Why is it so hard to have self-esteem in motherhood?

[Zenlifeforme]

The low self-esteem gremlins of full time motherhood are starting to bite me already. Currently been on mat for 3 weeks now, waiting for baby number two to arrive. Already I feel worthless.
Why is it so hard to feel valuable as a mother? It’s such an important job yet I battle daily with feeling enough. What is that all about? I’ve had so much cbt and therapy too, gah!

Why do you feel worthless? I think being a Mum is one of the only things I've got right and I never question my worth as a Mother, neither should you, you have literally given your body over to create this whole person, give yourself some credit! I hope you feel better once baby is here.

You say you have had a lot of therapy already, but it does sound like you are feeling particularly down recently. I would advise talking to a health care professional (maybe your GP or midwife) about this if you think it is an issue. Really important to look after you mental health around birth.

I did find going on mat leave knocked my confidence too. I think I found my work validated me to some extent, not sure if I am describing it correctly. I was also anxious about my ability to be a good parent, but I think most people worry about this to some extent at least. For me it got better when our DS arrived, but I know that this is not the case for everyone. I felt lost waiting for him to arrive.

I hope you feel better and enjoy your mat leave xx

Perhaps you’re measuring your value, or worth, by metrics which don’t apply to motherhood?

Are you feeling like you’re not doing / working / earning / socialising / being productive enough?

Mainly because a mother's place is in the wrong. Whatever you do is wrong ,not good enough , will damage your children etc. thrown at you daily in society,in the media,on SM and platforms like MN from both sides . It's a message that cuts deep and sinks i to your subconscious and motherhood can't have objective evaluations like performance meetings,job description,remuneration, wage raises,promotions etc. In work you can tell when you're doing well,quantify it, explain it,prove it. With motherhood, you're always one step away from someone somewhere "feeling sorry for your kids".

@givethatbabyaname I think I am yes. I read all these replies and yours was the one that made me cry a little bit so I think it’s hit the nail on the head, that’s what I’m doing.
Gosh it’s so hard not to tho!?

@Confusedmonkey I’m feeling a bit better today but you are right I def don’t want to sink into the PNA world again, like last time. I’m gonna keep a keen eye on it all.

@Whataboutno yes it’s such a juxtaposition I feel. Motherhood has given me so much self esteem in many ways, I feel more worthy and like I have a purpose I never had before. But when these gremlins come biting…. atch it’s such a bane!

Maybe I was just having a down day yesterday. Got triggered by something and then it spiralled.

@ldontWanna - yes how to quantify the amazingness of growing a tiny human and then nurturing it and enabling it to thrive, I hear ya. It’s so hard not to let it effect me, I find it hard to have internal motivation for my life. I think I am very needy of external validation. such a thorn in my side!

I think I am feeling particularly low since my OH got a huge pay rise and even though I should be happy cos we are about to go into frugal maternity leave times plus cost of living going up so much (don’t get me wrong I am so so grateful) but it’s kinda hit a nerve. I earn so little compared to him anyway as work in the public sector (where pay rises don’t really exist) and the private sector is just awash with money it seems. Ever since he told me last week I’ve been trying to clean the house more, and make myself feel like I am also as valuable and worthy of such an increase in pay packet. But I’m failing miserably tbh.

Thanks ladies for responses. Gonna go find a meditation now on the awesomeness of growing a human being in my body x