play or even the supermarket etc. Its happened on & off as covids dragged on but still not the same as yours or my other DD had when they were little.

DD2 started nursery aged 10 months & she has genuinely thrived. She was so cautious & weary of anyone she didn’t know but a couple months into nursery, this sociable, waving to everybody child. I can’t explain how much she loves nursery, she’s only ever cried at one drop off .. they say she’s the happiest child they have 😄

Have a look round a few nurseries. It can’t hurt. We picked a small, cosy looking nursery for DD that’s private & not part of chain etc. It felt like a homely, fun, not too hectic environment and the kids looked happy & engaged. The staff are brilliant. It is rated outstanding & I very much agree that it is!