3 month old waking at night but not for food

[Jellywellyfish]

My husband and I are currently working on getting our three month old to take a bottle.

Our daughter slept through the night (10pm-6am) from about 6 weeks through to around 9/10 weeks but then started waking up at 2.30/3am and 4.30/5am. When she wakes at night I lift her into bed and feed her.

Tonight (after a recommendation) my husband offered a bottle at 4am when she first woke and after about 40 minutes of chewing the teat and a few suckles she had taken most of the 2oz offered. My husband was able to give her a dummy and she fell asleep (first time ever she’s fallen asleep without my boob).

So, naturally I’m now thinking she isn’t waking hungry and nor should she be really when I know she’s capable of going 7 hours in one stretch and feeds well in the day.

I know she’s still young, but has anyone been in a similar situation? I’m happy to feed her 8 times a night but this of course leads to disrupted sleep and this can have a detrimental effect on her development.

It feels like a self soothing issue to me. She’s always fallen asleep in my arms in the day or lying on the bed next to me. We’ve only just introduced a dummy but as a crutch really to help get her onto the bottle.

Any tips or recommendations about helping her get a longer stretch at night?

She's very little, she can wake for other issues than food. Sleeping through the night is not a linear process so it's not a problem you need to fix at this stage. Waking in the night is not going to affect her development at all. In fact, because of her development, she will wake more.

Unless you want to reduce or stop breastfeeding, I'd be mindful of introducing a bottle at this stage too

Plus if she's waking and drinking the whole bottle, why would you think she's not waking for hunger

She's 3 months old, it is normal to wake frequently for comfort and/or food.

Who gave the 'recommendation' about bottle feeding and what is the intention/hope for doing that? I would have said just bf in the night it is faster and easier.

It is not correct they need longer periods of sleep at 3 months. They need milk, comfort and sleep in varied patterns.

Suggest having a read up on the four month sleep regression - ours slept in increasing stretches until 3.5 months when it all fell apart, so it can start before four months.

@DoubleChinWoes2

She's very little, she can wake for other issues than food. Sleeping through the night is not a linear process so it's not a problem you need to fix at this stage. Waking in the night is not going to affect her development at all. In fact, because of her development, she will wake more.

Unless you want to reduce or stop breastfeeding, I'd be mindful of introducing a bottle at this stage too

Plus if she's waking and drinking the whole bottle, why would you think she's not waking for hunger

I’ve no plan to stop breastfeeding and expressing in addition to her feeds to ensure my supply isn’t effected. I would just like for her to be able to take a bottle.

She only had 2oz, maybe 1.5oz so she didn’t drink a lot. As she’s new to bottle feeding the aim
Isn’t to get her to drink a full bottle at this stage, just to slowly introduce her.

@carefullycourageous

She's 3 months old, it is normal to wake frequently for comfort and/or food.

Who gave the 'recommendation' about bottle feeding and what is the intention/hope for doing that? I would have said just bf in the night it is faster and easier.

It is not correct they need longer periods of sleep at 3 months. They need milk, comfort and sleep in varied patterns.

A friend had suggested it as it worked for her so we gave it a try tonight.

She doesn’t sleep brilliantly in the day and as such I’ve noticed she’s becoming over tired during the day so it’s important she does sleep at night otherwise she’s like a zombie in the day

Several things.

If you’re working on baby taking a bottle then it might be that she isn’t yet comfortable drinking from it. So the fact she didn’t down the whole thing immediately probably isn’t a reflection of how hungry she is.

Is it formula or breastmilk in the bottle? Some babies have preferences on the types of milk. Some don’t like breastmilk if it’s been frozen or prefer the tastes of different brands of formula over others

Also breastfeeding is about so much more than getting food, it’s comforting for the baby.

Final thing is as PP said from around 3/4 months baby’s sleep changes and it likely won’t go back to how it was before for some time. My DS used to only wake up once at around 3 months.

After the 4 month sleep regression he’d wake up every 2 hours, he’s 10 months old now and we’re only just getting nights when he constantly sleeps in stretches of around 6 hours again.

Also I’d suggest getting her used to a bottle during the day first, I think we gave DS 1 small bottle of expressed milk every other day for a few weeks until he hit the hang of it.

You aren't going to have a baby that sleeps through the night off the bat. They develop and learn to miss you and that they miss you.

If you're going to pump while she's having the bottle to keep your supply up I'd question why bother at this early stage personally.

Bottles are much easier for the baby, they get the milk without as much effort. Potentially she'll realise she prefers the bottle than breastfeeding, and it will affect your breastfeeding journey. It's very early days still!

I would work on her awake windows during the day and try and get her day time naps close to some sort of routine, continue responding when she needs you in the night and continue breastfeeding to ensure your supply is in line with what your baby needs and when, if you want to keep BFing.

@DoubleChinWoes2

You aren't going to have a baby that sleeps through the night off the bat. They develop and learn to miss you and that they miss you.

If you're going to pump while she's having the bottle to keep your supply up I'd question why bother at this early stage personally.

Bottles are much easier for the baby, they get the milk without as much effort. Potentially she'll realise she prefers the bottle than breastfeeding, and it will affect your breastfeeding journey. It's very early days still!

I would work on her awake windows during the day and try and get her day time naps close to some sort of routine, continue responding when she needs you in the night and continue breastfeeding to ensure your supply is in line with what your baby needs and when, if you want to keep BFing.

Particularly agree with that last paragraph- they need rest from their naps and most find that decent naps = better night sleep. Don't torture yourself with thoughts of 'but she can sleep for X hours because she has before so why isn't she now?!' There are loads of reasons why but mainly because sleep isn't linear. Quite often when they're learning new skills sleep goes a bit haywire as they're processing it all.

Focus on strategies to get decent naps in the day (but also don't stress too much about this - the biggest thing I learnt is you can't force another human to sleep. You can help create good conditions for sleep and wake windows are a great place to start, but you can't force them any more than you could force yourself!)

Also I combi fed for around 8 months and then dropped the bottle and just BF until 21 months - I'd stick to a particular time of giving the bottle but if you're only giving one a day it shouldn't affect your supply at 3 months if you're feeding the rest of the time!

Bottles are much easier for the baby this is a very strange take, bottles take away a lot of comfort.

She's very tiny still. Her sleep could be completely different next week... but also tomorrow she could wake BECAUSE she's hungry, whereas another night it's for a cuddle. Keep responding to your baby's cues at night, including offering the breast when she wakes - reducing feeds at night will affect your supply regardless of whether you pump in the day. She will hit a sleep regression soon enough, and trust me the fastest easiest way to get a BF baby back to sleep in the night is to BF and it's the easiest way to maximise your own sleep.

Sleep isn't linear, they can change very quickly in my experience. Day time sleep impacts nighttime sleep too so I'd try and ensure she's getting some decent naps during the day - they don't seem to be able to catch up the same way older children or adults do, they just end up as big over tired messes.

Bottles are much easier for the baby this is a very strange take, bottles take away a lot of comfort

Why? They are. Breastfeeding is more work for the baby and the mum.

Thanks everyone. Agree with a lot of what you’re saying, it makes sense.

I think I’ll definitely go back to offering the bottle in the day as she’s clearly not waking just for hunger in the night and I’d rather she have me as her comfort than a bottle or dummy.

Some have mentioned giving the bottle at night could effect my supply but she’s already slept 11pm-6am solid for about a four week stretch from 6 weeks and it had no impact on my supply.

The biggest issue with her night feeding is she will only settle if I feed her to sleep in bed with me. When I transfer to the bedside crib she wakes and cries and cries and cries until I settle her next to me again. A month ago that was okay as she only woke at 5/6am so I was just awake then and she could sleep in bed with me. Now she’s waking from 2/3am it means I’m only getting about 4 hours sleep at night as I don’t want to co sleep and will stay awake while she’s in bed with me. Hence wanting to try and get her to settle for longer in her own crib as I’m definitely getting run down from lack of sleep.

I had wondered whether it could be sleep regression but didn’t think this would happen before 12 weeks.

I’ve more recently made progress with wake windows in the day in that I have noticed her wake window is 1.5hrs max so now trying to stretch her nap times to be a bit longer - again, main issue here is she will only sleep in my arms and the minute I cough or shuffle in the seat she wakes up and most times won’t go back to sleep so what
Could have been an uninterrupted one hour nap in her Moses basket turns into a 30 min cat nap and a tired baby. I

@Bornsloppy

Sleep isn't linear, they can change very quickly in my experience. Day time sleep impacts nighttime sleep too so I'd try and ensure she's getting some decent naps during the day - they don't seem to be able to catch up the same way older children or adults do, they just end up as big over tired messes.

I think this is definitely key for me. When she was a newborn she was sleeping much more in the day without any prompting. Each week that goes by she becomes so much more alert and interested in everything so doesn’t just nod off every couple of hours like she used to. I can tell when she’s overtired because she’s not her normal chatty/smiley self, hence why I’m working hard to help her get the rest she needs.

I’d note it’s not just the four month sleep regression- every time they have a little growth spurt or developmental leap their feeding and sleep change.
My bottle fed baby appeared to be waking ‘out of habit’ and just grazing in the night- the next week she was chugging full bottles in the night!
I’d be really careful about supply in the nighttime - these increased wakings might be her trying to increase your supply for a growth spurt. The equilibrium is important. If you need a nap/ are keen to give one bottle a day could DH offer a bottle and do bedtime about 6 whilst you grab another hour in a separate room?
Have you got a bedtime routine?
We found naps got much harder around 3 months as our baby was so stimulated by everything around her.
We introduced as many ‘sleep associations’ as possible- so in the daytime when I bring her upstairs to her crib, draw the curtains, put white noise on, and offer a dummy- she seems to ‘get’ that this is time for a kip.

I think you need to be clear what you are doing and why.

If this is about you want more sleep, the advice will be very different than if it is about your baby's needs for food or sleep!

Some have mentioned giving the bottle at night could effect my supply but she’s already slept 11pm-6am solid for about a four week stretch from 6 weeks and it had no impact on my supply.

But as the baby grows and needs additional milk and different times, your body needs to know that and react to it.

Sometimes they feed too much and make themselves sick, but it's a tactic/preorder to get your milk levels for the following week they'll need more. Just because it hasn't affected supply so far doesn't mean it won't.